2001 & 2002 have been hell with X & MOW. Im ready to start over my life with my 13 yr old son. X saw how his son felt about him a few weeks ago when they met after months of not talking or seeing each other. son wouldnt talk with X or look at him. nasty D with X, using his badge & his girlfriends trying to have me arrest. God was with me, both X & chief of Police lost their jobs. They only have themselve to blame. Ive met a very nice christian man. He is D, & has children. known each other from the past. Its been years since we seen each other. been seeing each other for a few weeks now. He is great with my son. Son likes him & wants me to go out with him. Ive never been alone with him, son has always been with me. Its been 18 yrs since Ive went on a date. When we go out alone is it a date? Should I pay my part? Is it ok to ask where are were going so I know how to dress. Are there any christian books about starting over & dating?

m-17yrs,9 monts, 12 days
h-43, w-48
c-13, 29, 8 grd
d-5-23-02

ow-31
c-3 under 10
m-10yrs
d-7-002

myfamily,

I wish I had some better advice, but my best advice is just to relax and be yourself.

And if you have any questions about the date then just ask him. Otherwise the evening will be really uncomfortable and no fun for anyone if you're both trying not to step on each other's toes.

He is probably just as nervous as you - remember that - and will probably be glad to hear your openness about the situation. You don't have to tell him every little fear, and be polite, but don't give yourself any unrealistic expectations because you want him to like you, not some person who you created.

As for dating books, I would go to my local Christian books store and just browse. I know that they have lots. Some other good books are the Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus series of books, and I think they have one on dating.

Other than that, I'd read some books about relationships and recovery and work on healing yourself and learning how to be the best person that you can be for yourself and your kids, and then whoever else comes along.

And someone else will, if that's what you want, just pray about it, and let God help out in that area.

Good topic, as many here are beginning the post divorce phase and trying to figure all this out ourselves.

K

((((MyFamily)))))

I haven't ventured much out on the dating scene. But I've casually went out a couple times and I always asked where they wanted to go or suggested a place plenty of time in advance for the dress code. As for paying, a lady asked me out and she paid. I asked someone out and I paid. A friend and I decided to go out together and we split the evening, one of us paid for dinner and the other for drinks at the club we went to.

The one real concern I do have is getting your son involved at such an early stage. If your son get attached to this man and it doesn't work out then once again he has issues to deal with. If that cycle were to continue it could lead to some more serous attachment problems later in his life. That's just my 2 pennies worth. I've tried to keep my social life semi-private from my girls. I've found that they don't have a problem if I go out, but once they find out with whom, there usually is some issues to deal with. That's also because I'm from small town America.

Heck one date with my daughters friends mom and my daughter was ready for a new sister. Then one not even real date with a friend of the family and I had to deal with more issues.

Just some food for thought....

Hi -
I agree with Bill completely about not involving your children immediately with people you date. That is hard for me, since mine are very young - 1,3, and 5, but it is still in their best interest. I was tempted at first to bring everyone together like one big happy family, (just like ex H and OW did) but I don't think that is best in the long run. One book I read recommended waiting until you are seriously considering this person for marriage. That seems a little extreme to me, since I do feel we are all a package deal, but I would wait for several months, I think. I don't know how old your son is, but my little ones went through a lot in the divorce, and tend to be a bit needy right now. My 5 year old regularly asks me when I am going to get her a stepdad. ("When hell freezes over" doesn't seem to be an appropriate response, so I restrain myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Good luck. Dating after divorce makes me feel like a teenager again - it is fun, scary, exhilirating, and sometimes reminds me that being single is just fine too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The Idea of dating again scares me to death. I get sick to my stomach when ever I think about it. I don't even know where I would meet someone. None of my friends feel comfortable fixing me up because I still have feelings for my X. When will all of that go away. Should I be looking for someone new (3mo. since divorce)?

I waited a year after my divorce was final before I even considered it. That being said, I'm probably not ready for a serious relationship now, at 14 months post divorce. I have enjoyed dating again, and once I got over that "first date after 11 years!" thing I was fine. Everyone's timeline is different, and you'll know when you feel ready. Good luck!