Hi everyone...

I've been struggling with how to best go about this and would appreciate your support and advice. Here's what I'm considering.

Option 1: Retain a lawyer on my own and begin DV quietly, so WW doesn't know what's going on till I'm ready to rock and roll... then move out and hit her with it all at once.

Option 2: Wait till 11/17 (marital counseling session), on this day tell her that, "Rahny, our marriage just isn't working. I think we both see it coming to an end. We can work together on this one last thing to minimize the hurt, or we can fight and ruin us both financially and emotionally. I've set up an appointment for tomorrow 11/18 for us to meet with a dv lawyer and talk about things. I hope you'll come with me. We have another session with our mcounsellor on 11/20. I'd like to ask her to mediate anything we can't come to terms with on our own."

Option 3: Get my own apartment, move out, and send her the papers, working everything through a lawyer.

I don't know how to handle the financial aspect of everything. We have a joint checking account with some $1000s of dollars in it. There are also multiple credit cards. I'm deeply concerned about her raiding what little is left out of spite and anger. How do you prepare yourself for something like this?

<small>[ October 28, 2002, 09:32 AM: Message edited by: Lyxa ]</small>

If you are INTENT on the DV, then open a new checking account and move HALF of your money to it. Then, sit down and tell her what you intend to do and have done. It sounds like you DON'T know what you want right now. If that is the case, do more counselling and maybe you can work things out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Lyxa
You mentioned two different dates for Marriage counseling (11/17 and 11/20). Maybe one is for individual and one is for joint counseling, or maybe one of those dates is a typo. Either way, if you're paying to see a counselor, what does the counselor advise? All of the options you listed are a "marking point", a step of seriousness, so I would certainly take what he/she has to say into consideration. Does your counselor know both of you well enought to help you with theses decisions?

Different states have different procedures for financial equity, and if you take half now that may be jumping ahead of things and could come back to bite you later, especially if you aren't entitled to 50%. If you haven't asked a lawyer yet, you should just for the financial aspect, if nothing else. Or go to Divorce Info or Divorce Net to get some basic facts.