Hi --

I am new here and have been reading a bit through the site. My story isn't probably all that new or exciting. My partner (no we were not married but lived together and maybe I shouldn't be posting here but this seems to be the right place for me right now) of three years and I seperated 6 months ago. Since then there has been limited communication. Primarily he's been Apathetic about the whole thing. I'm at a loss as to how to help him see his way back.

I am not a begging type of person...yes, I've thought about it. I don't plead or bring him down about his choice to leave. I've been quite civil about the whole thing frankly but I'm losing faith. I don't want to lose faith or hope that things will work out...I just don't know how to turn the tide of Apathy where he's concerned. My heart is open my ears and arms are too...

If anyone out there has dealt with someone who is withdrawn or apathetic please chat with me. I could use insight and understanding and yes...a little hope.

Sorry to hear of this - anytime a Relationship begins dying it's sad. Can you think of anything that might have gone wrong during the time you two were together, ie. non-communication, lack of intimate conversations, not doing stuff together (dating even though you were together), any children? (children can really put a burden on a marriage), etc. Please keep us posted - we're not trying to be nosey or anything, but a few more details would surely help us see what happened and hopefully offer some solid advice to lead you two back together.
Peace, and good luck, Harold

HTB -

Have you read the information on the MB site about the three stages of marriage? I know you were not married but the stages may apply in your case.

Sounds like your significant other is in a state of withdrawal - as well as having a low love bank.

Is he seeing someone else do you know?

Read up on the principles on this site. And you may want to try a Plan A to try and coax him out of his apathy.

There are also some other books by Susan Page about how one of you can bring the two of you together, and there are other authors with similar books - just go to a book store or search on Amazon.com to see.

Something to think about here - after you read about the love bank, and emotional needs, and love busters and Plan A - really think about why you still want to have a relationship with him.

Is it convenience? Familiarity? Shared history? I think that once you read the material that you will want something more from your relaitonship and expect more from your future spouse.

You can have a fabulous marriage, without much effort, however, relationships take two, and maybe it's better that you have found out now that he doesn't have what it takes to commit, rather than mbeing married for 5 years with two kids and then he leaves, because at that point you have the emotional well being of the kids to think about.

Just some things to think about.

K