I'm a little scared about my latest "feelings" and developments. For about a week or so, I've been feeling (after 2 months of separation) that maybe being single isn't such a bad thing after all. As it says in my signature, my H was my first date at age 15, and we married when I was 20. He's had an EA for 2 years with a coworker which turned into a PA this summer. He doesn't want to work things out at all, and, although will provide for the kids, has pretty much decided he wants his way out. He is filing for divorce, and I have been devastated. However, over the past week, I've started to enjoy being in the single life (although I'm not "technically" single yet). I've gone to the beach on the spur of the moment (we live 4 hours away from the Gulf Coast in the south), I've gone shopping without worrying about spending too much money (H always questioned me about spending money--had to justify all to him), and I've gone out (just a trip to McDonald's in a town 40 minutes away and talking a lot in the car) with a male friend this past weekend that went to high school with us. (he's single). Although I'm not looking for a relationship with anyone, it surely was nice to have someone interested in ME . It was nice to have a man tell me to be sure I locked my doors at night, and tell me how stupid my H is for doing this.

I'm a little scared, though, that I'm going to regret something if I enjoy this too much--but now I'm wondering, maybe H is right? Maybe we should be on our own? I still love him, no question, but I don't want to go back to the way I was treated for the past 2 years. We never went anywhere together (although he'd go with the OW places), and we never truly talked about things. Scary that I'm thinking that maybe a D is not such a bad thing after all.....I mean, he's forcing me into this single life, and maybe I will enjoy it? I've never truly been single because we were together from the time I was 15.

Any thoughts on this??? I do want my marriage, but I want a GOOD marriage.