Even if you are in the middle of a divorce, or have already divorced, we all got married originally because we wanted to. I am curious....

1) What did you like about being married?
2) Why is being married better than being by yourself? (If you believe this to be true?)

I am just hoping to hear some other people's perspectives here.

So far, my list of what I liked about being married includes:

1.I liked having someone to talk to about anything and everything. And that someone was a very intelligent, thoughtful, perceptive person.
2.I like having someone who showed me affection, kisses, hugs, etc.
3.I liked being with someone who made me feel special, showed me attention, and genuinely cared about me and how I was feeling.
4.I liked being with someone who liked to do the same things as me for recreation.
6. I liked being with someone who shared my goals in life. I liked being with someone who I was going to have children with.
7.I liked being with someone who was so generous, romantic, kind, funny and charming.
8.I liked the financial security.
9.I liked always having someone at my side who supported me unconditionally.

How about the rest of you?

Jen

PS: I also posted pretty much the same questions over under Infidelity, General Questions. Who knows if the answers will be any different over there, but if you want to check, here's the link: LINK

Thank you for asking this. I am petrified of ever marrying again, and having to write what I "DID" like about being married will probably help with that stigma or fear.

1. Taking care of someone, and being needed, having a purpose.

2. Having someone want to know all about me, and acceptance for being just me.

3. Intimate times, making love and everything that goes with it.

4. The security. My mom abandon me when I was a teen, so security is important to me.

5. Being a "FAMILY".

6. Sharing everything with someone, just all the every day stuff.

7. Making plans for our future.

8. Celebrating our differences and sharing our dreams.

<small>[ October 27, 2002, 08:58 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

^^bump^^

We were married young so many of the things I liked were from the 1st 5 years. Lokking back on the other 7 years, pretty much everything I liked was gone.

FIRST 5 YEARS
1. Experiencing new things in life. Like 1st appartment, moving, buying car.

2. Being the all american family.

3. Staring endlessly watching the one I loved sleep next to me, feeling her breathe.

4. The look in her eyes, so innocent.

NEXT 7 YEARS
Pretty MUCH NOTHING......... I look back at that time and there was no love, just co-existence. That look in the eye was gone....

I can't say that being married is better or worse than being by yourself. I think it boils down to being happy with yourself. I'm happier now than I've been for the last 7 years but I miss the 1st five years.

Did I make any sense..........

If you want to know the truth, the main thing I did not like about being married for 8 years is that my now X carried on a 4-year affair with my now X-good girlfriend.

But, I have to say this: Before I knew what was going on with them, I would tell her that if I ever divorced him, I would miss nothing (which came out to be true).

I had no affection, no help around the house, no major financial support, and definitely no feeling about being "special".

When we married we had lived together for two years. When I first met him, he was like Wally Cleaver. When I hit D-Day (and before), he had turned into Eddie Haskell.

I am not joking.

I love being on my own away from his lying-ness. Love it.

TwentyNinePalms~
Oh my, your story sounds just exactly like mine!!! I miss ABSOLUTELY NOTHING of being married to my ex. Nothing to miss, lies, cheating, selfishness, and on & on!! Can't really think of anything at all to miss.

I am also happier now that i have been for the last several years. I love being on my own, just me and my boys <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wouldn't trade it for nothing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well, the replies here are certainly different than those over on the infidelity (general questions) board. But I can certainly understand your perspectives. Yes, Losthusband, you made sense. I mostly miss the way my marriage was for the first handful of years too, not the way it was at the end.

Just curious, of those of you who are either in the midst of a divorce, or are divorced, how many of you actually want to marry again? From the sounds of things, I'm doubting very many of you do?

If my M doesn't work out, I know I will be out there looking for a future H#2, I really want to have that companionship again, and have children.

Jen

Marry again? Well, I have to say even tho there are so many things I liked about being married, I'm still very sceptical about marriage now.

I love the "IDEA" and all the nuances that go along with it, but real world tells me the chances of marrying a cheating lying H again are high. That worries me. I don't know if I want to risk that.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in the Harley's methodolgy of ENs, POJA and the 4 Rules of Protection, but how will I know my new spouse would truly use them as well. Because as we all know, it takes contribution from BOTH spouses to make a marriage work.

I know what most would say to me about how I feel, because I do realize how cynical I sound, and I realize I have trust issues. But regardless, I think my scepticism is valid.

Anyone else?

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ October 29, 2002, 10:10 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

I think that someday I will be married again. I have absolutely no time-line and am not "looking" for anyone now.

After being on these boards I don't think I'll have trust issues because I've come to realize how many great good honest people are out there.

