Not that anyone here especially likes being divorced, but today just seems to be one of those days when I am feeling the pain of divorce more acutely.

And to tell you the truth, I had no idea of the pain felt by those who were divorcing and who are divorced. Society makes it seem so commonplace - like it's no big deal. But yet, there ever divorce has so many emotions associated with it that you just can't ignore.

Lately my 8 years old son has wanted me to read to him all the children's books about divorce that we had bought for them to help explain what was going on. And when I was cleaning his room, I found an old wedding picture that had me and ex and all of our family in it on his nightstand next to a picture of ex and OW and the kids.

It reminds me once again of how hard this is on the children. I would have HATED going from house to house like they do - and which the kids do tell me on a regular basis that they hate it.

I wish there was something I could do to ease their pain. I already play the good mom and accept new family and new stepmom's role in their lives. And I try to listen to how they feel and help them work through those feelings. They are enrolled in Rainbows at school and they love going to talk to their therapist.

It still just hurts my heart to see their pain.

I cannot fathom how ex can just nonchalantly say that the kids are fine and that they just need to get used to their new life and that it's actually better for them because now there are more people to love them.

What a load of cr@p. Yes, there are other nice people in the world, but God made it so that there was supposed to be one mom and one dad living together. And although it can work with step families, it is still not easy to do. Ex and others want to jump right to the happy part instead of actually acknowledging that to get to the happy part you have to actually work through all of the negative feelings first.

Still having a hard time realizing that this is my new reality. My Christian beliefs cannot reconcile the fact that ex is currently living in permenant and public adultery and that every time he has sex with ow, whether she's his wife or not, he's committing a mortal sin. HOW CAN HE REATIONALIZE THAT? I just don't understand. When the annulment is final, then I'll feel alot better - I hope. I deparately want closure, something that only God can provide I think.

Anyway, I do thank God for all of His blessings as I continue to see Him work in my life. It's just every now and again I get an overwhelming feeling of THIS IS SO WRONG!

Thanks for the ear - K

I do not know what to say. I went to Mass and lit candles for you and the children. I prayed for you and your ex & OW and for me and for my ex and for her OM. Mass always makes me feel better.
If there were something I could say to help you, I would. All I know to say at this very minute is that I pray for your peace and happiness and for that of your babies.

Yours In Christ,
NMW

I'm sorry for the pain you and your children are going through! I am WS and I accept full responsibility for my actions. I am sorry for what "we" have put you through.

I can say this...first hand, I know the pain of divorced parents x2! Most definitely tell your X he's living a lie by not accepting his own children's pain. It hurt then and it hurts now!
Keeping your children involved in Rainbow as well as encouraging them to share their feelings and and for that matter starting discussions with them will help with the healing process.
Although my words my lend a moment of comfort, I just want you to know how very sorry I am for ALL the pain YOUR family is going through!

I'm glad to see that someone else has their children in Rainbows. My girls love it. And they were told that they don't have to tell their parents what is discussed. It is their time and all about them. However, the pastor at the church is great with the parents, and our recovery. And most of us aren't members.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I cannot fathom how ex can just nonchalantly say that the kids are fine and that they just need to get used to their new life and that it's actually better for them because now there are more people to love them.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Call this either the FOG or denial, but it's not real.

My DD just brought up the picture thing too. She wanted a picture just of me to take with her to her father's house (pervert grandparent's house). I don't have one. This Christmas, when I have their pictures taken, I'm going to get in one so I'll have the three of us, our family and place it proudly in our home.
I think you'd enjoy that too for yourself, and to hand out to your family.

GIIC, I'm sorry to see you sad about this, I can't wait til this nightmare is over and I am D'd. I think its a bad week, alot of people seem sad, so I'll just blame it on the weather, or SAD, but it's just a phase. I really enjoy reading your supportive statements on this board.

GIC - OK I have a question - and I don't want you to take offense to it because I am just curious...You are having your marriage annulled - which is fine - but do you think that to the children it will look like the marriage never took place yet they were born?? Do you understand what I mean - My girls are 9 and 12 and the last thing that the judge asked me was if I was going to go back to my maiden name and I just didn't think it was the right thing to do because I thought my children and I should have the same last name??? I mean I know your children are young and this probably wouldn't even cross their mind - but I was just curious as to your thoughts - I mean you must have put alot of thought into this because you have already made your decision - and I think that the WS lie so much that they actually believe what they did was right and they can condone it in their own mind - which is sad....

I think you and I feeling the same thing today. I just replied to your post on my thread. Thanks for resonding to me there.

I wish I had positive things to say but I'm down there too. I try to tell myself chin up. I'm a good person that got mixed up with a bad person. This doesn't change me. I'm still the good person. You must be a good person too!

Thanks all....... it does seem to be one of those weeks.

I do have a picture of just me and the boys proudly displayed in our den, but I since I was pregnant at the time, I am going to get some new ones done soon with all of us together. The boys do want a picture of me that they can take to their dad's house.

And as far as the annulment goes - from what I gather, in the Catholic church - which is the church I am a member of, the annulment doesn't mean that the children are illegitimate or anything like that. It just means that right now - for whatever designated reason, the spouses are unable to live the sacrament of marriage. The marriage ceremony is acknowledged and the church still recognizes that we got married - it's just that nobody knew at the time that ex was unable to make a committment for life - sometimes these things aren't learned until later. Because when you get married the church assumes that both parties are capable of making the right committments, however, if later, some defect is revealed that prevents one or both of the parties to live the sacrament of marriage, then the church can release the parties from their vow - it's the whatever you bind on earth is bound in heaven and whatever is loosened on earth is loosened in heaven words from Jesus.

Hope that clears some things up.

THANKS AGAIN! K

GIC - Thank you - the reason why I asked is because I am Catholic also and I know that once you are divorced you are not allowed to be married in the church - I remember when Joseph Kennedy ( I am from Massachusetts - the Kennedy's are like everyday news)wanted to get divorced and remarried after like I don't know 18 years of marriage and his wife freaked and actually wrote a book about it because she said that it made it seem like her 16 year old twin boys weren't conceived in marriage...- I just wanted your take on it - I believe you deserve to have someone who respects the sacrament of marriage and I wish you luck..... Thank you for your explanation..

God is in Control,

It is heartbreaking to see what happens to the kids of dv. I can just imagine God eyeview of what is going on - He must be sick to his stomach.
I have my kids 24/7 which creates it's own challenges. But after reading your posts and others here, I am thankful that they are here with me. My kids reconize that I am the stable one, the loving one, the one who is there for them. Even though I feel overwhelmed at times, I wouldn't want them shuffled around. They don't want that either.

It is spelled out in the bible, that WXH is now committing adultry. God will deal with him no doubt about it. There was a passage that talked about sinners experiencing frustrations that it was God's built in warning system that SOMETHING is wrong.

You are your kids are in my prayers constantly. My YS asked what MB was, cuz I mention in a general way when we pray each night.

God Bless,
D.

Dear GIIC,

This has been a bad week. The divorce is tearing my kids up...and he doesn't see it. I wish the man was dead...it would be less devastating to all of us then going throught the hell he is putting us through.

I hope that God does deal with this mess...sure doesn't seem like he is at this point. It makes me sick.

Take care...hopefully, we all will get through this and get some much deserved happiness.. Pat