It's been 7 years since their dad moved out. They were only 4 and 2.

And this man hasn't learned a thing in all that time.

Last night he lost his temper. I have never seen him be so verbally or emotionally abusive toward one of them. I don't even want to know how he treats them when I am not there.

He yelled and yelled at our son. After he threw his car keys at the child for not looking up when his name was called. And he ranted and raved.

I picked up the keys and wouldn't give them back when he asked until I asked him if his behavior was something he would like to see his son do and if he thought that was appropriate behavior. So he yelled at the child some more.

We were out on the porch at this time.

My d brought the cordless phone to me because someone called. She looked upset. I told the person, without knowing who it was, to call back and I hung up on them. The thought went through my mind that this was the time to call the police but I decided doofus would be gone before they could get there. So I didn't.

Today I think I made the wrong choice.

The dad's mom called later and d talked to her. Then I talked to her and she asked me what had happened. I told her. And she made pitiful excuses like he's under a lot of pressure. Like I haven't had pressure since the schmuck walked out. So I told her some of the lovely stories about him. And she excused them away because I knew how to push his buttons. I'm not good at that stuff. So...

I feel so sorry for my children.

We are definitely moving toward me calling the police on him.

And, yes, one day, I think he will hit one of us. Then I go for broke. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ November 07, 2002, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: cinderella ]</small>

I'm on a first name basis with my local police.
And I don't feel bad about it. In fact, I feel safer that they know the situation, and have witnessed his anger. They've even been helpful in finding out info about H's family.
My H hasn't hit me, but the potential is strong and one day, he will just blow. One day, he looked like he'd run me over with the car.
I lock my bedroom door every night, just so I may have time to call the police when he does decide to do something. He's on the edge, like yours.
Get it documented.

I have already called their individual counselors. I have a feeling that this is something one or the other will have to talk about.

Have already talked to the domestic violence unit with my local police department. If I call then because he is yelling, they can possibly site him for disturbing the peace - IF he is still yelling when they arrive. If he threatens to hurt one of us, I can get an order of protection. If he does hit one of us, we go to the next level.

This is bad enough. But his mother just wanted to act like it was ok. And I don't think it appropriate for me to tell his new wife. That would be great wouldn't it? Your son's wife just left him and your husband is throwing things at your stepson.

The latest developments....

Called the police dept. They referred me to the domestic violence unit. According to the detective, he has to hit or hurt us or threaten to do so before they will do anything.

Called Child Abuse division of TN Dept of Children's Services. If I officially report it to them, they will fully investigate it and he will know I called in a complaint. That will make the situation worse.

Called Police Dept back. They say I can file an incident report and start a record on the situation. Then, if I call them later, they will have this on file. I can do this any time of day. So, tonight, after the children are asleep, I will call and do so. I am not ready for them to know that I would call the police on their dad. They would tell him and there would be hell for me to pay. No need to do that now.

So, I will start building the record. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Suggestion - have a video camera ready to tape the episode if needed.

Worked for me - my ex hates to have anyone else see how he behaves around me - it would ruin his good image.

A polaroid camera is also useful to docement things and is usually admissible in court.

Sorry you have to do this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> K

Video camera doesn't work. Am considering microcassette recorder that would be reasonably concealable. No money for video camera.

But that is a good idea.

I can't imagine how much more that would inflame him.

And I can't imagine how it would be to have to sleep with your bedroom door locked. Newly, is he still at home...do you have solid doors with deadbolts? Oh, my!!

But, the deed is done. The report is on file. And I am as sad as can be. I really think I hate him. But I would choose an on-the-job accident as my favorite fantasy for his demise.

<small>[ November 09, 2002, 06:57 PM: Message edited by: cinderella ]</small>

Yestereday, at a party for son's soccer team, doofus told me son had told him 2 lies and he was punishing him for it. S is emotionally immature and avoids these situations like the plague. He attempted to move away from his father who was being loud and forceful in a public place and, no doubt, embarassing my son in front of his peers. Doofus stuck out his foot. I can not read his mind and do not know whether this was merely an attempt to block son's way and herd him back to the spot where he could be yelled at. Or whether he was thinking of kicking the child.

This morning son told me his father has called him a habitual liar.

Why do people like this get to breathe?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cinderella:
<strong>Yestereday, at a party for son's soccer team, doofus told me son had told him 2 lies and he was punishing him for it. This morning son told me his father has called him a habitual liar.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like the pot calling the kettle black here. A kid telling stories I can understand, as they're still growing up. But an 'adult'?? Sounds like a big baby who has had some of his 'toys' taken from him so he's on one of these, like, really extended temper tantrums... We're wondering how long his 'new' wife puts up with his BullS**t??? Do you think they could make a new Afternoon Soap Opera out of this mans actions? Call it something like, "As The Moron's World Turns"...
Harold
PS - Princess, we're sorry you have to put up with this crap from him. As if the emotional turmoil from a Divorce wasn't enough, for you, your children, and Family, he has to be a DOPE about it. We had a name for folks like him when I was in the Army - CRYBABY.

One of the things that stopped my ex from ranting and raving like a lunatic in front of me and the kids was to simply hold a hand held taperecorder.

Of course he would say I was "paranoid", however it sure did change his demeanor. My response would simply be, "You could be right," and continued our conversation. He knew and I knew that I wouldn't hesitate to turn over the tape to the police. There was also a point in time where I arranged to have another adult, not related to me, be there for pick up and drop off times. When that wasn't possibly the tape recorder sure did help!