I keep saying that there is light at the end of the dark tunnel.

My brief story:

Married in April, 2000.
Separated in April, 2002.
Discovered H's EA (online)at the same time.
Worked on me - H STILL in deep fog.
Divorce final in August.

Since then:

Continuing to work on me. Just visited my therapist for the first time in months for an update "hello" non-session.

Just refinanced my house - went from a 30 year loan at 7.75% to a 15 year loan at 5.5%. Got it all on my own - no financial help from family, friends, etc.

Got a new job offer - more money, better benefits, closer to home. Begin December 2nd. Best of all, I wasn't looking - they came to me.

Considering going back to school - am eligible for financial assistance at a nearby university with a great reputation.

Went back to church - boy this one feels REALLY good. Feel all together CLOSER with God which has also made me feel even CLOSER to my family.

Am feeling good and just wanted to share.
Llama

<small>[ November 11, 2002, 02:34 PM: Message edited by: llama ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Congratulations on your positive momentum, Llama.

Congratulations Llama -
I was wondering how you were doing. I'm so glad that you were able to qualify and refinance your house. It makes you feel good that you don't have to have X's income to live doesn't it.

I am waiting on the completion of a condo that is supposed to be finished in February. I qualified for it on my own too. I keep hoping that interest rates are going to drop even more. I did borrow a little money from my parent for the earnest money but I plan on paying them back when I close and have the remainder of what I got out of the house to use.

I think that would be great if you go back to school. I find that the busier that I keep the better off I am. What would you go back to school for?

I have signed up to serve on the committe for the National Brain Tumor Foundation for the walk that they are having in my home town in May, 2003. I also signed up to assist at a cooking school for various classes. I earn credit while I do it and I get to meet so many people.

I went back to church recently as well. Yesterdays sermon was on forgiving one another. I struggle with this still. I think time is the only thing that will help me through this.

Keep doing stuff for you and make yourself who you want to be.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Thanks for the uplifting post!

Hi Llama! Whooooo hooo! Way to go. Isn't that a great feeling: "You can do it and you did it" Thank you for posting this - surely this will encourage others that they can do it too - it all begins with YOU. Thanks again, and may God continue to bless you!
Harold

Thanks for all the supporting posts - it does amaze me how well things have gone since the divorce. I was miserable (couldn't even eat) when we separated - then as I began to work on me with the help of my therapist (I'm now a BIG therapy advocate) - I grew more confidant.

I hope that no one here would have to go through a divorce, but sometimes we have to look at ourselves and realize that if the only reason we are staying is because we are scared, we don't know how to be on our own, we're comfortable (even though we are miserable), etc. Then, it's really time to answer the question "WHAT DO I WANT" and try to answer it without using the spouses name in any way - really look at ourselves.

Of course we want our spouse to be honest, sweet, loving, supportive, etc. - but we cannot change them - we can only change ourselves (if we want to). So looking at ME, Llama, I had to decide what I wanted in life. And, now I know that I can still have them WITHOUT my XH.

I mean I WANT TO BE MARRIED, I WANT TO BE A MOTHER - and I can still have these things without XH - I am confidant of that.

It's hard - really hard. I remember days of just crying. I remember not even wanting to fill out the loan papers (for refinancing house) because I was afraid my credit wouldn't pass or I didn't make enough money on my own.

We need to remember that difficult or down right bad relationships can make us feel hopeless. Like we aren't worth much to anyone. Or that we have to "keep the peace" no matter what the cost. That is simply not true.

We are all very special people. We have to look at ourselves, dust the dirt off when we fall and pick ourselves back up again.

The road ahead is long - but you know what? It's long for everyone - married, unmarried, divorced, etc. It's what we do while we're walking down that LOOOOOOOONG road that will make the difference in our lives. It's up to us to pick the flowers along the way - and do things that make US happy. Sure, it can feel selfish, but you know what? We deserve to be happy and to be happy we have to choose it.

I AM HAPPY. It doesn't mean I don't have blue days or get a little emotional now and then. Or that life is easy. It's not. But, I know I have to make the most of what I have in my life and starting now is better than not starting at all.

God bless you all.

Llama

Llama- I am very happy for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !!! You give me hope - I am still having my bad days some weeks more occasionally than others - though I need to start working on me and my girls and just put that ex of mine out of the picture - he does not matter - and I know that - You sound wonderful - thank you for the uplifting post.....

llama,

You are correct in what you wrote. Divorce is nasty. I wish this on no one. My Divorce will be final next Wednesday. I wake up at 2am every morning for the past week feeling sick about it.

I think once you are at this stage, you need to take baby steps. I am hurt - very hurt, but you need to move on. I have read books about D that helps. Remember - if you relive the past, you stay in the past. You need to move forward to heal.

Dino