I had a 42 yo cousin die this morning. I was very close to him and his family but my kids only saw them at family functions. Earlier this year I took my older two to a funeral (12 & 10 at the time) and I think it would be appropiate to take my 7yo to this one as well.

My youngest has been kept abreat of the situation and she has been praying for him and his family. I think that it would be good to show her how a family mourns together, bring closure to her prayers, and add to that the fact that she's mad that I didn't take her to the other funeral.

All that being said, my X, disagrees but in the same breathe says that it's your weekend you decide. I pointed out to her that I wouldn't of called her if I didn't want her to have some input in the situation.

Just curious what your thoughts are??????

Bill,

First I want you to know how sorry I am for your loss and that I did say some prayers for your cousin today.

Regarding the children and funerals, I believe that a while back - either here on on GQII there was an entire thread about this issue - if my memory serves me correctly, you may want to do a search to see hwat others have said because if I remember, the thoughts were pretty much split both ways.

I think that several factors have to be considered in any case - the age of the child, and the relationship of the child with the deceased person. At least in the Catholic faith, funerals are a time for morning, but also a time for hope and joy. It brings closure to us here still on earth, but reminds us that our friend is now happy with God in heaven.

With that said, I think that a funeral is certainly appropriate for a 7 year old. It lets them grieve and move on too. Sometimes we forget that children have those feelings too. And if your 7 year old has been praying for your cousin and expresses a desire to give some final goodbyes, then I think that this would be a beneficial and healing experience for her. And it would certainly be a wonderful opportunity for you and she to talk about her feelings about a whole host of related issues too.

So, those are my thoughts..... K

Billy,

My opinion on kids and funerals, for what it's worth, revolves around the relationship between parent and child. You, my dear friend, are a great Dad. You are open and willing to discuss anything with your children that concerns them, good or bad, happy or sad. Your girls know you are there for them and that if they have any questions they can easily get an answer.

Even at 7, your youngest knows that she can come to you and she also has her older sisters to turn to for support if necessary. Death is a part of life and at 7, she may not understand completely the why's but she also will not understand why you would exclude her from participating in the funeral process. My opinions of funerals changed a few years back when my 2nd cousin died in his mid 40's from Melenoma. His funeral was a celebration of his life, not a mourning of his death. When I approach funerals with this attitude, it truly helps soothe the pain of my loss.

On the other hand, if the type of relationship you have with your girls did not exist or a person quite simply didn't want to deal with the possible hard "why do bad things happen to good people" questions, then I wouldn't be so open to the idea of young children at funerals.

I guess it comes down to how willing the parent is to deal with the inevitable emotional consequences of combining inquisitive minds and death. Children want answers and sometimes answers just aren't possible. However, with love, openness, and support, hard life lessons can be learned and accepted.

I think IMHO, you've equipped your girls with the tools to deal with emotional situations and if not, you at least provide them with a solid foundation and unconditionally loving and supportive sounding board for unresolved issues.

Quite frankly, I'm envious...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Much luv and again, I'm sorry for your loss.

Lynn

My opinon on kids and funerals is, there is nothing wrong with it. It is a real part of life. One that cannot be escaped

I whole-heartedly feel that it is appropriate to take all 3 girls. My children were about 5 and 7 when their great-grandmother died. They went to the funeral. They knew her. They had respect and love for her. It was appropriate. And if you cry, it's ok. You were pretty close to this man and they will sense your loss and sadness. Go and mourn and rejoice together.

In my opinion, the only thing that is worse than taking young kids to funerals is to take them to wakes, where they actually have to look at the dead body. The wake scene from the movie "The 3 faces of Eve" is still indelibly etched in my mind.

When my nephew died, not even my sister suggested taking my minor children to the funeral. It would have been horrible for them.