Well, I suppose I need to face the fact that I have to come to the divorced/divorcing board. I am upset that my H of 11 years has decided that all of our history is worth throwing away, but he is insistent that he loves the OW. I see things about her that he doesn't, and so do others, but I suppose she has been meeting his EN for a LONG time, and now he's caught.
What do I do? Do I just go along with his wishes and politely agree to divorce? We've already discussed money/custody/child support/ etc. I've even bought another home closer to my family (grandparents gave me some land and I'm putting a mobile home on it for now). I'm just so devastated that this is happening. The talk at his work is that most people think he's stupid for doing this and can see right through her. Also, most think she'll never leave her H for him. Anyway, how do you move on? I am wavering between being excited about living near family, to being devastated for the reason that I'm doing it.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Kimmy,
I'm sorry that you have found yourself coming to these boards... but in the circumstance that your in... this is a good place to be.
I wish I could give you some insight as to what goes through a WS's mind. What motivates them to do the things that they do, and to think the way that they think while they are involved in an "A".
There are many wise people here that can probably elaborate on what goes through a WS's mind... I can only speculate, which I don't feel qualified enough at this stage to do.
I went through the same feelings as you are feeling right now. I wasn't sure if I was going to get through it, but for the most part, I did.
There are good days and bad days that you will be facing while your trying to move forward.
Try to find a Divorce Care group, or a good Church group that you can communicate what your going through.
Are you seeing a "IC"? If not, I would look into getting some counseling.
For me, I did all of the above plus I prayed to God many times a day for direction and wisdom to just get me through the day.
We are all here for you as well... the people here are a Godsend.
My prayers are with you.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Thanks for your input Wallace. I know I am not the only one to go through this, and usually what awaits us, prayerfully, is far better than we can imagine. I've been praying faithfully for the Lord to lead me. That is why I think doors are opening for me. The OW has a "history" behind her, and it is literally killing me to think he is telling her he loves her. She doesn't deserve his love. I'm convinced she chased him from the beginning and played the game very well. How do you develop the patience in waiting this out? I, unknowingly, did a plan A for the past 2 years. I strived to meet his needs, just because I was determimed to make this work. I was going off of advice from a family member (of his, actually), and decided to trust him even though I did not like the friendship he had with this woman. That made it hurt double when I found out this summer it turned into a PA. (Now I realize the EA had been going on for a long time).
My love bank is empty. He accused me of having an "attitude" Sunday when he brought the boys to me. I can't help but think how he could accuse me of that. I mean, how am I supposed to act when I"ve opened my heart to him over and over, still wanting this to work, and he refuses me.
Just very sad.

Stay strong for your boys. I have a little boy too, age four. My stbxh had an affair also starting in 11/00 and it continued until this summer. Was PA and EA the whole time. I also did about six months of a good plan A. Been in modified plan B and harsh B since this fall. We have been filed for divorce over a year now.

Funny thing is, once the reality of life settles in a bit more, she won't be the fantasy. Or she will be mad that he hasn't divorced sooner, as my stbx's Ow, ms. monkeyho did. She LEFT HIM this summer, as far as I know. And he although without his beloved and former soul mate, ms. monkey, is still heavily in the fog.

I believe like all A's they are dooomed for failure. She is kidding herself and so is he. But us hanging around for years waiting for them to straighten up isn't gonna help us either. I waited and waited. Even told him and family I would stop D proceedings at any time if he repented, came around and would adhere to MB principles. Now, I don't even be lieve he is the same man I met and married. He's a total stranger. I don't miss that stranger. And I am liking being single all the more now. He is so lost it is painful. But we have to be responsible for us and for our children. When our WS's act l ike spoiled children, how can we expect them to be responsible parents or expect anything truthful or rational from them? Treat him accordingly.

I am saying to you to let him know what it would take to reconcile with you, but in the meanwhile don't you hold your breath waiting. Either they come out of the fog or they do not. I hurt sometimes but am doing loads better knowing I don't have to carry his burdens anymore.