Heck one of my biggest hang-ups right now is that I am worried about ruining a friendship by getting involved. Right now I'm totally content with having a lot of friends and raising my girls. The only part I don't perticularly care for is the lack of intamacy. Which is my own choice.

Momof4: Where are you at now? Any desire to be in a relationship? I sometimes think it will be a loooong time before I am ready. But when I am, I refuse to let emotional baggage from this stupid marriage of mine cloud anything good in the future. So, I am on my own right now, but at least I don't have to worry about anyone else raining on my parade.

Jen, you bring up interesting question. I have to admit I am still legaly married. I found this board right after I had decided to file for divorce, and put it on indefinate hold for her and my two daughters. Since then I have had to take a look at alot of things, why I got married in the first place for one. I'm still working on that one, so I may ramble a little bit(missed conecting with my counseor lst two appoint.)All I know about that for sure is I knew about my Junior year in High School I had to be married!That may have affected my processes when I did.

Now your post brings up some new things to think about!! What I can tell you is the first 10-12 years I enjoyed most everything. Coming home to her to see her smiling face, hearing about her day. going out with our friends, vacationing in northern Cal sleeping in a tent and fishing for a couple weeks a year, hitting the desert in so.Cal. with our friends and buggies. we had no kids, and didn't believe we would ever have any, not for lack of trying <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .And then there was lovemaking, everywhere almost, sand dunes, on the boat, the beach, a snow bank near Mammoth, side of the road, etc. We were married 12+ years when we got the the news, SHE IS PREGGERS! For a year and a half I walked 8 inches off the ground. When our oldest was about 15 months we were debating a second yes or no and that decision was made for us, I would have 2 daughters! we were estatic. After my lil' doll was born she started to turn into her mother. Even though we had eliminated the possibility of unexspectedly having a third, our sex life, and her afffection for me started to spiral. The last 4 + years we have mostly co- habitated. Her life revolves around the girls, not that mine doesn't, but I have to work. last few have just been crap. I'm working on that, can't get her to set up MC,(my counselor says I have to let her do that), she won't get into tests on MB,(very revealing, and educational), wont read from this site or The Marriage Bed site. I miss the intamecy, and companionship.

Would I marry again? I can tell you it would be quite a while. I don't know how not to be married, but I would learn. I would not be able to handle a roommate that I know. probably would date for a long time before marrying again, most likely would throw myself even further into my job, and my public service, go back to college and get my degree.

Well, I hope I answeed some of your questions, I've rambled on enough and need to get a couple hours of shut eye before I go to work.

DJ

Reslient and Lost Husband: I am so much in agreement with both of you. May our guiding stars always be there for us in the unknown. I can't even imagine having a relationship again after all I have been through, but I know from past experience, that eventually I will. It seems like it takes a little longer each time. (Meaning that since I was in h.s., I have been cheated on at least 3x with the boyfriend/my H (only 3 long-term relationships) and personally, I am getting sick of either the men I pick or my poor luck. I mean, how come no one else seems to be as unlucky in the "cheatin" dept. as me? Is it because I might be a tad too nice? Just wondering your views on this subject matter. I frankly believe that the easier one is to make a good relationship, the other walks all over you. Any thoughts?

BUMP????????

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TwentyNinePalms:
<strong>Reslient and Lost Husband: I am so much in agreement with both of you. May our guiding stars always be there for us in the unknown. I can't even imagine having a relationship again after all I have been through, but I know from past experience, that eventually I will. It seems like it takes a little longer each time. (Meaning that since I was in h.s., I have been cheated on at least 3x with the boyfriend/my H (only 3 long-term relationships) and personally, I am getting sick of either the men I pick or my poor luck. I mean, how come no one else seems to be as unlucky in the "cheatin" dept. as me? Is it because I might be a tad too nice? Just wondering your views on this subject matter. I frankly believe that the easier one is to make a good relationship, the other walks all over you. Any thoughts?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I dunno, 29P's. For me, I married a musician, an "arTEEST" according to him. And I think in a way I may have a thing for guys that are considered "bad boys", but just to a small degree. The old "Catholic Girl Rebels by Marrying a Bad Boy" thing. I'm doing my level best to change that. I can because it's within my control.

So "IF" I was looking for a serious relationship, I imagine next time I would look for someone who could fill my needs (Harley Prinicipals). I mean, yeah, chemistry really matters, all that raw passionate stuff is a definite ... but at least I'll have done my best to not make the same mistakes, not repeat the past. No more bad boys for me. I think there are non-badboys out there that can fill the bill, don't you?

Jo