Tried to recover w/ WH, but I just can't seem to get over WH's A nor can I trust. WH loves me & would rather not divorce, but we're both just not happy together.

But I am terrified what it's going to be like divorced. I have 2 lil' boys (6 & 23 mos). My older boy loves his daddy, & although we've been separated only 5 days, he's askin' for him. Our original MC said my WH would go off the deep end if we divorce (meaning, go out all the time, drink, & probably become a flaky dad b/c he doesn't like what he did).

I'm also scared of another women he'd bring into their lives right away (I wouldn't want that, but I wouldn't be able to tell my WH that)

Moreover, I'm scared of the label "divorced". Couples friends' wives wouldn't want me to be around b/c I am now a threat as a single woman. (altho my good friends would, but I still wouldn't be able to do much w/them at night b/c everyone does couple things & I'd be just a 3rd wheel)

Moreover, I'm scared of being so jealous of what my WH may be doing now that he'd be single again. I'll be devastated all over again when I hear him sleeping w/others. You see, my WH was the 1st & only guy I'd been with, and my WH had been w/ many, many women & even sleep with them on the 1st date.

Please tell me what it's like to be divorced?

Hi,
It sounds like you are riding the fence. On one hand, you don't get along and it hurts you when he does these things, but on the other, hand it might be worse all the way around if you are alone. I have been on this fence before. If he loves you and doesn't want to get a divorce, will he go to counseling? Do you love him? Just being jealous of what he will be doing does not constitute love. It sounds to me as if you are mentally exhausted trying to figure out what the best thing to do is. It is just my opinion, but you shouldn't stay with him just to keep him from "Going off the deep end". He has to make his choices whether he is married to you or not. His actions are not your responsibility, they are his.
It takes a long time to get over our H's A. It destroys our selfesteem, takes away our trust, and makes us suspicious of everything. I've never known a cheater who was not a liar also. I chose to stay and work through the A, the lying and so forth. I made it miserably for 15 years, trying. I personally am throwing in the towel. One person can only do so much for the relationship and a person can only take so much crap before the love dies completly.
Now back to the fence. One thing I have found, is you can't make progress from the fence. You can see both sides pretty well from atop the fence but you don't go anywhere. You have to decide which side of the fence you are going to pursue, make your plan and go for it. I know it's hard, but you can't work on your marriage if you're keeping an option of divorce handy. If you choose to work on the marriage, then forget about divorce and go for it with all you have. You may find youself back on the fence or even on the other side someday but try to focus on the direction you are going. I did not even consider divorce when I found out about my H's A 15 years ago, because I knew what I wanted and it was not a divorce. But there are no guarantees in life. I tried really hard to make this work, but it takes two working at it. My H is very abusive and it took me years to realize it. I have been on the fence looking at the other side, Divorce. Although it is not the outcome I had wanted and hoped for, it is the one I am choosing now. It is hard. Even tho it is what I want now, it is hard. Emotionally and financially but I will survive.
I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet if I were you. But the choice is yours to make.
Free

You say you love him but don't trust him. You say that he still loves you. This sounds like my marriage. If there is any glimmer of hope, try to work it out. I am now dealing with my last "second chance" I don't know if I will be able to resolve my own issues in time to save my marriage, but I know that I am eternally thankful that my wife is looking at things one week at a time. She reluctantly has given me the opportunity to prove myself. I love her and want to keep the marriage intact. I say all of this to you because you and my wife are in similar places. She is on the fence. If your husband is truly sorry and is willing to do everything in his power to prove himself to you, you might want to climb off the fence and give him the chance to do so.

Being the recipient of many, I would applaud you for offering another chance. But that is only my somewhat selfish opinion coming from my own experience.

Best of luck.

Words of wisdom? I don't know about that, but I can give you at least a few words!

What's it like to be divorced? It's kinda like being single, only with A LOT more baggage! I try not to think of myself as DIVORCED, just as a guy who used to be married. I'm of the opinion that divorce has lost its social stigma and shouldn't be used as a negative label.

That said, going through a divorce can be an unbelievably painful experience, one which you should avoid. There is plenty of information here on how to restore a marriage after an affair. I'd suggest you start reading!