I haven't had a night like this in a long time, and I just need to vent. My girls are 5 and 3, and my son is 18 months. I've been separated for 14 months, and divorced for a little over a year. So my kids and I have had lots of time to get used to things. And for the most part, I think we are doing well. I take the girls to a therapist once a month, although we haven't been in a few months because he didn't see a need for us to, and recommended coming only if there was something we needed help with. The girls go with their dad every other weekend, and my son will join them when he turns 2. They appear to be well adjusted, and there aren't any major issues, transition or otherwise. God's really taken care of us.

So tonight we go out to dinner and do our normal bath and bed routine. The 5 year old gets upset at bedtime, and works herself into a big fit, saying things like "I wish you only had one kid, so I could just snuggle with you" and "We need another grownup here, so it is more even with the kids and you could give me more mommy time." I hear this from time to time, and it hurts, because I am doing the best job I can raising 3 little ones, and giving them the time they need while trying to raise them into respectful, nice, not spoiled little people. I go in and try to talk to her, being very empathetic at first but her fit is escalating, and I start losing patience, and it just went downhill. She yells she hates me, and wants a nice mommy. Meanwhile the 3 year old picks up on the negative energy and starts crying for her daddy. I don't know what to do or say, as I feel like crying myself, and it is his d**n fault that he left us. But they cry for him? I know they don't get it, and it is important that they love him and think well of him, but it is so unfair. Here I consider them first in every situation, devote myself to raising them, put my career on hold to stay home with them, get no break from being a mom, don't choose the easy way out on parenting issues because I want them to grow up well, and they are crying for him, Mr. abandon your pregnant wife and 2 little ones, Mr. consider himself first in every decision, Mr. part time when it is convenient daddy?

I guess I just feel like I can't be everything to them by myself, and they are suffering for it. When they go to their dad's, OW wife can help, and there are no rules, and he isn't worried about the values I am trying to instill. It is like a huge uphill battle, and I am discouraged. Thanks for listening.

Dear WhoamInow,

I don't quite know what to say except that I feel your frustration and pain at the injustice and will keep you in my prayers. I cannot imagine going through this whole nightmarish ordeal with 3 such little ones! My hat's off to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Be kind to yourself, and remind yourself constantly that you are doing ALL you can, and that you are a great mom, and that you love them. And tell them that often. I know it's not much consolation now, but I believe that they will figure 'it' (which parent was the genuine thing) out when they are older. Right now going to dad's house is all play time; he has help with them, and doesn't actually see them all that often, so he's the 'sugar daddy'. It IS UNFAIR! It stinks. But it's your reality right now.

I think your daughter takes her frustration out on you because you are THERE. He's not. She doesn't understand the whole story. In her little mind, she simply wants what she wants (perfectly normal for that age) and expresses her frustration if she can't have it. It's totally unfair, as 'dad' has all the cards stacked in his favour. You know that tho, so hold onto that, and take care of yourself.

Do you have any support around you? Anyone to take over for an afternoon or evening occassionally, so you can have some time to yourself? Try to work something out, as I'm sure that will help you preserve your sanity.

You are doing a supberb job with your children!! Be proud of yourself, and your determination to do what is best for them, in the sense of teaching them values, etc. Is there any way you can co-parent with your XH? I mean in the way of agreeing on some consistency of behaviour expectations, rules, etc. between the two homes?

Know that there ARE others in your situation; you are NOT alone, and many people on this site really do care, and will pray for you. Don't know what your 'beliefs' are, but I truly believe in a loving God, and the power of prayer. Keep up the good work <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> and keep posting whenever you feel the need. That's what we're here for! Remember to be gentle with yourself.

I know how you feel. I have had the same situation wiht my daughters at times. They have said things very similar and they see their Dad a lot. He goes to church with us on Wed nights and comes here and helps with homework two or three nights a week. They still cry and miss him and get mad at how I spend time with them. They are just confused and hurting. I get very upset at times also and feel like you do. I am trying to teach them abut the Lord and sometimes He supports the opposite of what I am trying to teach them. I feel like it is me against the world.

I have great friends that encourage me when I lose it and feel like I have had enough. God has been great to put wonderful friends in my life but, sometimes I am still alone and hurt.

It helps me to know that God knows what I am doing no matter if my husband does or not. the only way I get by is knowing that I must depend on the Lord to get through this. God did not mean for things to be this way. I call on Him when I have trouble like this and ask Him to help me be a good parent.It still hurts and is hard when there is just one parent. Sometimes it seems as if God is not hearing me but, then I remember that I must have faith.

Keep being the good mother that you are and God will bless you. You may feel like you are not doing a good job at times but, I am sure you are always there for your children. Your children will grow up and remember what you did for them.

Don't ever believe that things are geat at x's house. He may have convinced himself that things are great but, there not. He has to live with what he has done no matter if he shows it or not. It will all come out in the long run. Children can see through these things. Just keep up the good work.

gentle