My living situations have changed causing me to reach out to my soon ex for a roof over my head. It was the first conversation we'd have in weeks, maybe months. She was very calm, level headed and smart like she always has been. She's such a good person, and wife. Tomorrow I start my first day of counseling with "our" marriage counselor that we use to go to. I'm so excited to see the counselor, scared but excited to deal with me and move on in my life. I really messed up my marriage. She is such a caring and loving wife. My life misses this incredible woman. I can do it...Lord, give me strength.

Suprisingly we talked for over an hour...she told me about the things she knew I did, she told me everything that she could remember. WOW...she was so strong to even go there. She has a special gift of love and hope she can touch my people in her new career. I want her to be happy, even though I know she won't have me as her husband. I wish her the best of love and success.
During our conversation she let me just ramble, which was so go for me to just say some things to her. I rambled on for probably 20 minutes. I checked to make sure she was awake, and she really was too. I was surprised. After all this woman loved me with her whole being and I decieved her, lied to her, crossed so many boundaries and caused her so much pain. She did listen to me though. I needed to let her know that I really messed up our lives and how sorry I was. I know that nothing I said could possibly take away the pain, but she has to know that I understand that because of the affair I had I treated her like crap. Worse than crap actually. God I was so blinded by this other person. Dumb Dumb Dumb.... I hope she can realize someday that I still do love her, and I made a huge mistake...One that I have to live with every day of my life, because she's gone and I've lost a friend, a partner, a wife, my soulmate. If we ever met again in another life I will show her that I can be a super husband (even if I'm a cat in the afterlife) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> We both love cats!

My new mission in life is to tell everyone I know that affairs do creek up on you. Be aware, love your spouse, talk to them, tell them your fears, tell them your needs, tell them when you're not getting, what you need from marriage or you life. I promised myself that I want to share my story with people I meet and encourgage them to stick with thier marriage, be faithful. Even if I have to be some type of lay counselor to my friends and strangers that I meet. I will help others realize that marriage is a special bond between 2 people. Take those vows seriously. Life your life with your spouse. Give it all you have. Be smart. Don't be tempted. Talk to your spouse, love your spouse like today is that last day you'll ever see him or her...For some, today will be the last day they will see their spouse. How sad. And to think all of us in here that have a spouse on this beautiful earth, but for what ever reason why can't work things out in our marriages. Try, try so hard. I know the pain and agony hurts so much...but try it's worth it in the long run. I believe...in time everyones pain can be healed. Trust and respect can be earned back. Be patient because it won't be easy. Nothing worth the effort is easy.

Just look at 1 married couple tomorrow and look at how happy they are. Then think that tomorrow 1 married couple will lose their spouse to a sudden death...car accident, heart attack... Think about it...It happens every day.

Now look at your life. Divorce, I know you are hurting,(I am too) maybe even hate each other, look at your children (I wish I could have had a child with my wife) WE HAVE OUR SPOUSES. EVEN THOUGH WE MAY NOT LIVE WITH THEM, TALK TO THEM OR HAVE ANY COMMUNICATION. THEY ARE ALIVE.

Let life live, let marriages survive, heal those hurting hearts, and give those marriages TIME. TIME TIME TIME...

Bless my wife, give her strength even though I can not be at her side and support her. I want her to have a happy life, be happy helping others. You go girl. Make it happen! I believe in you!

Bless you all, may just a little pain go away today and everyday!

dgt-may all your dreams come true. I'm wish I could watch you change the world!

I love you!

-Still your Prince

<small>[ October 22, 2002, 01:41 AM: Message edited by: TuckerSophie ]</small>