Is it possible for a grandmother to "take" a child from its mother? By that I mean, could she turn the child against its mother? I'm only asking this because I think it might be happening to me.<P>I appreciate your help in this matter.<P>Miaka

Happens all too frequently. In my line of work I see one or two of those cases each month.

children look up to their grandparents. it could happen withthem just as easily as it could happen with any other influential adult in their life. <P>cleo

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Karenna:<BR><B>Happens all too frequently. In my line of work I see one or two of those cases each month.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi, Karenna. May I ask exactly what you do? So what are the kids like that you see? Do they hate their mother? Do they speak to them? I'm only asking because since (unfortunately) my husband's mother is our babysitter (she blackmailed us through her husband that if we didn't let them watch our son, they would kick us out of their house), my son has been giving me a <B>real</B> hard time every time I come from work to see him. He's throwing fits and doesn't want to come with me. His mother had the nerve to tell me that I should let him play downstairs with them more. Isn't that weird? I think she might be doing this to me because when me and Tama got married, she thought I took her son from her. Now she's trying to take mine and Tama from me.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cleopatra:<BR><B>children look up to their grandparents. it could happen withthem just as easily as it could happen with any other influential adult in their life. <P>cleo</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi cleopatra. That's exactly what I was afraid of. Tama's mother is abusing her position as a grandmother to try and turn my son against me (see reply to Karenna). I think she's sick in her head. She has her husband, but she's holding on for dear life to Tama and my son.<P>

Is it possible to move? Maybe someplace small or rent a basement is someone's house. It might not be a nice as where you are now but it would take you out of the inlaws house. Also, how old is your son? Is there a state sponsored preschool close to you? In Georgia, we have a state sponsored pre-k that is free. Are there any alternatives to the MIL as a babysitter?<P>cleo

Miaka,<P>Look at my profile and you will see that I am a family law attorney so most of what I see is in the context of child custody disputes. Grandparents, especially those paying legal fees, are often as nasty as acrimonious parents.<P>Move out of her house. Get a cheap apartment, mobile home, rent a motel room, whatever you have to do to get some family privacy. This blackmail situation is a deal breaker. <P>Has your H "cut the apron strings" at all? Is he more bonded to his mother than to you and his son? How old is your son? Maybe you should just take him to a different day care provider, or quit work and take care of him yourself. Let granny go through the legal channels to do a formal eviction. I wonder what a judge would say about her grounds! <P>This is a sick and destructive situation. You need help so I suggest a family counselor, but if you could afford that you wouldn't be living in grandmother's house!<P>Good luck!

cleopatra:<P>Hello.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Is it possible to move?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It is, that's what I'm working on right now.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Also, how old is your son?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>He's 2 and 1/2.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Is there a state sponsored preschool close to you?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I have no idea, but I do know that most places won't take him because he's not toilet-trained yet.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Are there any alternatives to the MIL as a babysitter?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>If it wasn't for my friend's mom getting sick, he would still be at her house today. He responded a lot better to me when he was with her than where he is now.<P>Karenna:<P>Hello.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Move out of her house. Get a cheap apartment, mobile home, rent a motel room, whatever you have to do to get some family privacy.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That's exactly what I'm trying to do.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Has your H "cut the apron strings" at all?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Is he more bonded to his mother than to you and his son?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes, his mother is right and I'm wrong....always, no matter if she did it or not.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Maybe you should just take him to a different day care provider, or quit work and take care of him yourself.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>If I quit work, me and my son would starve. Tama thinks it's cool to be working at Best Buy. As far as he's concerned, he's going to work there for the rest of his life because that's what he wants to do and that's where his friends are.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>This is a sick and destructive situation. You need help so I suggest a family counselor, but if you could afford that you wouldn't be living in grandmother's house!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Exactly.

Then quit work. If you starve, it won't be because of you. Granny might have a conscience and help with food. See about a soup kitchen or self-help programs you can work in with your son to earn the food you can take home. Contact churches in your area. Some will help anyone in real need who demonstrates sincere desire to help themselves. You qualify.<P>Never leave your son alone with his grandmother again. Do you have computer w/internet access at home? You can work at home. There are jobs you may have to hustle for that you can do as an independent contractor. <P>Some people even shop garage sales and flea markets on weekends and make a handsome profit from Ebay trading.<P>Even without a home computer, there are many ways to earn money at home. Find the resources you need and go for it. You won't starve, and you will have a son.<P>Cut granny off from your baby now. If your H doesn't like it, too bad. Kids come first in some situations. Maybe others will disagree with me, but what alternatives do you see? The status quo has you losing your H and child both, bit by bit. When you want a different result, you have to start doing something different. <P>Go read the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000588.html" TARGET=_blank>Boundaries..... (SueB)</A> thread for ideas on setting up evolving conditions on your own to improve the environment in your marriage.<P>Insanity is when you do the same thing, over and over, expecting a different result.<p>[This message has been edited by Karenna (edited October 18, 2000).]

just another job idea - How about working in a day care center where your son can stay during the day and you will still be able to see him during the day. These places take children who are not potty trained and are always looking for help. They tend to have a high turnover rate. Church day cares usually will take children that are not potty trained. Let us know.<P>cleo

Karenna & cleopatra:<P>Give me your e-mail addresses and I will tell you why I can't quit my job. Maybe then you will understand what I'm trying to do.<P>Mine's is starocean_2@hotmail.com.<P>

Karenna:<P>Check your e-mail.