Me and my ex have been seperated for 11months, I know I love him, but he is very annoying to me at times and more than anything I just can't stand that. and I also feel I need some freedom at this time in my life, I am only 21, and this nov. we've been married for 4 years, I don't know if I should go home and put up with the stupid things that annoy me, and have my family or if I should stay being single. I don't want him to feel as if I am messing with his head. Anyone have any advise?

If you love him and any part of you wants to make it work, then give it a go. I suggest filling out the Emotional Needs (EN) & Love Busters (LB) Questionaires. See if you can get your H to do the same. That will help you find out what each of you needs and what each of you can't live with.

But there is more too it, I am also inlove with someone else, but that will never work, is it fair to my husband that he take second place in my heart? when I come first in his.

Why are you holding on to someone when "IT WILL NEVER WORK????"""


You are cheating yourself.
It is always better to associate yourself with someone who loves you unconditionally than to associate yourself with those who do not.

Why would you want to put your marriage on hold to find out if this someone else is or is not going to live up to what you think you may need at this point?

If your husband honestly loves you, and you sit down together and talk about the issues at hand, there is hope. This other person seems to be an excuse to try.

I'm not holding on, but love doesn't just go away over night. It takes time. and it is never good to leave a situation with things unsaid, and its never good to leave under bad terms if there is a way to leave on good terms.

hohon,

My marriage had nothing to do with the OM, He came after we had been seperated. I would never put my marriage on hold for anyone. and I know that the OM would never live up to what I want.

I'm not saying that the OM was what you are putting your marriage on hold for. You seem to have some concerns as to weather you truely want to go home. And by saying that you are now seeing someone that will never be what you are wanting or needing, you are using this as an excuse not to go home.

I am on the other side. I spent 6 months seperated from my H this year. He recently moved home, but why I have no idea. He told me he doesn't have feelings (romantic anyway) for me. He doesn't trust my movtives on why I wish him to be home. So I can see the point of your H. It's so hard to love someone that isn't sure they wish to be with you. If you have any feelings for this M, then why not try working on saving the marriage? The Love Busters form will help you define the habbits that you can not live with, and what you wish to change. Emotional needs form will help you and your H understand what you as a person need from each other. I didn't say it would be easy. But if it's worth saving, it's worth the work.

hohon

I agree with you 100% I am no longer seeing the OM he went back to his ex wife, I really hope that they can work things out as well. I know I could be with my H but I am not sure if I would be as happy as I want to be, and I always have that thought that I could be happier elsewhere. I just don't want to string him along or mess with his head. but at the same time I can not seem to make my decision and then stick with it.

Speaking as that person in your H shoes.... Why not give it that try? Why not do all that you can b4 you walk away for good? Why not .... guilt or wishful seconds are too hard to live with. If you and H have done everything that you could possibly do to save the marriage, and it still doesn't seem that you are happy, well that ending things on the best terms possible will be so much easier. Messing w/ his head. Well if you are honest and tell him, I have some reservation that things might not work, and I want to take things slow, and rebuild what we have lost b4 jumping back in heart first. Then he will respect your honesty. He will know that you have concerns, and hurting him is that last thing you want to do. HONESTY is a great thing, that we all to often forget about. I think you'll be doing both of you a great thing, if you give yourself the chance to try. Nothing is guaranteed, and it is a risk..... but is it worth taking?????

my point is that I did really try for 2 years, I can't make myself love him the way he loves me, is it fair to him to be second in my heart. And I have doubts that I will ever really love someone the way he loves me, should I settel and should I let him settel?

Krystal you know You will always be first in my heart...I know that we have had a bad past, but its time to put that behind us and build. I know that Im not first in your heart...thats my fault. I should of been there when i was suppose to be for you. I love you no matter what decision you make. I love you for you and you are not messing with my head. Id be willing to do anything to try to work this out. I Love You