I love my wife dearly..first off...<BR>Backgound:<BR>we have been married almost 12 years...have always treated her like a queen.....giving her whatever she wanted...."taking care Of her" etc. We have three boys 10, 7 and 5. She has been a stay at home mom....for about 8 -9 years now....but now she is close to finishing her teaching degree. Because of being home she said she has lost all her own identity....Two years ago she suffered a severe depression....basically told me she didn't love me ...and probably never did. However, after a few months told me she loved me and things improved dramatically. It turns out part of her depressoin was caused by a thyroid condition. Through out our marriage she has been in and out of depression.....but I always knew we were still a special couple....in fact....we both have said even within the last couple mnonths..nothing could ever break us up.<BR>Current:<BR>About a month ago, she went into another depressive spell...but this was differnt than ones from the recent past....as she totally withdrew from the boys and me...she wouldn't even let me toucher etc...up till this point we were very sexual...everyday. Now nothing......and she started being cold etc......She started telling me that she didn't have feelings for me.....and maybe the main problem is she married because she thought no one else would..and that she never trully loved me......and this is why she keeps ending up depressed. Another symptom....is she is very close with another unhappily married man.....they are very good friends.......but my wife always insisted just friends...but I got suspicious and started reading emails and Instant message conversations....I knew I was wrong but she was acting so weird.....anyway...the emails seemed to me that they were better than friends..that she loved him. I asked her...and she said she cared a lot for him...but she loved him like a brother....however to this day...I still think they are way to close......and his wife does not know about it either. This Saturday I fessed up.....told her I was wrong but I snooped and that it seems her frienship is rea deep for him.....but she says I am taking things out of context. additionally, she doesn't feel there is any harm loving friends male or female.<P>In any sense, things were real bad Saturday......at this time they are supposedely not going to talk for at least a little while. They are both scared because they know I can tell his wife......And she would go ballistic.<P>The dilemma, After marriage counseling yesterday......my wife wants the freedom to be friends with anyone she chooses....she profess she is changed and will not go back to be the person I originally married.....that she wants her own freedom......The counselor was not very optimisitc about our future.....I do not want to be a part time Dad..and know she would get the kids... its just how things are.....but I have a wife that has lost feelings for me......doesn't seem to want to compromise etc...<P>So, I might not blame this friendship as the total cause our problems.....but I feel it is a obstacle that might just make her lose feelings for me....Do we have any hope? Do I give up the fight....or do I stay because I want my kids to grow up with me in the home? Do I just turn the other cheek and not allow her friendships to bother me? Can we regain the love, trust and respect for each other again....because if I say no to the friendships she will want a separation.....Help Please.<BR>Ken

Hi Ken,<BR> You might want to try the emotional needs forum, theres alot more traffic there. It sounds like your W is not willing to meet your EN's which is not fair to you. You could try Plan A, but if shes not willing to meet you half way you will ulitamately have a decision to make - give up your happiness or try to pretend you're happy for your kids. I've always felt an unhappy marriage would be picked up on by the kids, but I could be wrong. Please try the emotional needs forum, there would be more people there that have went through similar situations that would have better ideas for you. Good luck!