Hi everyone!
I was stopped in my tracks this morning when I read this email. About 2 weeks ago, I had been given this scripture from the Lord. I wrote it in my prayer journal and now it comes to me via email!
FRIENDS
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the
Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in
all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with
the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Cor. 1:3-4
No, this message is not about a television program, but about a door
that the Lord opens for many standers during the early stages of
marriage restoration. Sadly, some standers do not enter into what the
Lord has provided. Charlyne and I desire that you be cognizant of the
opportunity to minister to your prodigal spouse through friendship.
This subject surfaced once again Sunday afternoon. I was thumbing
through one of Charlyne's notebooks, titled "Miracles," that she has
filled with email and letters. Although it did not address the topic
I was researching, I paused and carefully read one email, received
over a year ago, which began, "My broken and hurting husband called
and asked if we could be friends."
That wounded wife described the tragic circumstances of her family.
Since leaving home, her prodigal husband had lost the other person,
his job, his finances, and his health. He called that standing wife,
not seeking reconciliation, but simply to ask if they might be
friends.
What would be your reaction if your prodigal spouse called in the next
minute to ask if you could "just be friends?" Would you agree without
delay, or would you launch into a litany about unfaithfulness,
unrepentance, and unforgiveness? Would joy be evident in your voice,
or would you waste that opportunity from God to lay down ground rules
and boundaries?
Many of the personal messages of encouragement we have received in
recent days have expressed appreciation for "Bob's perspective as a
prodigal." I feel led to share more from that perspective with you
today.
It is miserable being a prodigal. It is lonely being a prodigal. It
is embarrassing being a prodigal. The only friends we have are those
who feel we can do something for them. We are as counterfeit as
smeared ink on a new twenty dollar bill, and we know it.
Our spouse thinks it is about sex. We know it is really about shame.
Our spouse thinks it is about the good life. We know it is really
about the guilty life. Our spouse thinks it is about new friends. We
know it is really about lost friends. Our spouse thinks it is about
what we left home seeking. We know it is really about what we left
home and lost. Our spouse thiunks it is about walking away from God.
We know it is really about being ashamed and attempting to hide from
God.
"But my prodigal is so happy," someone is countering. Yes, your
prodigal may appear to be "happy," because that is the front we
prodigals must demonstrate to the world. How much happiness can come
from being separated from the inseparable, a covenant spouse, walking
away from home, family, community, almost everything in a former life,
and attempting to start all over with a replacement spouse? Until you
can hear your prodigal mate's heart, and not simply their words, you
cannot determine their happiness.
Why should you now hate the same person that you once stood with
before God and were joined in mariage? "Because of what they have
done," is not an answer. Those tricks are being put together not by
your spouse, but by the evil one himself. Your anger needs to be
directed toward satan, and not taken out on your spouse.
Following my 1996 stroke, my entire left side was paralyzed. I was in
rehab attempting to regain use of my lifeless arm and leg. I soon
learned in physical therapy not to refer to be left limbs as my "bad
arm" or "bad leg."
Every therapist would deliver the same reply, "What has that arm/leg
ever done to you? It's not bad, only weak right now, but that will
change." What has your spouse ever done to you, except what the enemy
has made them do? (By the way, this message is being typed with two
hands because everything came back. Is there a message here for you?)
Assume with me that you have receive a second phone call. This one is
from a person (of the same sex) whom you greatly admire. The caller
says, "I am wondering if we could be friends." No doubt you would be
flattered, and start making plans with that other person. Why then,
can't you be friends with your covenant mate?
These next six weeks of the year are known as the holiday season. To
prodigals, this is the lonely season. The Lord may allow you oppor-
tunity upon opportunity during this time to demonstrate friendship
toward an absent mate, ranging from an invitation to Thanksgiving
dinner to simply sending a Christmas card. Would you do less for any
other friend?
Charlyne and I pray that you will always be ready to be friends with
your wayward mate. That just might be the avenue the Lord is using to
bring the one you love back to both a Heavenly Father and to a praying
family.
These daily messages for you are not programmed far in advance, but in
the days ahead I suspect we will be sharing about Bob's blunders and
Charlyne's capers while we were apart during the holidays. May you
learn from our mistakes and always stand ready to renew a friendship
with the one you love.
If you are standing with God and praying for the restoration of your
marriage, you have found the keys to faith, hope, peace, and so much
more. What better person to share it with your prodigal spouse? You
can discover a friend in your mate.
"Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the
discerning get guidance." Proverbs 1:5
Blessings,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries
PO Box 10548
Pompano Beach, FL 33061
http://rejoiceministries.orgP.S. - Not every subscriber is standing for the restoration of their
marriage. Some readers are what we lovingly call "prodigals." If
that is you, Charlyne and I want to encourage you that building a
friendship with the one you left may be the first step home. By the
way, we have a Mighty God who is waiting to be your friend. Call on
Him today. May this holiday season be a season of victories for you
and for your family.
******************************************************************
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?
If your best friend was headed for divorce court tomorrow, what brief
thought or scripture would you want to share to encourage them? That
is our new contest. We will be selecting the "most appropriate" entry
with one or two sentences of help and support, and send the winner a
set of five (yes sir, five) of our books. Entries must be received
by Friday, November 15 and must be submitted from the contest page -
http://rejoiceministries.org/contest.html ******************************************************************
