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My husband and I separated recently and were very near a divorce, 2 weeks within the court date to be exact. There was no infidelity in our marriage, but alot of other problems. In reconciling, one of the conditions my husband had, was that I put the house in his name (it was in both of ours). At first I was in agreement, I wanted to prove to him that I was serious about reconciling. Now it bothers me. It bothers me because, we'd never have had this house had it not been for me. And, we earn the same, and I paid as much as he did, if not more in the past 2 1/2 years. He said somewhere in the future he'd put it back in my name. I have not moved back home yet, as we are still working on some issues. What are your feelings about this?
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Joined: Aug 2000
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I strongly disagree, is he testing your loyalty? Is he setting himself up in case this doesn't work so he 'wins'. Your relationship is not about things. It's about committment. It would be fairer to sell the house outright, split the proceeds, let him buy a new one and invite you to share your NEW life with him. That's sacrifice on BOTH parts. Be careful.
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Joined: Jun 2000
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I don't have anything helpful to say. . .<BR>Sorry.<P>After seeing your other posts that I was able to relate so well to, I had to check and see what you'd written here.<P>I think, that for me it never got that far along. It's been about six years now since I really started trying very, very hard to fix things. It got downright awful, before it began to take a turn for the better, probably really quite two years ago. Still working on it here.<P>Gosh. . . none of this seems very encouraging, and that's what I had really hoped to do, in my reply here. No words of wisdom from me, but I do hope that things work out for you.
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Joined: Sep 2000
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Thanks ILMF, yes things got really bad, and I've been working really hard at doing all the right things, sometimes I just feel like giving up though. Yesterday I got the old "accusing" smirk because the other day I said I was returning some tennis shoes on my way home, I didn't because I was really tired, last night he noticed the tennis shoes in the car and made this nasty accusing remark!!! As if I'd done something "else" during that 15 minute period that he didn't see me. <P>You mentioned you lived in Germany, where? I was born in "K-town", lived in Karlsruhe and Heidelberg.
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Joined: Jun 2000
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Shatz,<P>I lived in Southwest Germany, in and around Bitburg from 1987 to 1991. First in Wißmannsdorf, then Olk (north of Trier, a town we loved to visit on Saturdays), then finally in Bitburg proper before we returned to the US.<P>We loved living there for a while. I'd like to go back. . . at least for a little while.<P>Anyway, I do honestly hope that everything will come together for you. It's an awful feeling, (one of a whole host of awful feelings, I'll warrant).<P>Be encouraged!!!
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Schatz,<P>I meant, it's an awful feeling, to be discouraged at all. . . in this case, by being with someone who's lack of self-confidence is enough to cause distrust.<P>It looked funny when I read it back. . but I figured you'd have known what I meant even if I hadn't come back to expound on it.<P>The Be Encouraged part, speaks for itself. I'm not smart enough to offer wisdom or answers, just encouragement if I can.
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Joined: Sep 2000
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Good news, we had a long talk Saturday, I told him I can no longer live with his emotional abuse, I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than continue living with this abuse. He's always so concerned about me eating (I have lost alot of weight due to all this), I told him if he were half as concerned about my emotional well being as he was about me eating, I'd be doing just fine. Well, I think the lights went on and he has promised to work at himself more. It won't happen overnight, but perhaps he finally "sees" what he's been doing.
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Schatz:<BR><B>In reconciling, one of the conditions my husband had, was that I put the house in his name (it was in both of ours). At first I was in agreement, I wanted to prove to him that I was serious about reconciling.)</B><P>What an odd way for him to choose to prove you are serious. <P>I sorry, but I can't put any other motivation on him other than to bully a strategic advantage in any future divorce action. I'm not an attorney, but it would seem to me that you would have to have received consideration in return for giving up your rights to such a substantial asset.<P>I don't know about divorce law in your state, but having the house usually is a huge advantage in any subsequent fight over assets.<P>If I were you I would get some legal advice. <P>
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DON'T DO IT. His lawyer has told him something that is making him do this. That reconcilation "condition" is about nothing but financial gain. Unless you held it over he head a lot, or there's a rational explanation for it, do not do it. That makes me think he doesn't even want to reconcile, but is feigning that to get something monetary that he wants.
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I'm sorry that it's gotten so bad like that.<P>I agree with the others. . . Surely there's not any good reason why he would want you to put the house solely in his name.<P>Better not do that. . .<P>God bless
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It sounds as though he is using your willingness to work out your problems to his advantage. There is no reason to put the house in his name, if he wants to see how serious you are about reconciling, show him in other ways but do not jeopardize the home you worked so hard for.
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<small>[ January 27, 2005, 04:38 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>
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