W Called at 11:18 Sunda. Talked to Ayla...Ayla evidently told her she got her school pics because Caren asked for the big one, I said OK and Caren gave her address to Ayla...Then Ayla told Caren her email address and Caren had Ayla tell me the reason her email doesn't work is because she doesn't have a computer. Caren asked via Ayla when we could swap cars and I said I don't know. Then she told me, "Daddy, momma said you need to talk about that, I said I'm not talking to her, and Ayla said she said "she'll just keep the Neon" and I told her to have Nanna call me. She gave Ayla her phone number so she could call when we left...She was talking about the jobs and said that none of the jobs have called him back yet. So I'm assuming she has no plans of coming home but she's checking up on me. Now she's talking to Sean. Talked to him less than 5 minutes and Sean gave me the phone and I handed it to Ayla. Sean was upset about that. Then Ayla said buy to her and got off the phone at about 11:36. Caren told Ayla that she was sleeping with Mr. Bear (that's a bear of Ayla's that she has had since she was little).
She told Ayla that she was working at a Zippy store at night...Which is a gas station. She said she can't go to the library because she works. Just another excuse I guess.

I guess this is just another affirmation that she's not thinking about coming home. She must really like the way she's living. To tell the truth, I hate it. I hate knowing that she's living the way she is. My heart aches and I don't see any hope of her coming home.

I guess all that talk about her not being sure about divorcing was just BS.

Thoughts?????????

I wrote this two days ago and tried to post it but it wouldn't work...Now, here it is...

While I was on a call today, I was driving and all I could think about was her, my wife, being the loving good wife and friend she used to be to me. All I could see were pictures in my head of the fun and loving moments we used to have together. I kept thinking of how wonderful it would be to have her back in my life again. To be able to HOLD her. That alone would mean SOOOO much.

So I guess Plan B isn't working to well if I STILL feel this way after 4 months of Plan B. Isn't it supposed to make it easier to "let go" of the one you love? Right now, I feel like I did many months ago when I first found out, like I'm helpless to do anything...like there's NO hope that she will ever come back home...but I still SO MUCH want her to.

Lone Wolf,
As I don't know your story, I can very much relate to the pain that you are feeling.
I was in a Plan B for more months than I care to remember.
Being in Plan B unfortunately does not necessarily make life or your marriage get any better... case in point my "M" ended in "D".
When I went into Plan B., I had already decided that my "M" was pretty well ending. I had already decided to file for "D".
Not because I wanted to, but because I felt that it was in the best interest of my children as well as for myself.
I have not been in contact with my exW for almost 8 months. Soooo does Plan B. make things easier? Many times it does not.
IMHO, you need to gather all the mental and physical capabilities that you have while you are in Plan B. because in many cases it gets rough... real rough.
Hang in there, and if you have faith in the Lord ... say some prayers to have your wife's heart softened and allow him to lead your way.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

<small>[ November 12, 2002, 05:32 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hey Wolf,
I do know your story because I have been reading about you since you came on.(long before I ever started posting)

I am sorry something has not happened yet for the better. I am glad you still have love for her, it means there is still a chance for things to work. I wish she would respond.

You have a lot of strength, I admire how far you have come. I know it doesn't seem like anything is any better but you have improved YOU, and that is something. Keep on with your prayers and don't give up yet. I am one of those that is praying for you.

SS
PS, I haven't seen Davepr on for quite sometime, I suspect that is because he is doing well, and doesn't need the support. At least I hope it is.

<small>[ November 12, 2002, 06:29 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Wallace & SS,

Thank you both for your support...I do have Faith in God and pray "constantly" about this and I think that's one thing that has helped me tremendously. My only problem is that no matter what "I" want, it just might not be in HIS plan. I wish I knew his plan but I don't, so I have to just keep praying about it.

My most recent prayers go something like this...Lord, please let this be over, let something happen, one way or the other, just let it be over.

Get the picture? I'm at a point that I want SOMETHING to happen...Either her file for D and I move on without hope of reconciliation and get over all of this...or her come home so we can get things moving in the right direction...

Plan B sucks and is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life. Every aspect, from not talking to her to not being there for her...The hardest part is not being able to see her face and hear her voice...I really miss...just being with her in general.

Well, I'm still praying and hoping that someday soon, God will let us in on HIS plan...until then, I'll follow my Plan B and wait...Jacob waited many many years before God let him in on his plan and when he did, things got much much better for him. So I'll keep plowing my field and tending the flow while working for Laban and eventually, God will show me HIS plan.

LW

Hi again Lone Wolf,
I do get the picture, as I was in a full legnth motion picture when it came down to what you are talking about.
I recently told Petvet in the "Tough Love" thread that being in a Plan B. with the possible loss of your marriage, is and was one of the toughest things that you may ever experience, aside from losing a child.
I still feel that way... that hasn't changed... and I have been through quite a few things in my life time.
Plan B does suck! Every aspect of all of this sucks... but you have to play the hand that you were dealt, and play it to the best of your ability.
You need to start to concentrate on healing yourself while your in Plan B. Find a support group (Divorce Care) or a good Church group that you can converse with and let them know how your feeling. Become an active member in your Church, and become involved with your Church as much as you can.
It's very difficult to not go through a day without thinking about your spouse, but if you become active in other outside interests, it does help to take the edge off.
Put God as your focus, and make him the center of your life... let your life evolve around him... and in time... things will start getting better.
This is what has helped me get through this...
If your not trying any of this, give it a try... you might be surprised.
Stay Strong!
Wallace