Now that I'm moved out of the house and into my new apartment and pretty much have everything in it's place, does anybody have any ideas about how to spend all of this free time I have on my hands.

I have the kids 3 or 4 nights a week and that leaves a lot of time that I used to spend with my WW. Unfortunately, most of the things that I really enjoy doing are things that the wife and I did together and that just isn't available to me right now. For instance, I went to see a movie the other night and spent most of the time feeling alienated and teary eyed. And the movie was a COMEDY!

I guess most of this stuff is still VERY new, but the loneliness has got to be the scariest and worst part of this whole situation!

Look into taking some courses at the university, join a social club and learn how to do ballroom dancing, join a gym and work out, learn a new hobby, learn how to play tennis, how to sail, how to fly an airplane, volunteer to work for nonprofit charity organizations, read books or take seminars on improving yourself for your next realationship. Best wishes

I know exactly how you're feeling. I had to move from my home too, and I was paralyzed with fear so much that I could'nt unpack a box - literally!

But it's been 12 days and I'm enjoying it more all the time. Embrace this time to get to know yourself!

Things I do/plan to do to keep busy:
</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Read, read, read!
  Digital cable (tons of movies on!)
  Cook
  Bathe my dog
  Call friends
  Meet friends out/have friends over for dinner
  Exercise
  Paint
  Go back to school
  Start going to church</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My therapist told me when I'm feeling lonely to go to the mall. There's people there and it will get my mind off things. I think that's a bad idea, because I'll end up spending $$ I don't have!
But she also said that exercise and nature combined (a walk in the park) raises seratonin levels, enhancing your mood.

Hope this helps...hang in there !

<small>[ November 13, 2002, 01:45 PM: Message edited by: inafunk ]</small>

I just started a college program. At first I loved all the quiet time I had, but it is quite lonely now. The upcoming winter months aren't going to help me either... it's dark when I go to work and it's dark when I get home.

Good luck to you!

Join a divorced/separated support group.
I don't know if you've filed for divorce, but it takes an enormous amount of time to get the paperwork together and complete the forms.
I've spent alot of time reading and growing. Think of all the things you wanted to do if you "just had the time". Now list them and do them.

Well, for me, I spent the first 2 weeks in tears - the third week I began coming out of it, and from then on - SMOOTH SAILING - I was enjoying my new-found freedom. I spent lots of time watching TV, but then again, I had just been Medically Chaptered out of the US Army for Disability stemming from injuries I received in Operation Desert Storm. I watched a lot of TBN preachers - they were very uplifting to me. John Hagee, Rod Parsley, and Joyce Meyer were my favourites. Had I been working, I probably still would have spent my extra time watching TV. Just what I did, I know everyone has different tastes...
Harold T

I was right where you are at, only about 3 months ago. I understand completely, and have found that you have to make things good or bad for yourself. It is very easy to stay inside and let yourself wallow in your misery and unfairness. But it will not do you any good at all.

I get to be with my children only half the time. I would love more, but I understand that at least at this juncture, that is not to be. I get them Mon/Tue and every other Fri/Sat/Sun. I love being with them. My time is so easially spent with them around. But I agree, it was much more difficult at first, to be alone.

So without further adou...

Things I do now that I am alone so much of the time.

First.. I write alot about how I feel about things. This has allowed me to go back and reread where I was at different stages of this mess. It also allows me to grow through interaction with the others on this board. Getting their insight and experience to integrate into my own thoughts and dealings.

Second... I started taking a jewelry making class. I was going to do this before my wife left again, so just because she decided to leave, I did not allow it to interfere with my plans. She has been involved in enough changes in my life lately. I wanted to do this and did it for me. Although all the jewelry that I had planned, I had planned for her. I highly recommend taking a class like this. It is through the local Arts Center and meets once a week. Other options are ceramics, clay/wheel, glass blowing, painting, photography, etc.. All these things help you to gain or improve a skill as well as help you to interact outside your workplace and family. They help you to have something else to think about. They give you a sense of purpose. Many, like photography, have 'assignments' during the week that 'require' you to do things outside of class. This helps with other times that you might be inclined to veg with the bon bons.

