Me and my husband have had a really rough marriage. Lots of outside stress. We married 10 1/2 yrs ago. I already had a 18 month old D when we met, and she was 2 1/2 when we married. I had tons of female issues, and many many surgeries, before, and during our marriage. After just being married 3 1/5 months I had another. The dr's told us both that another child should be considered at this point if that was our wish. Well neither of us said no, or yes.. but didn't do much to prevent it either. And we did become pregnant. It was a rocky 9 months w/ 7 in bed. H worked 1 1/2 jobs to make ends meet. There were many hospital nights along the way. Finally only 3 wks early we delivered a S. This was 2 days b4 our 1 yr ann. The health issues didn't stop there. S had tons of medical problems w/ lungs, and breathing. I continued to have problems as well. I had full hysteractomy at 23. S after 2 1/2 years is finally healthy and doing fine. I had the last surgery about 7 1/2 yrs ago. But the added hormone issues life has been a roller coaster for me. H lost his father 7 yrs ago as well. He has had a motorcycle injury, and out of work for some time during all of this too. Because we pulled so far away from each other, and H basically was in a form of depression he developed a HUGE spending habit. Over the last 2 yrs prior to seperation he has spent 25 - 30K. I finally had enough of the lies, and spending etc.. and told him to get out. He did, and I filed for leg. sep. So that we could have time to deal with the issues at hand. H didn't change in that first 2 months he spent upward in the 10K range. So now all credit is maxed including a couple new cards he got after moving out. Things are straped from pay check to pay check.. He had to down size his truck to a car. He filed a response for a Divorce. We were ordered into couseling. And we have been attending since July. Seemed to be going good at 1st. he decided to pull the D request. And he moved home in Sept. Then I felt the pull going backwards insted of frwd. I told him how I felt, but it didn't seem to help. Resently he said I don't have feelings for you. I don't trust your motives on wanting me back. He thinks it's because I needed him to maintain a roof over my head. We have done several of the worksheets with couseling. I have read the His Needs Her Needs book. We talk more about my feelings, but not his. I have made positive changes in my life and try to meet his needs. However none of that seemed to make a difference. I was getting more and more frustrated with this. In one of my ind. sessions I told the counselor how I felt. She suggested I do this newer form of therapy. EMDR for the PTSD I seem to be carrying from my childhood w/ m Mother. So I attended the 1st session last week. That therapist didn't think I needed it. She just feels there is so much happened in our marriage we have to deal with. She said she can see where I have made the efforts, but doesn't understand why he doesn't trust me. Out Marriage counselor asked H, and he said don't know. So she told him nothing I did good or bad would make a difference until he figured out what it was he wanted.

I am so frustrated I could scream. The coldness, the unknowing what to do or why not to do something. He is there, and I feel I am making all the efforts since he can't seem to get past the fact that I told him to leave. It's like this is my punshment. I'll be here to take care of you and the kids, but you can't have me. That isn't what I want. Yet as frustrating as this is, if I tell him your not even trying so why be here.. and he leaves he has treated that he will never be back. So what do I do???? I need someone to help me understand what he is going through. And how I can work on me, with out losing my mind dealing w/ him!!