Hey Wallace -
Just thinking about you and wanted to make sure that your o.k.

Just butting in to ask how are you ? too. I havent been on here much. I had surgery in July & then 6 weeks recovery. Back at work, boss kind of *****y at times. When I came back to work, H started looking for apartment. I guess he found one. He moved out October 1st. He says he wont tell me where he lives until the Divorce is final cause I'd be "spying on him". I told him he wouldnt have to worry if he had nothing to hide, but that he is hiding something. A few spats since then. He still denies affair. But I saw his cell phone bill from July-August when I was in hospital & home in bed. Almost the whole bill was calls to OW's office and work #'s. How the heck can he make me doubt myself!!??? I see it all with my own eyes & ears but he remains adament to my face that he has not talked to her! Grr.

So I guess the papers will be showing up soon again. The crazy thing is that I miss him so much. He had not ever given us a chance since he came home in January. Not once. He was always gone. Got a motorbike & would "go for a ride" for 3-4 hrs every night & no explanation. Telling me we were over & it was none of my business. But I miss the person I've been with the last 15 yrs (well, 13.5 not counting the affair time). There is so much to remind me of other times etc. How can he be SO casual about it all??? Thats what bugs me the most. We were EVERYTHING to each other and had no prior relationships before we got married. AARGH!

So I go to work, and work, and work & go home & vegetate. I do not feel like going out or doing anything. I definately do not feel like meeting new people (men) at all. My small circle of friends all have kids under the age of 5, so their activities are restricted by feeding times, changes, naps etc. I am in the dumps these days. I guess its the winter blahs. We went from 90 degree weather to 35 degrees with rain & possibly snow. Ugh. I gotta get my net at home up & running again. I dont have the chance from work anymore. I'll check back to see how the rest of you are doing.

oops.

<small>[ October 23, 2002, 01:51 PM: Message edited by: AgainstTheWind ]</small>

Hi ITABD and ATW,

Well I made it!

Things went very well for me in Court, better than I ever could anticipate.

The bad news is... I am officially divorced, the good news is that the Judge gave her absolutely nothing.

In fact he awarded me everything, because of how she conducted herself.

We don't have abandonment in this State... but the Judge was just so upset with what she had done, he treated the case as if it was abandonment.

In fact he set the CS so high on her, that I don't think I will ever collect a dime of it from her. I can't see how she could ever possibly pay it.

He ruled that all the money that she stole while we were seperated, was more than what she should have received in this divorce settlement.
So he awarded me the works, plus $5,000.00 for my wedding band that she stole.

I wish it never would have had to come to this, and I did everything in my power over the last several years to stop it, but you reach a point when you say enough is enough and follow through with it.

My emotions were all over the place, and I never want to go through it ever again.

If they only knew the pain they were dealing out to all involved.

It was a nightmare, but I am more determined than ever to move forward with my life.

It took me awhile to come to grips with it all, that is why I'm late getting back to you in conjunction with the FJ.

ATW,

I know how you are feeling. I went through the exact emotions that you are right now.

Words alone cannot describe what you are feeling, it is an experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Try to find a divorce support group in your area, and a good Church group if you can.

You need to be able to share what your feeling not only here, but with others... face to face.

You will get an opportunity to go through all the stages of what you are experiencing with others. I found that sharing with others, as well as prayer, is what helped me get through all this.

I did just exactly what you are doing... it took everything I had to go out and meet with people and share what I was feeling.
I spent months greiving over everything that had happened... never going out, not wanting to meet anyone, especially new people.

I prayed and prayed to God to give me the strength just to go to Church, let alone do anything else.

God gave me the strength, and the direction after months of greiving over my marriage of almost 24 yrs.

I put it all in God's hands... and allowed him to lead me... and lead me he did.

I went to Church, and then I started meeting people... people who were going through what I was going through... and we shared what we were feeling, we cried, and cried for the longest time... and as time went by, we started tolearn how to laugh again... and it was a good feeling to know that you indeed were still alive as a person. IMHO you need to do that as well.

I didn't get a real chance to save my marriage, for whatever reason I'll probably never know.

In my marriage we were everything together as well... and then something changed. The person that I loved and cherished so dearly was no longer there... I didn't know this person any longer... she was not the same person I had shared all those happy times with.

What I'm trying to say is at this point you need to take care of you. As hard as it is, you can't let this beat you into the ground.

When I was going through what you are experiencing, I prepared myself for whatever outcome and path my "M" was going to take. It was not an easy task... there are no magic words.

Surround yourself with friends, family, and God.

You need to take the next step, just a small step... one at a time.

If you do that, no matter what your "H" decides... you will be in a much better position to deal with the outcome... be it good or bad.

Work on a good Plan A. For yourself not anyone else... do it for you... you owe that to yourself.

Be good to yourself, give it to the Lord, and allow him to give you the stregnth and direction that you need right now.

It will get better in time... have faith.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace -
I had a feeling that the judge would see the true story here. I am sorry that it is final. You fought a long hard battle. Longer than I did and you should be proud of that.

As you know we both live in the same state. Don't they garnish wages of parents that have court orders to pay CS? I also thought that if you are behind in CS that they can take your drivers license away. Maybe this is all stuff that they were trying to pass in legislature. Did your lawyer say anything about this?

Hang in there and you are still going to have good and bad days but, I think the worst day passed yesterday and focus on the good in your life.

Thinking of you
ITABD

PS on a side note - was thinking about changing my name. Which one do you like better?
I had a Bad Dream or
I was in a Bad Dream <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ October 23, 2002, 10:30 PM: Message edited by: Is this a bad dream ]</small>

Hi ITABD,
Thank you for being here.during this whole mess... it has been an experience.
You know ITABD... I like your name just as it is...I'm curious why do you want to change it?
If you are thinking of changing it, I would change it to "I had a bad dream"... or "I'm living a bad dream", or "I survived a bad dream"... something along those lines.
It was quite a battle that I fought... I did fight a long battle... I only wished that the outcome had been different.
I know the rollercoaster ride is probably far from over... I wish it was, and you are right... there are going to be good days as well as bad.
Hopefully I will have more good days than bad... I can only pray.
In our State you can garnish through the State... the only kick is, they have to stay at a single job long enough to get a garnishment going. Usually they will quit their job and take off to something else over and over and over again., and then your only option at that point is to garnish their income tax returns. It's a fight, one that I'm not really looking forward to.
I hope we both have brighter days to come.
Thank you for being there and I hope things are going well for you today.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hey Wallace -
You may notice, I changed my name to I Had a Bad Dream. The main reason that I felt that I needed to change it is because I think it will help me heal just a little more.

Just like I bought a ring to wear after the DV was final that I called my freedom ring. Not really freedom from my Marriage or my XH but freedom from the lies and deceit and the freedom to get on with my life and work on making me a better person for me and no body else.

I think we all have to do these little things, ceramonies I guess you could call them, to get us through the tough times.

I am doing very well. The only thing that I wish is that I could go one day without thinking about the X. Unfortunately, there are so many things that make me think of him, songs on the radio, something said on a TV Show, commercials, even scraping my windows in the morning (I used to have a garage to put my car in, but not since I sold the house). When I scrape the windows it actually doesn't bring loving feelings towards him, more anger because I have to do it now and so many things have changed.

I guess I should count my blessings that my X is still involved in S life and so far has paid CS. We will see when things get slow at work this winter how that goes. (He is in construction). I told him that the 1st month that I don't receive it I will be at the court house filing papers. I won't put up with any of that.

Hang in there and take care of yourself.

<small>[ October 24, 2002, 05:27 PM: Message edited by: I Had a Bad Dream ]</small>