I'm a classic letter five, my first marriage ended twenty two years ago following infidelity. I found out about the affair when our youngest son was seven years old, and nobody knows for sure who the genetic father is.<P>Under the laws of our state, it doesn't matter who the sperm donor is, he is legally my son. He was never told the truth, and for the first twenty eight years of his life that worked fine. Then we found out that he was slowly dying of an incurable ailment. In the process of heart to heart sharing with his mother, she got around to telling him she didn't know for sure who his father is. To put it mildly, it threw him for a loop.<P>My son came to me and asked me to go with him for blood and DNA tests to establish paternity. I have firmly refused. If he is going to die, he needs his dad, not some stranger. There is a selfish side too, I don't want to take a chance on having someone tell me he is not my son. I can't believe how much this still hurts, after twenty years, I'm sitting her crying as I type this message. Welcome your thoughts.<BR>

Bumperii<BR> I'm not sure if you would think it's the same thing but pretend you were in his shoes.<BR>My wife is adopted and has been searching for her biological mother for along time. It's not that she doesn't know who her mom and dad and does not love them any less. But she does have a natural curiosity to who her biological mother is. Myself and her adoptive parents are very supportive of what she wants only because we don't know the feeling of not knowing who gave birth to us. If you change your mind and go for the test and it comes back that you are not the biological father don't think of it as you not being the father because you raised him. Your not only a father but a dad as well. I feel that there is a differance. Anyone can father a child but it take a real man with alot of love to be a dad. It does not mean that the two of you aren't family. Love is what family is not genetics. You don't have to be biologicly conected to be father and son. You love eachother and that's all that matters. Good luck with what ever discision you make.

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 04:41 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Depressed H and Hanora,<P>Thank you for your comeback. I was hoping for someone to respond who would see things from a different angle. Both of you suggested points well taken that I totally missed. If my son asks a second time, the things you said really do need to be weighed carefully. Thanks again.