I am going through a painful painful seperation. My husband wants it to be over between us, but he says he is confused and we continue to go to counseling (thats not helping much actually think it is making things worse). I am doing all I can to save our marriage and nothing has worked. Just two days ago I just decided to let him go and if it works it works. I haven't called him or seen him in two days. I honestly know in my head that he is not my soulmate. I have never ever been a priority to him and frankly not really sure what I am to him. My question is how do you make it stop hurting and being so incredibily scared? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> dragracingoddess@yahoo.com

lostheart,

Here's a cyberhug (((((((((lostheart)))))))
No one here will say it's easy, but many will say that you will get thru this and possible even become a better person because of it. I can only imagine the pain you are in right now.

My question is how do you make it stop hurting and being so incredibily scared?

There are probably as many different ways that people get through this as there are people on these boards. As for me, A year ago at this time, I was in excruciating pain ( emotionally), couldn't eat, sleep, think straight and all the other stuff that goes with A's, Separations and DV, now a year later I have my moments but can actually say that I have peace and contentment. There have been times lately that I have had fun. Just enjoyment.

With out a strong faith and trust in God, I would not be where I am today. He has guided my thoughts and actions daily. I let the pain come and just felt it (the scared too.) There was only one way through it & that was to face it.

This board, the MB principles, counseling with Steve Harley, and reading, reading, reading helped me so much. There are others that I counsel that have seen my strength (God working thru me) and told me that they wanted what I had ( I was in awe! - here I was going thru the WORST time in my whole life and people said that!)

I also have a support network thru my prayer group and 12 step program, so I never felt totally alone and had people to talk.

It is difficult to go thru what many of us go thru on these boards. The outcome depends on your attitude .... are you willing to work hard? are you willing to do whatever action is necessary to recover and heal? are you willing to keep looking ahead at something good and not let present circumstances overwelm you?

As for these boards, having a place to vent, ask questions, see that even tho our faces and names are different, that there really is a pattern to this which is very evident by reading this website and the books, and the posts.

God Bless,

D.

Dear Lost Heart and to all of you who are still hurting so bad .... I am over 2 yrs from the terrible, terrible agony (I remember -- the thoughts of the two together, the unbearable feeling of being betrayed ... I know/remember SOOO much that if I really, really spent some of my precious time right now could relive all of those feelings) BUT ... and I want to emphasize this to all of you dear souls who hurt so much now, that it does get better.

I promise.

I read the same thing 2 yrs ago as they wrote to me when I was so lost and I could not even imagine not feeling the pain forever.

I am living proof and SO ARE YOU that YOU will get over this and YOU will help others in your now path when they are there in a month, year, etc.

Be good to yourselves. YOU deserve it!

This is only the second time I have ever posted something on this board and I am absolutely grateful to God for people like you who take out of your own Grievances to write me with such encouraging words. The thought of just tredging forward with the grace of God is a calming thought. Thank you so very much for all you help.
May God Bless you!!!

lost heart - it does get better. You will have setbacks, and the setbacks get less. It is hard to believe, put your trust in the Lord.

To not have communication at all, is a must. I was not able to do that, WH was not cooperative, and became a ballistic man. So my process was long, much longer than need be.

Now I have cut communication to a necessity, cause I need the cutoff. He cut himself off, while he was having his sexual affair. So he didn't have the pain that the betrayed did. He cutoff because he had someone in his life to talk to, have fun with, and get his release of sex.

Go to therapy, that is one thing that is helpful. You need a another opinion on a regular basis. Plus there are good suggestions here. Vent if you need to, I have, and the venting is getting less.

First, put your heart with the Lord, and this is where I have found more help. I joined a new church, and love the congregation, and the pastor and his wife are so loving. I am going to have a time for dinner with them, when I feel I am ready to sit with them for the evening. The pastor has met my youngest son, and youngest daughter. Would like him and his wife to meet my oldest daughter and oldest son. Praying for them also.

Good day, do something just for you, and you are special. God loves you and we love you. Bye

Yes I totally agree about the no communication. I talked to him last night and everything was corgial and all but today its back to the same oh hateful self. I am working on the church congregation this week. I have my first counseling session this week and am really looking forward to it. Well better go but just wanted to say thank you thank you thank you. My day is already going better.
In Gods Love

LostHeart,

I too am like you , I can't even imagine getting over the pain. But with prayer and lots of good friends , I know it will get better. I read a lot of good books and this site has been instrumental Just reading the encouraging words from others is such a BIG help. I have also started caounseling. On days , when I am not at work, I try to keep as busy as I can. And of course Lots of Prayer.

Hang in there. It will get easier everyday.
Just take one day at a time.