I met with my Attorney on Wednesday and she filed a counterclaim to my stbx answer to the petition. Last night, my stbx out of the blue told me that we should just meet amicable at the table and not go the route I am going. My Attorney disagreed and said this was the way to go (meaning that we were going to have a custody battle for our son). I am the type of person who people walk all over and I am afraid if I just try to settle amicably, I will get screwed. When I told my stbx my feelings about sitting down and discussing it without getting the Attorneys involved he said "you are in for the fight of your life and I hope that your parents are ready to spend a lot of money".

My parents think that he is playing mind games with me. This morning my stbx was very hostile towards me because of our discussion last night. My feeling is that he is upset because he is not getting his way.

Do you think I am doing the right thing or should I cave in and try to settle this without involving the Attorneys?

I really don't know what to do. I'm scared because this is all new to me and I don't want to make any mistakes that will affect my son. I know that my relationship with my stbx is beyond repair now.

You are like me - DO NOT LISTEN TO H - LISTEN TO ATTORNEY.

Yes, he is mad because he CANNOT CONTROL YOU when you go through the attorney.

You will save yourself years of grief and heartache by laying down the law now.

I've just been there and done that and everytime I fall for those lines by my ex I get scr*wed by him.

STAY STRONG! K

It's called *emotional blackmail*. You were bound to this man...because you didn't trust yourself. It's simple for him to keep self-doubt alive in this. *He* knows best, and what's more, he is pretty damn sure he knows what's best for everyone. It is especially hard to believe that your own thoughts are valid when you have this person you loved tell you how crazy, wrong and horrible you are...

WE ARE YOUR SUPPORT. You are NOT wrong..you are NOT crazy. Remember, you have someone else to keep in focus here, and it ain't that husband of yours...it's that precious little one who deserves to have someone on his side.

My ex was a master manipulator. He lived in the house after we physically separated for over a year...until the courts ordered him out. He would use petty punishments meant to strip me of my dignity and power. He too said things like, "I hope your family has enough money cause now you asked for the fight of your life!" It was meant to reduce me to this little bad child to learn a lesson....because he was LOSING CONTROL.

It takes a heck of a lot emotional and mental energy to convince ourselves that we ARE doing the right thing. No matter how confused and scared you are...reach out for the support that you need. Remember to listen to that little voice inside of you....for thats what leads you toward wisdome. That little voice is what guards your integrity...and if you need the assistance of a lawyer...supportive family..then do it!

READ.....go to classes for single parents....reach out and get the support that you need so that you don't have these smoldering feelings from this guy. Remember...he's hoping that you will stuff all those feelings and come *around* to seeing his way. He's operating from demands...and his wanting to show that he is right. His threats are just that...... it means nothing. He doesn't have anything to float his boat on. Get educated on the rights that YOU have and that your CHILD has. Don't wait for your ex to calm down and start a rational conversation with you...cause I'm telling you he is unlikely to come around and kiss and make up. HE'S IN A FOG OF HIS OWN MAKING. Don't follow behind him in the myst ok????

{{{{{{{{{huge huges}}}}}}}}}}}}}

If your stbx can sit down and work it out without an attorney then it can be done with attornies with a low budget and little hassel. So that's not an excuse for the anger.

Keep your attorney and let him/her handle it. There does not have to be a fight if you stbx does not want one.

Baby,

First off Huge <<<<HUG>>>>. You need it

Second, I think everyone is right. My take on it is that he is trying to control you. If he had any real basis for what he is trying to do,he would not want to get attorneys uninvolved because he could win in court. Since he was probably told the best thing for him is to get you to agree outside of court. He thinks he can manipulate you, he cannot manipulate your attorney. He is angry because you did not agree to doing things his way. That is a typical response from a manipulative type.

Stay strong, follow your attorneys advice and keep coming here for support. We are here for you.

As my trip to Las Vegas approaches, I am getting paranoid that when I return my stbx and his mother will refuse to bring the baby home. My stbx tells me that he will probably sleep at our house and go to his mother's during the day. I am confused about whether to go at all or take him with me. I really want to go and could use three days to re-energize myself. My stbx just came back from a three day trip out of State without me or the baby and I was home with the baby the entire time and was there with the baby when he came back. Are there repercussions if I come back and find that he took off with the baby? It would be in his best interest not to do that right?

Funny coincidence.
I had a trip to Las Vegas booked for February, 2002 for a getaway. But then things got bad, and people began telling me that it might look like abandonment if I left the girls with him. So I canceled the trip.
If you do go, let your lawyer know in advance, and ask for his/her advice. Stress that you are concerned that he will consider it abandonment.
Good Luck.

Don't go to Vegas until you talk to attorney. I strongly suspect that stbx could use this to try and keep S. I know, he went on a vacation too, but this is not about who got to do what. Once he has possession of S, you might have a harder fight getting him back.

Personally, if it was me, I would not risk it. Especially since your stbx and MIL are very manipulative and controlling. Is there a friend you can leave baby with? Then you know you will get him back.

Talk to attorney.