Annavon,
I'm not defending his [censored] behavior, so please don't take it that way...but it is each party's lawyer's JOB to believe the lies of their client. And do I get this right?? Your lawyer called your stbx's lawyer and had to hang up on the lawyer for yelling at her?? Wow! It sounds like he got a lawyer who is JUST LIKE HIM. No wonder the abusive, controling stbx's lawyer believes him. They are fighting for the right to be jerks!!
Annavon, as you know I am not divorced and I have not gone through the pain of property settlement, etc. But it seems to me that with the exception of this stuff related to your stbx that you are doing quite well. You are happy and mentally healthy, you are away from him and his mental and emotional cruelty, you are your kids are starting to bond and find joy in the world...in other words, this is the last string and the last way in which he can exercise any control over you, right??
This is a highly radical thought, but what if you weighed the benefits of losing the wedding ring and the van against the benefits of getting this over with. I know Iowa is nuts, but if you go to court and have your say and stand up to him, it might do your self-esteem a world of good. You would be courageous in the face of the demon! However, the price would be that you loose a van that ties you to him and a piece of jewelry that ties you to him--and the connection between you would continue for longer because you two were fighting in court.
On the other hand, you could just give in to him and try to drop the no-contact order (even though that legally can't be done), and thus allow him back into your life and into your world--in order to get the divorce done with quicker... the price would be that he would be free to harrass you and the kids in any way he sees fit without any legal consequence for as long as he wants to.
Oh, what am I saying??? The answer seems obvious doesn't it?? You can BUY a new van and a ring is just a sentimental old hunk of metal--and the stone is just crushed coal! Take the bus for a while if you have to, but DON'T LET THIS MONSTER BACK IN YOUR LIFE!!!
Seriously, Annavon, he's just trying to scare you. Remain calm and in control of your own self and what affects you and your children. You can do it. Be a momma bear! Don't let his toothless roar get you. A van can be replaced--yes it's precious and convenient now, but you could go to a place that finances or borrow a little from your folks and sisters and brothers and friends. See what I mean?
Buck up!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Show him you mean it! Maybe have someone who is knowledgable in NCO's (like a court clerk or judge) write him and his lawyer that you can not drop it even if you wanted to! And if they want to be [censored] and demand something you know you can't do, let them be [censored]. They are the ones who will look like idiots in court when you tell the judge: "Your honor, I was willing to settle this entire situation except that I can not drop the NCO because that is a court-ordered enforcement....but these guys insisted on it. I had my lawyer and a court person and even another judge explain to them that I couldn't drop it, but they insisted, and so we are here today wasting your time and wasting the assets the we could have already agreed to divide."
Now, I know most judges are not logical and most do not do what seems APPARENTLY right to do...but I have high hopes that even a divorce judge could see through this as the control-maneuver it is intended to be!!
CJ
