Hello everyone. I have not posted anything on this site for almost a year. I was too devastated to even write something to anyone. Here is a little synopsis of my situation.

My husband and I were having horrible fights and I knew that our marriage was in trouble. I found solace in gardening (which he hated for me to do) because it made me feel at ease. He fro about a year he had been acting very strange like going out with friends that I did not know and coming home late. I had no suspicion that he was having an affair until my friends started to tell me that he had all the signs of someone who is having an affair. I started snooping around and found a telephone number on his cell that was called at 1:00 o'clock one morning. The person left him a message and a name. I immediately recognized the name. I asked him what was this person doing calling him at that time of night. He told me that she was answering some Mortgage questions that he had asked her some time ago (we were in the process of selling our house at his request). Me being so stupid believed him. Until one day I found a horrible e-mail from her (sexual). I found out that my husband was having an affair with a family acquaintance on May 2001. He denied it until I stared hitting him in the face (I know I should have never done this but, it was a horrible reaction). He said horrible things to me like he was going to marry her, have children, etc.

I forgave him and told him that he could not see or communicate with her ever again. He agreed. I even had him call her and tell her in front of me that it was over. Well they continued to communicate while I was plan A'ing my butt off. I even went as low as to tell him that he could continue to see her as long as he stayed home with me. He did just that. Without any remorse or thought to my feelings he continued to see her night after night while I waited for him. On November 5, 2001, I told him that he could not see her any more. He responded that he could not do that. With my heart on the floor I helped him pack. He moved out that night with OW. Two days latter I wrote him the Plan B letter. He totally disregarded. It's almost been a year now and he has not come home yet. I filed for divorce and was granted a divorce on May 5, 2002. The divorce was done his way (I paid for it). I did not want to hurt him in any way at all; I was hurting too much myself!

Now here is another situation that has been going on. First, let me tell you that we work in the same office and have seen each other every single day. I got into that habit lashing at him for what he had done to me every chance I got. I really wanted him to leave. I thought that if I put enough pressure on him that he would leave. It did not happen. I was going through my angry and hatred stage until about a month ago when him and I were alone in the office one day. I went over to his cube and poured my heart out to him. I told him how much I loved and needed him. He begin to cry with me. He told me that he thought that I was happy and I told him that I was miserable. He also asked me why I told him to move out that night ( I gave him the obvious reasons). He also told me that he regret everything that he had done; that if he knew what he was going to put me through, he would have never left me (he is even filling for bankruptcy). He also asked me why I did not treat hem before the way I was treating now; I told him I had but that he was addicted to this woman, he did not see it. It's almost like trying to have a rightful excuse for what he has done. Could it be guilt?

Now we talk to each other very respectfully and nice. He asks how I am doing and so forth. Hw was visiting my daughter the other day while I was at home sick. I called my daughter that day to see how she was doing and found out from her that he was there. I was going to hang up with my daughter when all of the sudden my ex grabbed the phone to find out how I was doing and told me to take care of myself.

Could this be a break through? My ex is not the type to get up and leave anyone (unless it's me). Besides, I believe that they are very much in love. I do not want to come between them. If they are going to break up, let it happen on it's own. I want no part of it. The OW continues to be married to her husband although my ex is already divorced.

Can anyone tell me what is going on? I am so much in love with my ex it hurts me every minute of the day. I refuse to make my point across ever again. If it hasn't gone through yet, it never will. I will never insult him ever again. I think that now I am REALLY going through my forgiveness phase. I pray and cry for my family (yes, my ex too) daily until I can't cry anymore.

A year has gone by and it still hurts like the first day. I just can seem to be completely happy. I think of my ex every single day. I am so confused and still so hurt. I need all the guidance I can get.

JMR-

Wow, I'm sorry to hear of all the pain you've endured with your X. I can't imagine how extremely difficult and stressful it must be, at times, to work in the same location as my WS.My advice would be to take care of yourself and don't try to fix things for the wrong reasons. In other words, unless you see some real changes that have been made on his part, stay away. In my opinion, regardless of the circumstances that led up the A, the WS needs to fully experience and know the pain the BS went through to have true healing.

Good Luck- G

BWCAW,

BWCAW,

It is extremelly painful and stressful but, I would like to think that God has me in the situation that I am in for a reason. I can teel you that I have grown very strong during this year. I am going through a very difficult time with my son as well. You see, he is in jail on a murder charge (apparently, self defense). All of this happened at the same time. I thought that my ex would remain with me during this difficult time with our son. He didn't care...he must really love OW. My son commited the crime in October and my ex left in November. I am all alone (with God) through all this. I do not want anyone's pitty is just that I am so overwhelmed with what has happened to my happy life that I do not know where else to go.

I just want all of this pain to go away and if I had to choose between my son and Ex, I would choose my son. If I had to sacrice the love that I have for my Ex for my son;, I would choose my son.

It's been very hard for me and I do not see not even a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks for responding.