Had my last MC session last night (for the year) and he says I should give W ONE MORE FINAL CHANCE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> This is the 3rd time he has said this and I don't know if Ican come back from this last d-day. W says it's over with the OM (heard that 7 times before).

What to do?

<small>[ October 31, 2002, 11:03 AM: Message edited by: doogie ]</small>

^^bump^^

Doogie -
I didn't answer the poll. I don't know that this is a yes or no answer. I think you are the only one who truly knows whether you should give her another chance or not. This MC has been your C since the beginning, I assume. I wonder if MC just wants you know that you tried everything you could and the failure of your M is not your fault. Does the C see your WW as well.

I wish I had a better answer for you or that there was a yes or no answer.

Hang in there and I wish you luck in this hard decision.

Formerly - Is this a Bad Dream

That's a hard poll question, Doggie. Let me say this as the person on the side of asking for another chance and the person saying it won't happen again I can assure you that each time it is harder to say those words. I would hope you would give her a chance, but I don't know what you have gone through or what steps she is willing to talk to change. I'd ask that you not turn a blind eye to the areas she is changing and that you show some support. Pray through it, polls are for magazines, this affects your life and the life of your family.

jonah-

I guess the basic question is this:

Would you give your spouse eight chances to break contact with OP when the spouse has lied and deceived you each time?

doogie,

I have given my W that chance everyday for the last 348 days (since D-Day) and counting. She works with OM and could have quite her job. But things are changing because I'm working on myself (Plan A) and letting God work on her (Plan G) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And I won't back away from the promise I made to her (for better or for worse).

But this isn't about me or jonah. It's about you and your W. You just need to decide how much your promises meant to you and her. Is she worth it to you?

S&C

steadfast-

Without sounding cynical, it appears you had only 1 d-day compared to my SEVEN. If your W looked you in the eye (even during MC) and lied about no contact only to find out days later that she indeed had contact, how many times would you put up with this. It also goes both ways. How much respect does she have for US when she does this??

Doogie,

My W has had 4 A's in the past 19 years.

You don't sound cynical. I almost put that info down in my post. Serve me right for not listening to God.

She told me that she did her resume. She told me she told OM it was over and she was looking for another job. She quit MCing because she said she had nothing more to say to MC. She knows I struggle everyday she goes into work to with OM (he sits 8 feet away in the office they share).

WS's have no resect for us while thay are in the fog. And they won't until they see that we are more desirable than OP.

How far are you willing to go to help her out of the fog? Is it safe enough for her to come out of the fog and heal? Until you're safe for her she's going to see OM as the safe place to be. If you can't handle what you will go through. Then don't do it an 8th time. Just don't let a poll, or me for that matter, make your choice for you. Just make sure you really feel like you've done everything possible. Feel good about your choice and come out of all this a better person.

Good luck my prayers are with you.

S&C

Doogie -
Something you said in one of your posts struck me. My XH sat and lied in our MC session that he wasn't seeing the OW and told me and MC that he would tell me when he did have contact with her. This was also the session that I told him that if the problem is the OW and he expects to work on our M I don't understand why he has continue contact with her. Bold face lie that he was not seeing her.

The next session he told MC that he didn't think that we should have Cing together because I came to session ready to pounce. There was a lot of fear and anixety in those sessions and he was soooo deep in the fog that he started believing his own lies.

I only had one D-Day so I can't tell you how I would have felt if there would have been multiple D-Days. I don't think I would have lasted 1/2 as long as you have.

Like I said you need to do what is best for you. If you don't think you can handle another D-Day then don't do it. Maybe you WW needs to see that you mean business this time and it will scare her back. I don't know what to tell you.

Doogie -- I have been and am exactly where you are. My D-day was also 9-02 and my WS has asked for MORE than seven chances, in fact while I used to keep track, I am not even sure how many times I have taken him back, only to have him continue the contact. He is now again asking for another chance. I am completely terrified. But this time I am asking for a detailed PLAN on how he intends to keep his promises and get our marriage back. I am going to watch very carefully and trust only in response to the progress I can verify. I can't just hand him my heart again and "hope" for the best. If you are seeing a MC, perhaps they can help you with this. If your wife really wanted OM she'd have gotten a divorce along time ago -- at least that's what I tell myself.

Best of luck, it sure is a hard decision to make. Sometimes it's easier knowing that other people are in the same boat.