Yesterday I posted that my wh was leaving me. Giving up our 25 year marriage for an emotional affair.
I got exactly one response. My heart was breaking and there was no one else out there that could give me advice, encouragement or anything.
I notice there are certain people that get a lot of responses and I understand that. But what do newcomers have to do to get help?????

I'm sorry you didn't receive many responses. Don't take it personally. Some people have time to answer and others don't. I typically don't respond when I'm unfamiliar with an issue, such as adultry. Try a few different boards and see if your responses differ.
This board has been a great source of strength for me through my crisis period, and I hope it will be for you.
Please read all you can on this site, not just the discussion boards, so that you understand the concepts. Many of your questions may already be answered.
Good Luck.

I used to feel the same way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
But you just keep posting and you will get responses. What steps have you taken to deal with
EA? What changes has plan A made in you? You are in plan A right? Does your H see any changes?

Rus

PS.
Don't give up. ok?

I'm probably not the right person either...although I certainly feel your pain with the adultery! BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. All I can tell you is...get antidepressants immediately and then hang on and weather the storm. My X drug me through a couple of affairs for three years...the pain does diminish! I know all about the humiliation, the misery...build yourself now. I did...and I can prove now that what goes over comes back under. I'm happier without him now. My X was so proud...I wonder if he's confused now that he's alienated himself from the community. I got custody...of everybody! He and his "trophy" don't stick their heads out from under a rock without bumping into one of our friends (his "former" friends) and having to suffer their disapproval. And I understand now that it isn't working out...gee, real life has a way of seeping into even the best fantasies!

MY favorite fantasy is that he asks to come home and I bash him in the head with a two-by-four.

Oops..that isn't very "plan a" or "plan b", but all I can say is I've been where you are...and you will be where I am!

Thank you for responding.
Moving4ward -I have been in Plan A since May - I must say not a great one. H is still working w/ow and it was driving me absolutely crazy - I have ready everything on this site at least twice. Have been trying to incorporate everything I can into my marriage but wh says he can't change his heart. We did talk for almost 3 hours last night- will wait until after the holidays to decide anything - I am going to Plan A my butt off and not lb. If that doesn't work knowing what I do from reading here lets me know I will be ok. I am going to be the best person I can.
Newly - I have posted to different boards - I had one topic that did get a few responses but I really felt this was important. The board has helped me - ready about other people surviving - whether they saved their marriage or not - has really been helpful. But yesterday was really awful for me and I needed more.

The New Me -
Your response made me laugh - haven't done that in a while. I most definately understand the 2x4 thing - mines fantasy is usually with a baseball bat though.
I have been so hurt through this - it's helpful to hear from other people that have gone through the same thing and came out better than ever. We have been married 25 years - dating for almost 30 - I have been with him since I was 14 and he's all I've ever known - now that the kids are grown and we should have a great life he wants to throw me over for a 31 year old. She's closer to my son's age then my husbands. I guess that shouldn't make any difference but it seems too.
Anyway thanks for the response!

Heck yes it matters! My STBX's new girlfriend was 10 when we were married! Only once in a blue moon will there be anything real there...mostly its the old classic midlife crisis. But she won't make him any younger...X's is just spending his money. He works alot of overtime these days...and I'm just going to sit back and enjoy watching him figure it out!

TTHO

Not sure how you do it, but you may want to put a thread on the GQII or JFO board rather than on the Divcorce/Divorcing section. This may give you some more replies.

I'm sorry I don't really have any specific advice to give you in your situation, but there are plenty of wise people on these board who will be able to come along and help you.

Lisa

Thanks again - yep - it's pretty hard to deal with when the ow was 6 years old when we got married. Heck she could have been our flower girl. She is just 6 years older then my daughter, and 9 years older then my oldest son but 16 years younger than my wh. Of course I'm sure my biggest issue is that she's 11 years younger than me. Maybe that's what bothers me the most. My wh says it has nothing to do with age or weight - I said sure that's why you fell in love with an overweight middle aged women. I don't think he appreciated that. Too bad.
I hope it's a mlc for him but if not I will be ok. It's just real hard to stop loving someone you've loved for almost 30 years.

Lisa in London,
Thanks for your advice. I have posted on GQII, OT, Just Found Out and just about all of the other boards. I had just one that I got more than 5 or 6 responses. But I won't give up. I'll keep trying and hopefully will get more help.