I need y'all's help.<P>My inlaws are coming to visit this week. They live in Scotland and we only see them about twice a year (which is fine with me) Usually what they do is get here, stay with us a few days and then go drive around seeing the sites and looking for outlet malls to shop in until a few days before they are due to go home. Then they come back to stay with us until they leave.<P>This visit is a little different because my stepson is coming to visit at the same time. He has not seen his grandmother in almost 18 months and his grandfather even longer than that. He is very excited about seeing his grandparents even tho they have hardly any relationship at all. His grandmother sends him postcards and expects letters in return (he has a learning disability which makes it difficult for him to write so he hates writing letters) His grandfather isn't interested in having a relationship with his own sons much less his grandson. <P>So here is my dilemma...I have attempted in as polite a way as possible to tell my MIL that my SS really wants a relationship with her and she needs to get off her behind and do something about it. I recieved a wishywashy response that made me think that her 'I want to have a relationship with him' is really just because it's expected of grandmothers, not because she really wants one. <P>I know when my SS gets here and his grandparents basically say Hi nice to see you, you sure have grown a lot, we'll see you in a week, bye..my SS is going to be very upset about their apparent lack of caring. My husband is not happy about it but is unwilling to step up to the plate.<P>I feel like *somebody* needs to stand up for my SS and so far I seem like the only person willing to do it. Should I keep my mouth shut or wade in and get in their face? <P>Please help...they get here on Thursday and my SS gets here on Saturday so we have a couple of days before he gets here to talk about it. What should I do?<P>Jodi

Jodi,<P>You can't force a relationship between your in-laws and your SS. Yes this may be painful for your SS to experience and painful for you to watch. Sooner or later your SS will realize that your in-laws are too self-absorbed to care about others and he will learn not to expect much if anything from them. That will be the in-laws loss and an important lesson learned by your SS. <P>The only thing you can do is try to lower your SS expectations without talking badly about your in-laws. Another option might be to try to arrange a family activity that you all can take part in that would be of particular interest to your in-laws. I wouldn't say anything about this activity to your SS because given your in-laws track record they may back out at the last minute. If they do back out, go without them. Lavish attention on your SS so he will be all excited about the fun that the in-laws missed.<P>Bottom line is if your in-laws are selfish people your won't change them. You need to be there to help your SS manage his expectations and handle his disappointments.<P>Soory this isn't cheerier.<P>Mud