I am currently floating between topic boards and in life. How did you know it was "time to go"? I know I don't want this, but the pain is becoming sooooo difficult to handle. My H refuses to decide what he wants. I keep waiting to become peaceful with a decision. When we were separated, H said he was growing apart from me. When do you just accept that he doesn't love you?

timetogo,

You've been given some valuable insites in your posts on the other boards. I think what you are experiencing is typical of a BS. I know I vasilated between wanted to restore my M and getting a dv quickly.

For me, I committed to 1 year after dday to take any action. Dday was Oct 9, 2001. I found these boards a few weeks after dday and started plan A. This Spring I could feel my WH responding and Steve Harley told me that I was doing a great plan A considering we lived 1200 miles apart!

In late May of this year I found out that WH has been into cocaine,as well as the OW, so that was the kicker for me. I knew that our M could not survive that. It was and is soooo painful to let go of someone you love. I have not filed yet, but it looks like it will be soon.

My thoughts are that if Wh never changes, then I have spared myself alot of pain and misery and same for the kids. IF he decides to turn his life around, I will leave the door open. But if that ever happened, we would have to start like any new R, and see what we have to build on.

My criteria (for lack of a better word) for a R are soooo different now than before Dday. I have learned and grown so much.

All in all, I glad I took my time. People on these boards told me that I would know when the time came and they were right. You just know. I prayed and asked God to confirm my feeling, which He did.

God Bless,

D.

<small>[ October 24, 2002, 09:13 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

I'm going to sit with this and pray. I don't want to rush a decision, just know things are not right and I trust my instinct. This is not just about a woman scorned.... by now< I know the routine. I'm so sorry that you had to find these things out. I've always asked God to reveal what I needed to know about the A and it seems that he's done that for you. Sometimes it takes a big kicker to help you to recognize the end of the line. I guess I need to find some patience. Thank you so much for listening.

((((((((TimeToGo)))))))))

It's a tough and difficult decision. For me, it was the day that I realized that I had tried everything to save my marriage, that I was worthy of being loved, that I would be ok, that I couldn't change her thoughts/feelings/actions. Basically what I'm saying was it was when "I" came to terms with myself.

There was still a long greiving process afterwards, but hind site 20/20, I wouldn't of done it any different. Another thing that helped me out tremendiously is that one night in my darkest hour I went for a walk and had it out with the Lord. When I returned home I made a list of every worry or problem that I had. Trust me it was a long list. Then I evaluated each item and by the time I was done, I could only control like 5 things on this list. The rest I prayed for every day and when I felt that prayer was answered I crossed them off.

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers