I can't believe that I am still sane. This is just such an emotional roller coaster. Much harder than working on marriage. I believe a little of Judy's fog is lifting. I wish it hadn't gotten to this point, but it will make us both stronger and has brought me closer to God. I feel so bad that Satan entered me and is bent at destroying our marriage. I was so mean to Judy and I have no idea why.

I talked to Judy's friend today. They are very close. I asked her if I had a chance. She said "very much so". So that was encouraging. She gave me some clues. She said Judy has no TRUST for me anymore. Since I had the emotional affair over a year ago and denied it even though she knew. I know we can rebuild the trust. Even though Judy has dated I know I can still trust her.

She also said I must show Judy I can be Judy's "Night in Shining Armor". I must protect her. She said this can be acomplished by helping her financially so nothing bad happens to her. She needs to be secure. I told her besides child support, I have paid some daycare. I told her I would pay some of the utilities to help her out. I guess this wouldn't be a problem if we weren't spending thousands in attorney fees. What a waste. Her friend also told me I should see Sophie more often. I would but this protection order doesn't allow me to pick her up or Judy to drop her off. We have to go through 3rd parties, which isn't always easy in different towns. I told her I would try.

Hopefully Judy will cancel the protection order soon so we can see each other or do joint counseling. She told me she felt she had to get it in August because I was acting irrational as to what I was finding out and what we were going through. I told her I understood, but after our conversation she probably feels better about the possibility of dropping it.

Her friend also told me we need to make Christ a fulltime feature in our marriage. I definitely agree. If we put Him ahead of other things I don't think we'd be where we are. Judy and I are distant from each other and even further from Christ. With God's help we will all become closer. I am already moving to Christ and I want Him to be a part of our lives. Judy also knows my wishes and hopefully she feels the same.

I feel we can make our marriage something others will envy. When we do make it I would really like us to help other couples who are close to reaching this point.

Al,

Her friend gave you very good advise. You need to make Christ the center of your life. Sometimes God allows these things to bring us where He wants us, giving Him our whole heart and trusting in Him alone.

It takes time. You said you nor your wife had been making Christ your center, so give it time. Believe and put all your trust in the Lord and you will see changes. But first, you must believe no matter what you see or hear. God wants to build your faith in Him. Don't wavier...stand firm in your faith that God will supply your ever need.

gentle

<small>[ October 22, 2002, 01:27 AM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

Al, prayers for you and your wife. Be patient. In time it will get easier. Do everything you can for your wife. Stretch yourself for her.

God bless! Prayers!

-TuckerSophie

Al, put your trust in the Lord. Support her in any way that you feel comfortable. However, do not underwrite her. Take care of your child. Do not try to buy your love back or score points with financial overtures. Pray and show your love. I am doing the same thing. I have had to back off on the financial part. My wife has been going in the red at least $500/month and I keep bailing her out. She needs to see that I did a lot more positive in the marriage than she will let herself see right now. I think all you and I can do at this point is be there for emotional support, pay our obligated responsibilities, and ensure that they are not destitute. Good Luck.
Remember: "I hate divorce" saysthe Lord the God of Israel. Mal. 2:16

I feel so bad that Satan entered me and is bent at destroying our marriage.
Uh, I don't think you are possessed. He ma have entered your life and is cwreaking havoc all around you, but that does not mean he is IN you.

However, do not underwrite her. Take care of your child. Do not try to buy your love back or score points with financial overtures.
Exactly correct. She needs to feel a little independent so it does not make oyu out to be "controlling" everything.