Well my best regards to everyone,

Been busy trying to piece together a property settlement with ex - trial is approaching for spousal support and ex is getting antsy.

And, last week I thought that we had come to an agreeable solution.

But, in predictable ex fashion, as the weekend progressed the deal kept getting worse for me.

However, at this point, I'm just about ready to take the money, what there is of it, and run.

It literally makes me sick to talk to ex - still and it's been 6 months since the divorce, and once ex gets his property, we STILL have to work out the schedule for the kids.

Divorce is such a mess, and I am already tired of it all. I am ready to move on - without ex, however, he is a necessary evil because of the communication about the 4 kids.

I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel - if I squint really really hard. Let's all hope.

I continue to pray for all of you and for guidance and healing for me.

Here's wishing better days to come for us all. K

I understand your fustrations. My stbw exhusband tied things up in court for quite awhile before he got tried of the game. I don't know about you but there should be some kind of a time limited or rules that don't allow people tying up valualble court time and other peoples lives. Ex spouses sometimes do this as away to not let the other have a life through vendictivness. With her it was not the kids or property, he was mad cause she didn't come crawling back to him when he left so he tied things up in court just out of spite. Not all people are like that, some are mature about it realize that it's over and get it over and move on with thier lifes.

231

<small>[ October 28, 2002, 02:22 AM: Message edited by: 231 ]</small>

(((((((Giic)))))))

My prayers are with you!

D.

GIIC,
I'm praying for you and your family. I have the feeling that I'll be trailing your experiences, unfortunately. I am more at peace with myself than in the past, and know that I will get through this all, as will you.

Practice the Prayer of Jabez, ask for what you want. God wants to give to his believers.

It stinks; everything about divorce/affairs stinks. So sorry to hear of your stress, but it does look as though you're nearing the end... Keep looking to God to stay strong in your faith. That is the only thing that is going to get us through this turmoil. Keep up the good fight, and continue to do what is right! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You've been a real inspiration to me at times, and I do remember you in my prayers. Take care of yourself.

Hiya GIIC!

"Can we just finish property settlement and move on?" ABSOLUTELY NOT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> That would mean that he would be done and over with you other than the kids <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> and to him...it's not a win-win situation for him. After all...remember he's the one that left and wanted you to be crawling and begging for him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> and you didn't! Shame on you!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Seriously....I am sorry that you have to go through all this. Will it make you feel a bit better if I tell you that we are STILL in the Discovery phase...and we've been divorced for OVER TWO YEARS?? (oh...and separated for 4 years in August..) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You ARE doing amazing things even though you can't see it right now. You've been an amazing source of support for so many with your posts and continued support of others. Know that we are all praying for you and trust in the fact that God is there right along beside you. Someone told me once that perhaps the lesson in all this is not for us...but maybe it's for those ex's of ours.

{{{hugs}}}

Yuck, he is wearing you down, and it's not fair. You have custody of 4 little ones, and one is a newborn nursling, and he's still not happy about what he's put you through.

Can you get help with a Mediator? It is possible to pull back, have someone else do the negotiating, I know your lawyer wasn't very helpful. GIIC, he is sucking your very life force from you, kicking you when you're down. It would be easier to let him win on the money amount, and the property issues, by saying "Yes, yes,whatever you want."

The idea is tempting, heavens, you just want to put your head down on the pillow and sleep, take a nap, get some well-deserved rest.

The kids need all the money you can win for them. I'm thinking Mediation because you could just go into the mediator's office, have all your paperwork there, a list of "talking points," and sit quietly, and not be paying a lawyer $400 an hour. Energy conservation, your own precious energy.

Your ex is a sick puppy, but you know that. He's acting from the lowest level of his being. He wants to show that you are "the bad one." He can do that by raking in all the chips, and taking them home to his new wife, "the good one." It's sick and hostile, and cruel beyond measure. With a ruling in his favor, he can say to the world "Even the judge thought she was a B****, that's why I got such a great settlement! Now I've got a new wife, a new mother for my kids!"

What does all this say about his wisdom in chosing a life partner and mother for his children? You were so terrible that he just couldn't stop having babies with you.

It makes no sense. Then, after having such poor judgment about YOU, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> , he picks wife number two! And what a prize she is. A woman of such high moral fiber that she opens her legs up for a man whose wife is carrying his fourth child, and encourages him to desert all of you.

