I'm re-visiting the board after a night of despair. My wife finally admitted to her affair but only after I asked her the fatal question. This may seem like a breakthrough but her immediate follow-up question was, "How did you find out?" I said that she kept talking, in vague but present terms of her choices and decisions that she alone would have to sort out.

She blames God in all this, saying that He abandoned her in her our of need, when she said she felt her attraction to me slipping away. I do take care of myself, more in the last 4 months than I have since high school. My height (6'3") always helped conceal any weight gain but I have now lost nearly 30 pounds, having gotten back to the same weight I was in high school.

I LB'd big time tonight and have since apologized bt realize the damage may have been done. I don't know where to turn for advice. I have read many of the Harley books but plan A did not work after two years and her affair not dying and my self-esteem is shot. I am vulnerable for a one night stand or any level of affection.

I don't like the person she has become and yet I feel I am entitled to that feeling. I try not to let the Taker stick up for me but there has been no progress in any level of support I have offered to her.

We share time at a house we can no longer afford and it seems as though there is no happy ending in sight.

I am asking God to have someone chime in to give me hope and say something that will give me some strength as I continue to shake at the idea of what has become of my life.

Blessings to you all and brighter days ahead.

35 yrs old
Two kids - 8, 5
Married 03/92
W has had affair since 7/2000

Why didn't you go plan B?

Is divorce imminent? I ask because you're posting on the Divorcing/Divorced board instead of the infidelity boards.

Seemed to start Plan B twice but the interaction with the kids makes it difficult. Not seeing them participate in Saturday events feels like a punishment. Please help me to understand this plan in the presence of young children who still think we are one another's sweethearts, as my daughter recently told me.

The purpose of this posting is to see what steps are reasonable to protect myself now that it is out in the open--finally. Is the other board the better place? It seems as though W's knee-jerk reaction is divorce which feels like an agenda I do not wish to support. OM is well-off and much younger, clearly numb to what he is doing. Instead of worrying about what I think other people should do or not do, I want to know what is best for me and in the best interest of the children. I don't know that any gesture of ultimatum will have any value. She has agreed to meet a counselor and be honest to see if there is any way. I fear the lack of will on her part that would even make such a task possible.

Thanks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hi,

just a suggestion - post this on GQ II as well - there is more traffic on that board and you will probably get some different responses.

You can post a link to this one so you don't have to rewrite it. If you dont know how to do that just post & we'll get it done.

God Bless,
\
D.

B4, no real answers for you but just a request that you keep strong--you mentioned feeling vulnerable to committing adultery yourself. Not worth it. You are better than that.

Your feelings of loneliness are certainly justified and it's horrible that this is happening to you. But entangling a fourth person into this won't help.

As I read your post, I wondered now that your W has admitted the A, will OM still be interested in her? 2 years is a long time but is there any chance that OM enjoyed having someone he knew he wouldn't have to commit to since she had you?

Father God, I pray Your comfort will surround B4 tonight and You will show him a glimmer of hope. Let him sense Your very real love enfolding him. We pray that You will speak powerfully to his wife. Give B4 the courage to forgive her even while she continues to hurt him and heal this marriage. It's been a long road. Thank You that although it is hard to understand, You are there on that road walking beside B4. They need a miracle, Lord. You have power to do more than we ask or imagine. Help B4's grain of faith to be multiplied. Let him experience Your peace in a signifant way tonight. Amen.

Take care, B4.