I can not even remember the last time I posted here at MB. I used topost regularly in GQII, but for the past few months have only been reading posts two to three times a week and never posting myself.

I filed for D during the middle of August and after not hearing anything from either my WH or my lawyer since then I put it in the back of my mind and almost forgot it was happening. Last Friday I found out from my BIL that my WH had been served a few weeks ago and last night I got papers from my lawyer stating that WH had sent him documents regarding a settlement. I guess this is real.

I did not file because I wanted a D, I filed because I could no longer continue with the marriage the way things were going. I was in Plan B at the advise of SH and I was losing love for my WH each day that he continued to choose to live as a WH and not choose our marriage. SH suggested that with no kids and not having any contact with WH since 3/02 it seemed that this was the only direction to go at this point.

At first it was a relief for me to actually be doing something to get closure even if it was not the closure I wanted. After seeing the papers last night, I no longer feel relief. I feel a great deal of pain. I am sure every BS out there remembers the not sleeping, the not eating. Well it is back. That feeling is back and I don't know that I can go through this again.

The one thing that has gotten my this far all along is that he had never filed and I thought that if he didn't file, maybe that was not what he wanted. The one thing that I still had was hope. That is gone now. I guess this is what the wanted after all. I can look at the papers and see it in black and white.

Thanks for listening.
Sinking

{SinkingFast},

My heart goes out to you.

It is hard to let go of a person you have loved for so long...
...but in the end... it is 'he' who has let go of you.

And then you feel you are left to pick up the pieces.

It's ok to feel 'bad' for a while...
...and even wallow in the dispare of the situation...
...(all who have gone through the divorce process will tell you that it is a terrible experience)
...but work at finding the faith you may have lost... or have put aside... or maybe never worked at...
...and through it... move into a new understanding of 'all' relationships.

It will take time...
...sometimes it feels like and endless amount of time...
...but you will make it...
...and with a good Plan B... become the better for it.

You have my prayers today.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

Thank you soooo much for the reply. I thought all along that it was God that had given me the strenght to hold on to hope. I have never been a patient person and I have fought for this marriage for the past 19 months waiting for WH to return to God and our marriage.

I guess maybe what God gave me was a lesson in patience, not the hope to hold on; because if the hope came from him it would still be there and this would not be ending the way it is. God has other plans for me I just don't know what there are yet.

I don't ever see WH leaving OW to come back now that he has let go of me by responding to my lawyer. I would love to think that OW is the brains behind this operation and WH is just sitting by not knowing how to stop it, but that is not likely. If he wanted the marriage he would find the strenght to fight. To him I am just not worth leaving her and working on us. I just hope that someday he realizes what he walked away from.

Thanks again
Sinking

Sinking,

I know your pain and it would be great if there was a pill to take it away. My husban left almost 3 years ago and did file for divorce. I don't believe he really wanted the divorce but, our marriage had gotten bad. The divorce has never taken place. He let it expire. Why, I don't know what he would say but, I know it was God.

I never felt I was his soul mate either. He never cleaved to me.I had to learn God's will and word to learn why this had never happened and our marriage and gotten so bad. I had no hope and everyone said to give up. I cried out to God and he sent me to this site. www.restorem.org

God has changed me so much since I started doing things His ways and not the worlds ways. It is a narrow road and not all choose it. Please go and read the testimonies of restored marriages. I believe God wants ALL marriages restored. All things are possible with Him. A lot of people think they are doing it Gods way or they say it must be Gods will for us to divorce or maybe God never meant for us to be together. I believed this until I really learned God's word. The book from the web site speaks truth and is all back with Gods word.The whole book is almost all
Gods word.

It is not an easy path to follow but I believe with all my heart that it is what God wants for us.

My husband and I have a great relationship now. We go to church together and do other things with our daughters. He is here several times a week.
Our marriage is not restored yet, but it will be in Gods time.Learn to trust Him completely. Don't go by what you see. You must have faith.

I will pray for you. Don't lose hope.

gentle

Thank you for your response and for your words of hope. There are times when I think I will wake up one day to find my WH at the door asking to come back. I just don't see anything to hold onto anymore. I will put this on God's hands and see what happens. In the meantime, it has been a long time since I have taken care of me without thinking of how it is affecting others. Well, it is that time again.

Thanks again for your kind words of encouragement.
Sinking