Well, technically it IS our 11 year wedding anniversary today since we are not divorced yet. I did not know how I would feel about this day, especially since I received word only a few days ago that he has finally submitted the appropriate paperwork for our divorce.

But I find myself feeling strangely calm. Last year it was a horrible day...we were supposed to go to Victoria Falls for our tenth anniversary, we had plans for the big day, and so maybe that made a difference. Not to mention that I was a whole lot closer to the separation at that time too.

Still, I find myself wishing for the day when November 9 can just be another day for me, and not one where the joyous day of our perfect wedding keeps creeping into my mind. Yet, I think it is a good thing that I can think back on it without tears or sadness, and it is a big indicator to me on how far I have come on this journey.

I dunno, I just thought I would share.

Love and light,

Jacky

Hi Jax...

Well, you'll have to change your signature line... married for 11 yrs. It's very sad and I wish it could be different for you, for all of us!

Peace and presence friend...

Nicole

(((((((((((((((((Jackie)))))))))))))))))))))) You're in my prayers too - believe me - today will soon become 'just another day' - it took me about 3 years, some folks heal faster than others. This too, shall pass.
Love, healing, peace, and joy WILL find you, Jackie, just give it time - you will heal.
Peace, and God bless you and your children.
Harold

HI Jacky,

You sound like you are in a better place for your anniversary than I recently was for mine. Do you have any plans for the day? A new tradtion on the day?

D.

Hi there
I know the timing of the paperwork completion just adds salt to your wounds. My H moved out July 3 but didn't sign the paperwork until September 17, the day before our 26th anniversary. Don't they realize these dates have significance too??

I hope you have plans to be with caring friends and/or family today...make some new HAPPY memories.

Hi and thanks for replying everyone.

My November 9th is nearly over, and I managed to get through it with minimal sadness. No tears, just a passing thought here and there.

Today I took my kids to the swimming pool. We have a great facility five minutes from home; indoor and outdoor and a beautiful setting. I took my book and read while the kids splashed around. It was very peaceful, although we all got a little sunburnt.

Tonight my mum and dad came visiting. They forgot what today was, but as they were leaving I told them. Mum and dad looked at each other....then mum said "Well I KNEW there was a reason I had to come and see you tonight..." So I guess they were kind of sent to me to help keep my mind off it. We watched a rerun of Platoon.

So now the house is quiet and I am almost ready for bed. I made it through! I am pleased with that. Thanks for being here, and hopefully next year I won't even remember the anniversary date at all.

Love and light,

Jacky

((((Jack))))

You'll be hugging me Wednesday... my 10th.

It just feels... strange.

Sure - You get to go swimming while we are wearing hats and gloves! Sounds like I need to move! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

E

Hmmm,

The day after the anniversary now, and i feel worse than I did yesterday...depressed down, angry at stbx...you know the drill.

This happened to anyone else before?

Yes, it's happened to me. Our first Anniversary separated I was very very depressed. Then the second Anniversary with divorce at the door, I felt numb .... wasn't until a day or so later that I really started hurting. Felt pretty alone, and couldn't stop playing those damn tapes of the enitre mess in my head.

I think what will help Jac, is to not try and think too far into the future. To just think about today and tomorrow and stop there. What made me feel bad most times was to wonder what's gonna happen to me now.

I read some really helpful posts on the EN board by Kayla and Andy about getting thru tough spots emotionally. I'm gonna cruz on over there and find it for you and post it here.

Be back in a minute.

Lv,
Jo

Here ya go Jac .... There is more, I'll go get that too and be back. -Jo

*******************************************
Imagine that you get this in your email box.
___________________________________________

Hi,

I am God.

Today I will be handling all of your problems.

Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. It will be addressed in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold on to it.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are
people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the
person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the
woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from
assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all
about, asking what is my purpose? Be Thankful.
There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness,
ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be them!