I go to a class on Divorce Care at my church on Wednesdays. In fact I just got back from there a bit ago. This is great, because it helps to begin new friendships as well as gives you a basis with which to deal with the issues that you are being faced with from a Christian standpoint, if that is your desire.

I have been reading alot. Several self help books, novels, and the Bible. All have been extremely helpful, and have allowed me to utilize my time as I move forward.

I try to 'go out' on Thursday nights with friends from work. This has been great, because it helps me to see that I can have a good time without my wife. Other people find me interesting and attractive, at least so they say. This has helped a bit in the confidence department, not that I needed alot, but after being left by your wife, even the best self esteem takes a hit. Being approached and talking with people has helped my self esteem return back to a more normal level.

I don't watch much TV at all. I have never gotten much out of it, but digital cable IS very nice, because if I ever do want to watch it, there is usually something worthwhile on at least. Although I watch maybe 5% of the available channels. haha

I cook alot now. I used to cook before I met my wife, then she took over. She is a great cook. I have started cooking again, because I like it, and my boys deserve it. I also love to cook and I have been trying recipes out. Someday I will have a lovely lady over for dinner, and I want to KNOW that what I am cooking will turn out GREAT !!!

I have been wanting to paint again. I really havn't since I married. I thought that I would have so much time living "alone" so much of the time, that my walls would be filled with it. However, I have found that I don't have the time. haha Kind of a good/bad thing all rolled up into one. I have so much to do, that my thing that I wanted to do is put to the side for now, in regard for these other things. I have only done a few small pieces for my hallway. My dining and living rooms only have what I brought with me.

I get as much 'running around' and 'business' stuff and errands done as I possible can like grocery shopping, clothes, and stuff. This allows me to be TOTALLY with my boys when they are here.

I joined a gym that has a 'daycare' attached to it that my boys really like going to. This way, I can still workout when I have them with me. And even better, they like going so much, that it helps me to go, because they are always asking, often as soon as I pick them up, "Are we going to the gym tonight?" I used to workout before and early in my marriage, but pressures from my wife sort of backdoored that and I ended up stopping.

I guess what I am trying to say, is that there are alot of things available that you might not have done as a married/family man in a whole family. But now that we are cast into this situation, you can either make the best of it, or allow yourself to become self absorbed and pitiful.

The choice is yours.

<small>[ November 13, 2002, 10:13 PM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

Wild Horse, your post really hit home with me. My H just filed for divorce (left the attorney's office for a meeting with his new love - at the Holiday Inn), I've seen my attorney and slowly I'm coming to terms with the fact that this WILL happen. I have wondered the same things you are now...how does life proceed from this point. Is it going to be unbearably lonely? I'm a cheerful people person, still can't figure out what I did that was so wrong my husband had multiple affairs, and so I think no one will probably ever bother with me again. I think I will need your example to help lead the way for me. I'll be following up on you to see how you're doing. Actually, the posts from the other folks are great and deserve attention. Let me know how it goes - you CAN do it!!

My H and I did so many things together. That was never the problem 90% of problems stemmed from drug and alcohol use. So all the things I used to enjoy, I cant by myself either. Its no fun driving and taking a long romantic walk without the person you love and I cant go canoeing by myself either, only he still gets to do them with someone else, no skipping a beat and no look back.

I have been going to al-anon (tonite) and I have plenty to do since Ive had to babysit and alcoholic for 26 years now. I have time to clean the house and do things for myself. Renew old friendships that my H alienated me from.

I am also a full time floral designer and this is the busiest time of the year for me and I run a small business out of my home so all the extra time wont hit me until Jan 1.

My brother is sending me and 2 kids tickets to come to colorado for week after Christmas and he will be visiting me for thanksgiving. We were always close and he feels out of sorts with me being so far away when I need support

Let us know what you found to keep you busy.