My husband recently had an internet affair with me, but thought I was someone else. We used to play with alias names when we were dating so I (stupid) thought it would be romantic to contact him under alias. He thought I was another woman. He trashed my person and looks terribly and said seductive things and almost set up a meeting with her(me). I confronted him, he said it was all in fun and meant nothing. He had said he would stop but I had caught him in several lies since then, actually looking me in the eye. He claims its instinct. Now I wrongfully snooped into his email and found that he has an office friend who he seems to be close with. She recently gave him a nice gift according to the correspondance, and she and he mail regularly. So now what? If I confront him, I believe he will lie. Its driving a wedge between us. I look at him and know he is not being honest with me. I believe he believes he is doing nothing wrong. So how do I solve this? I have always been honest him, and he has made small lies from the time I met him.Help. Thanks

Are you as persuasive as yourself, as you were when you were the other woman?<P>I don't have any advice, and I don't think the dishonesty can be a good thing at all, if he's lying to you.<P>It sounds like to me that if you are that imaginitive, you and he could have a fun, fulfilling relationship.<P>Please don't take offense, but it does also sounds like you applied your creativity in a non-constructive way. It set up a test for him, and he failed. Would you have passed, though?<P>It sounds like you'd be a lot of fun. Make sure he doesn't lose you

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ilmf:<BR><B><BR>It sounds like you'd be a lot of fun. Make sure he doesn't lose you</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think when people edit their posts, it must mean that they've written something angrily or foolishly and they wished they handn't. Up till now I haven't edited anything I have posted and I still won't.<P>I completely withdraw that statement in spirit. You sound scary. . . not fun.<P>You tricked him with an anonymous game, and he failed/fell for it. (But you've always been honest with him?) And you've got three threads on the very same topic. . . and wanting to delete one? This one? Is it because this one was where you admitted you tricked him?<P>This is the meanest reply I have ever put into a post, and I am sorry for that - for sounding so mean.<P>I didn't come back to this thread to hurt your feelings - only to withdraw my foolish statement.<P>Maybe he's cheating, maybe he's not. . .certainly that's not for me to say. I'm pretty much nobody. I sure hope all that stuff works out for you. Sorry for sounding mean - especially if you are feeling sad already.

I edit my posts because I notice a typo later! <P>personal, IMHO, bad game you started. And you found out why! It's easy to continue a deception to see what we can uncover but never a good idea. Your H talks to others online, and you learned that when led with specific conversation he WILL play a game, just like you were. But it's not "conclusive evidence." <P>Since you started it, maybe you should have finished it WITH a meeting for the confrontation. The way it ended leaves room for H to deny defensively and you don't know if he actually would have met the imaginary person you were. <P>I suggest, instead of putting a wedge in your marriage by being your own OW (!!!), work on your marriage together WITH your H. Talk about things calmly. Provide his EN while you share with him how he can meet yours. Those romantic feelings weren't wrong, but maybe the way chosen was. <P>Laura

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lucks:<BR><B>I edit my posts because I notice a typo later! <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Laura, I feel a little silly - I made my comments a little too quickly. My apologies to everyone who's ever edited a post for making a typo. For one thing, even a tiny typo could change the meaning of a whole thought.<P>In fact, I apologize to anyone who's ever edited a post for ANY noble reason, even if it's to withdraw words that were meant in a moment, but after a change of heart seemed better to withdraw.<P>I should have just edited my own post, instead of making that short-sighted statement. Thanks for teaching me a little something. . . I get a little wiser as time goes, but still have a lot of learning to do.<P>As far as your other point, regarding the topic post - Very well said.<P>Personal, I do hope that things work out for you. I can see where you're in a tough spot emotionally whether your H has cheated or not. That "anonymous" thing was kind of a not-good thing to do, but that doesn't justify a cheater, even so - nothing does.

You know sometimes as adults we are as bad as children. We do things and think about the consequence later. This is something that should have never been started from the get go between you and your spouse. You see at first it was fun, but now your ready to quit the game, and he ain't hearing it. Marriage is something that is so sacred, and you have to careful of doing things even though it seems harmless fun, but can cause trouble later in the process. I don't know, as far as advice goes, Lord knows I'm far from being an expert. I would talk to him though. But wait after you've cooked him a good meal, and had a hot shower or bath waiting for him. Butter him up real good, and then talk to him about how this is really making you feel. The main thing is finding out if his love for you is just as strong as it was the day he proposed to you. And if that's the case, then that's half the battle right there. I do hope everything goes all right for you and your spouse, and when it does ( not IF-think positive ), please find another game to play that's less internetish! (smile)<p>[This message has been edited by JRAA31 (edited October 10, 2000).]

In reading your post, I see that you wanted to rekindle the old fun of using alias with your husband, I don't think it was done in a deceptive way. You therefore must have "approached" him on the internet, he then "responded". Now I don't know what your conversations were about, but it was not nice of him to trash "you". But what did you say to him to get him to respond? Did you "spark" his interest immediately? <P>Now, the office thing worries me, why would this "office friend" give him a gift?? He is a married man. Was it his birthday? I don't know how you can approach him about that, other than to put your cards on the table and admit that you were dishonest when you read his e-mail. My husband has done that to me, but I had nothing to hide, and it still upset me that he would do that. <BR>

Schatz,<P>I don't think Personal has posted here at all for a while. . .<P>I'm not even going to conjecture here about that. That wouldn't be good to do. . .<P>Be well