Should you decide to smile; Do it.
You might brighten someone's day!
_______________________________________________

I'm just passing this on as it was shared with me. I didn't make this up myself.

a God box is a very useful tool when used properly. It can develop your faith in a higher power as you watch God deal with your life and it's problems in ways that never occured to you previously. Sometimes he might work thru other people sometimes he might work on your own character defects because that's what it takes to work out the problem you put in his box. The key to success with a God box is surrender and submission to HIS divine will and HIS divine methods. Once you put something in the God box you have only one option and that is to submit to HIS will and ways on the matter. If you insist on holding on to YOUR will and YOUR ways after putting the issues in his care you are asserting that you know better and are wiser than God in dealing with that issue. I can assure you that you delude yourself to believe such nonsense. Time and experience will teach anyone who uses this recovery tool just how much better God really does know how to deal with life than they do. It will teach them that God loves them and cares that they get what's best for them and that he can and does deliver. Not as the world giveth but in a far better way. If you use it and don't abuse it you will develop that trust and faith.

as always using it is optional. you may find however that the more you use it the more you will WANT to use it because of the vastly enhanced results you will receive and be rewarded with for your faith. If you never use it you will or may never know what you have missed. Faith preceeds miracles. It's a prerequisite. This is just one way of exercising faith. It can be fun. You can use it for anything. Don't worry you won't stump God with even your hardest problem. You might even learn something you didn't know before and that's a bonus.

Jacky -

You're still going through all of the lovely stages of grief.

The book Rebuilding was recommended to me to go through and work - there are questions at the end of each chapter and then once the first 5 chapters are finished then you can move on to rebuild yourself.

I too still feel the sorrow that comes with this and I've heard that we'll feel it for possibly the rest of our lives at one time or another, but it won't be quite as painful.

Hopefully we're healing through all of this pain - would hate for it to all go to waste......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You'll come out alright in the end, with or without STBXH.

Keep hanging in there! K

Jacky...

God bless you. You are doing a great job. The A is a hard thing to bear. This was first year for me too. stbx threw a fit on this anniversary. And we ended up saying very angry words with each other and I ended the conversation with "have a happy anniversary dear". Very angrily.

But you did good. You had support. Seeing and being with the kids and family is wonderful. I have been praying for you too. You must stay strong now. I keep getting mad when I hear people telling me to be strong. Heck, I've been strong for two years now. It isn't easy. I want to just stop this nonsense for a while and relax. I know you do too. But we have to keep plugging away at life. It is hard, but you can do this.

I was placed because of my recent stress and blood pressure changes (went really high for three days as well as tachycardia from extreme stress) on an anti anxiety med. It is helping so much. My bp is already down quite a bit. It has helped me have a little bit more clarity now. And I have so needed that. Went to church today also. Having faith friends helps too. We will never probably understand why their brains were suddenly turned off and we have to accept that our WS are just that..People waltzing through life with their brains turned off. When they flick the switch back to the on position, they will be amazed at the sight of how their lives and families really are now. It would be, I guess, like rip van winkle waking up from a very long nap only to see the entire world around him is very different now. Just think...That is a burden you do not ever have to endure. You have done the best with your life and with your kids. Life is only going to become easier. In the future a wonderful guy is going to see these qualities and treat you like the treasure you are. Until then, remember God is molding you day by day. Refining you and making you even more beautiful on the inside.

Hugs to you. You survived that day. That day we all dread next to the divorce day.

Thanks guys,

I am in a better place again, and thinking of things other than my anniversary. I am trying to get part time work for next year, and trying to get more exercise into my life. Self-improvement things. I think I will even get my hair styled again this week.

I hope I am doing the best job I can as a mother, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it. My D really had some emotional difficulties this past weekend, and I felt like she hated me. Since she wouldn't tell me what the problem was, I guess she is just acting out over all this stuff again. She will be joining her brother with the guidance officer at school tomorrow. Maybe she will talk to someone other than me.

STBX webcammed with the kids on Sunday, but at first the webcam on this side wouldn't transmit. He got annoyed and abruptly signed off....as my son was sitting there. Then I rebooted to see if I could get it working and he logs back on and asks if I got it working...so they had their chat.

I can't get the microphone to work, so it means I have to stay in the room typing their responses to him. So I find that difficult. I need a pc whizz to tell me how to get it going.

Oh well, thanks again for the advice and support. Resilient, I have seen that God letter before, and I love it too.

Love and light,

Jacky

Hi Jack, glad you made it through THAT day and you're feeling better.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justthewife:
<strong>((((Jack))))

Sure - You get to go swimming while we are wearing hats and gloves! Sounds like I need to move! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

E</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I second that one - I hate late Fall and Winter! Bring back El Sol - I live for Summer.
Cold in Texas, Harold
(where's the graemlin for FREEZING??)