You'd think he'd take time out to figure out where he went wrong the first time, instead of picking someone out while his foot was still back in the doorway of his first marriage.

I loved Elan's post, by the way. Re-read it when you need a smile. Really cute!

K

Don't take the first offer and run with it. You are an attorney. You know he is wearing you down and this is a game to him. That is all. A business deal. A proposition. One he will try to win. I have been filed for over a year. Did not accept poopy offer from stbx and it is dragging along. But I will pick up the fight after the holidays and hopefully be single by the first of the year. He has put us through so much emotional trauma that I am just not going to bother with fighting him legally during the holidays. Especially since the last two d days occurred (the main ones where I discovered other women{ happened right before Christmas. I want peace this holiday.

But you do not give up. He is counting on wearing you down. Do not give up the good fight because you are growing weary. The little ones depend on you. And I love Belle and Elan's comments too. Yep. This OW is certainly a prize...But that is another day and another story. He had better hope they signed a pre nup before running off to sin city with the wench. I feel he will become a divorce pro before too long with her. The stats are stacked up against them big time.

Don't give in. It just looks a bit bleak now. Squint really hard. See what you could have. Not what you settle for. Your xH has settled for life with a w#ore. You don't settle at all period. Let him be the one who has settled. You are the wronged party, the one who should be taking up the fight head on here. He is doing the old Clinton routine...Spin the facts and put the heat on the other side. Remember that political tactic???When they'd bust him doing something wrong (ie, "sex" with an intern, etc), he would turn around and point the finger accusingly at the other party doing the accusing and put them on the defensive. That is all that is going on here. He just has the momentum behind him from ms. stripey nails. Anyway, you have the momentum of the kids and your family and us. Don't bail now. The game is afoot. Play it well and smartly. Don't fall into the trap he has set for you. You are sooooooo much smarter than he is.

I am praying for you.

GIC,

I hope you are doing well today. Don't have any great advice for you, just do whatever is BEST for you! I know how you feel...sometimes it is just easier to let something go rather than fight. It all depends how far you two are from what you want and what he wants to give you. Only you know best if a fight is worth it.

While reading this thread it struck me that I don't understand a lot of issues regarding divorce. How can you be divorced, but not have agreed on important things like child visitation and settlements? I am confused. Years ago when I got a divorce you had to have all these things worked out before you would be granted one. Have things changed so much? Someone suggested mediation and that sounds like a good idea. A lot less stressful than attorneys handling it.

Bell,
"With a ruling in his favor, he can say to the world "Even the judge thought she was a B****, that's why I got such a great settlement! Now I've got a new wife, a new mother for my kids!""

I hope no one ever thinks such a thing is possible. GIC will always be the ONLY mother to her children!! Why would a judge think negatively of a person who settled without a fight in court? I don't understand...

NotPeachy,

"Don't take the first offer and run with it. You are an attorney. You know he is wearing you down and this is a game to him. That is all. A business deal. A proposition. One he will try to win. I have been filed for over a year. Did not accept poopy offer from stbx and it is dragging along. But I will pick up the fight after the holidays and hopefully be single by the first of the year. He has put us through so much emotional trauma that I am just not going to bother with fighting him legally during the holidays. Especially since the last two d days occurred (the main ones where I discovered other women{ happened right before Christmas. I want peace this holiday."

Don't blame you a bit for not pursuing things during the holidays! Take the time to allow you and yours to enjoy them!! Unlike, GIC, it sounds like you aren't divorced and working on a settlement. Do I have that correctly? Can I ask if it is costing you very much to continue the fight for an entire year? Will what you gain be a lot more than what it will cost in attorney fees to fight for that long?

Everyone take care!

<small>[ October 31, 2002, 12:37 PM: Message edited by: TheFeminineSide ]</small>

TFS - Now a days you get divorced and the nothing has to be worked out by the courts unless you can't agree on things. Then you go to court to settle things.

When you have to fight over everything it can be expensive - lets see my bill so far - probably $10,000.00 at least and I still have a custody fight to persue...........

K

GIC,

Wow!! How horrible to have to spend so much just to get what you rightfully should have anyway!! It is a shame that you two couldn't have worked it out and been able to split the attorney fees too.

Regarding custody, he isn't trying to have sole custody is he?? Can't imagine any court would give him that. It would not be in the best interest of the children either. Sure, they need their father, but they need their mother more (in my opinion) when they are little. Guess that is the mother in me talking.

I will be sure to include you and your children in my prayers...