I really don't think i can make it through this. After 16 years of marriage the wifw has filed for divorce.. I can't help this overwhelming feeling that my life is over..

your life is not over. You should tell us the whole stoty so we can better understand what is happening to you.

Tell us a bit more....

Hi and welcome to MB. I felt your desperation and pain as I read your post. I think everybody here has felt this at some point, or we probably wouldn't be here (not that this makes your pain any less) Did you see it coming or was this something of a total shock when she filed? There is always hope and this is an excellent place for encouragement. It's hard to offer advice when I don't know any details of your situation, however, the information on the site has some excellent starting places for rebuilding your marriage and your life. Read everything you can here and I'm sure lots of folks here will offer you encouragement. It's often a long and painful process to save a marriage when it has reached the point of one filing for divorce, but it can be done. Even if she still goes through with it, you still need to work on rebuilding your life and not giving up. You are important too. Do you have children? Why do you think she is giving up after 16 years? I've been married for 22 years and I am the one that's throwing in the towel, so I'm kind of on the opposite side of the fence than you are, but the one thing we all share here is the pain and agony of a troubled or dying marriage. Don't give up on life, you CAN go on.
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this came as a complete surprise to me.. we ahve two kids both girls ages 8 and 10. My wife didn't even tell me she gave me a note.. She says she needs to go on with her life without me. The reasons seem to be petty we have worked through many problems in our marriage. But she said she is not going to go on with her life with me in it.. I just can't stand the fact that she is treating me like a complete stranger. I don't know if she has found someone else or not but i think she has..

Each one of us has to decide what we want and what we are willing to sacrifice to get it. If you want something bad enough, you will try every avenue to get to that point. It is a long, hard road to travel. Not a journey you can finish if you are beaten down and weak. Do all you can to become a strong person who can make this journey. Work on Plan A. There are a lot of success stories here and there are some sad endings. But it's not over till you give up. There is always hope if you are willing to work at it. The thing you have to do now is get strong and informed if you are going to battle. I don't mean battle your wife, but fight for your marriage. It's very easy to start viewing the one you love and want back as the enemy you are fighting. Fight the distruction of your marriage and take a good hard look at yourself, but if you really want her back, don't let yourself see her in a bad light. It sounds like a hard thing to do. I wonder how many of us start fighting to save our marriage b/c we want our spouse back more than anything, things don't progress as we would like and somehow without even realizing it, our focus turns from fighting to save the marraige to fighting the very thing we were trying to save in the first place. If she is seeing someone else, how are you going to feel about it?
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mylifeisover -

It's good that you have found this site because everyone here has been where you are and hopefully we can help you get though this.

Have you read the other information here about emotional needs and love busters? If you want to try and understand what is happening with your marriage, it's best to start by reading the information on the MB site and then see how it applies to you.

If you think that there is an affair going on - then you need to read Surviving an Affair by Harley.

Right now, your wife is not happy because she is not getting her needs met.

All is not lost. Read about Plan A and start today - which means try to meet her needs and take out all love busters.

Now you also need to make sure that YOU have a support system throught this made up of family, friends, a counselor, church group and most importantly God. You will need all of this help to carry you through the pain, sadness and confusion of this time in your life.

Try to be there for your children and just take things ONE DAY AT A TIME.

And continue to post with any questions or any time you want to release some of those emotions.

My prayers are with you and yoru family, K

I am very sorry for your situation.

I will also tell you that to me, after being through the same thing, and seeing it here time and time again. I think that there is a VERY GOOD chance that there is another man. This is just the way that things happen like this. The immediate distancing is because they feel the pull, but cannot take the guilt.

I don't know and I definitely feel for you. Read here and keep yourself as strong as possible. Believe it or not, you will continue to progress regardless of what happens to your marriage. Read here and post your feelings, questions, and concerns about anything and everything, NO MATTER HOW SMALL. If nothing else, you will find that you are not the first, second, or even 500th person that this has occurred to. And with the people that have gone before you, you will find strength, empathy, sympathy, and respect.

There are no words to help you to understand that WE UNDERSTAND. It is just a horrible place to be, and the fact that you see it so much differently than she does will make it that much harder to understand. The only advice that I can give you right now is don't try to understand too much.

That being said, I know that you will try to figure it out. You will spend every waking moment trying to come to an understanding how this could happen. How could she do this? How could she do this to your family? How could she do this to your children? What is she thinking? IS she thinking? What can I do? What could I have done? Did she let me know? Was it me? Is it her? I can change. I will change. Nothing is worth this.

You will go over these things time and time again over the coming weeks and months as you attempt to put some sort of fence around this horrible occurance in your life. You will feel completely powerless and out of control. And this, my friend, is exactly what you are. At least concerning her. You cannot control her actions, thoughts, or desires. You will try to do things to "win" her back, but you must try to keep yourself sane. For yourself and you daughters.

That is the simple fact that will have to become the predominate thought in your mind. Are my children safe? Are they as absolutely protected as they can be? How can I improve their situation and protect them from this mess? Those questions MUST be the preemminant thoughts in your mind. They will give you something that you can control. They will give you something to focus on.

Look at your wife's behavior closely. Snoop a bit, and I am definitely not a snooper. But I am just afraid that, although I hope that I am wrong, that the signs you are talking about sound like there is another man involved. This information, if true, might help you to understand things a little more cleary. Read His Needs/Her Needs, it is agreat help regardelss of whether there is an affair or not. It will give you things that you can actually DO to improve and perhaps save your marriage. See if she will go to marriage counseling. If not, YOU STILL GO TO COUNSELING !!! for yourself and your children. You and they will need it.

Take care and post often. We are here and are at various stages of going through the same types of things.