Yesterday I buried my Great Aunt. A wizened old woman who managed to reach 91 and still maintain all her faculties and live a full life.

Her funeral though was an angry time for me. Only two weeks ago I was looking thru my Wedding pictures and saw her happy face at our wedding some 13 years ago. I remember she was really happy at me and the woman I had chosen and wanted to be with. "A Beautiful Catch" she had called her.

Yesterday we laid her ashes in the ground in the pouring rain next to the grave of her son, who had died some two years earlier. That Funeral my wife was alongside me and a family member. Yesterday I was alone and she was no longer a family member of her own choice.

My Great Aunt never knew what I have been thru this past year and it's perhaps better that she didn't, her view of a beautiful catch would have been tarnished beyond repair, like my M.

My STBX knew I was going to the Funeral. She was having the kids. I had to drive half way across the country to get there only to find that the body had not arrived on time and would be delayed by three hours. I called my Wife to see if she could have the children longer as I would now be cutting it fine to pick them up at 7pm by staying in the speed limit. She couldn't have them any like because she was going out with Svengali.

That tipped me over the edge with my anger. Here I was with a family that had loved her unceasingly, had supported her thru two affairs and months of suicide and yet she is just truly out of it. It's highlighted to me how stupid in many respects I have been to keep trying. I have realised that it has been completely one sided my Plan A, my Plan B has been hard and you can just tell that this DV is gonna get messy. Not because of me but because of her. My Daughters were crying because she said she was going to take me to court to try and stop me making purchases (she p'ed off cos of my Porsche). It took me ages to calm the little ones down.

I can't talk to her anymore. I cannot remain on civil terms. I just can't have interaction with her it tears me up. I want this over and her away, her treatment of me has been despicable. Sure she denies it, after all that's the only way she can stay in "Victim" mode, no consideration for the hurt and certainly no attempt at reconciliation. Her behaviour is like a 4th Daughter.

Neil.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Im sorry. I see som similarities beween our stories.

My family has supported my H through all his addictions, my brother even did not hold H's affair against him.

H finally cracked under the strain of continued drug and alcohol use and could no longer stand the guilt of leading his double life. And he realised that I would no longer be a doormat and allow him to treat me that way

So he left. and has told his whole family it was because of the way I treated him. He brought VD home from a prostitute 1 month after we were married, has had 3 arrests, numerous accidents, physical violence, emotional abuse and affair on top of the drugs and alcohol. and he left because of the way I treated him.

Anyway, I have started divorce proceedings, H doesnt know. Im afarid he will stop immediately paying bills. My parents are both now dead and I only have my brother 2000 miles away. 1 aunt and a few cousins close to me but because of alcoholism H isolated me from them. I am trying to repair those relationships

I will pray for you. Im only starting on this difficult journey and I know its going to be messy too. I have been married for 26 years, my father was a minister and I loved my H so much, I cant believe it has come to this. we have 4 kids..oldest is 22, youngest is 15. They all want me to go through with this divorce which I thought was unusual that I should do it right away. let me know how things are going.

Her behaviour is like a 4th Daughter.

None of my daughters have ever treated me that badly.

I think you are learning some of the things that D'vd people learn. Don't trust her to do anything at all for you.

When it's her turn to have the kids, she will scream loudly if you are late getting them to her by 60 seconds. But when she needs to be late picking them up you are a monster if you can't wait for her. Well, it is often like that, I hope not always. Learn not to count on her for anything, and get someone else to watch them if you have an important meeting that may go late.

You seem to be still working on your feelings, but you seem to be improving. I hope you continue to improve.

SS

Hi Neil

I've been away working for a few days and just got back to London so a bit of time to catch up on things other than work.

Firstly, may I say how sorry I am to hear of the loss of your Aunt. My great Aunt lived to be 91 and she was such a marvellous character. Loved a Silk Cut, few bevvies and wonderful stories of her life as a journalist - she travelled with the first GI Brides back to the States and reported on it. When you loose someone like that, it's such a blow that another of these great characters have gone on. Remember though how lucky you were to have her for such a long time.

I think SS has hit the nail on the head. You cannot rely on or trust your WW for anything. She is not there for you, and will continue to use every excuse in the book for her behaviour. I only hope that one day she can admit to what she has done and with time become more like the person you used to know. As the mother of your children she will always be in your life, and hopefully one day you will be able to have better relations with her.

Take care Neil, hope you have a good weekend.
Lisa

Thanks Lisa, you have been missed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Actually this week has been pretty good. After that Monday Funeral I realised even more so that I could reduce contact with stbx even further and I have done that. As a result there has been zero contact except a "Money Transferred" SMS wednesday (gotta keep her and Svengali financially stable haven't I <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

It's made me feel better that's for sure and I haven't concentrated on the mess she has made at all. In fact I am talking to someone else now that has made me see how so utterly bad my environment was. My difficulty now is I can see how utterly abnormal my M was for years.

Hell who would have though 6 laxative a day wasn't right! Of course this is perhaps a little anti-MB but hell even Steve H said my life was not quite within the remit of MB's!

Best wishes Neil.