My H of 10 years just informed me he wants a divorce. We have two children 10 and 3. I am a stay at home mom, and I am scared and heartbroken and feel like I am going to die. I don't know what to do. He told our daughter tonight and my 3 year old knows something is up. He walked out the door with all of us crying.

His reason for divorce is he his tired of me getting agry at him and yelling at him all the time.

I will leave it at that and you can then ask me why I yell and get agry at him all the time.

I am such a wreck I cannot stop throwing up, infact it is just dry heaves becase I havent eaten anything in 3 days.

I don't know what to do...........

<small>[ November 14, 2002, 01:47 AM: Message edited by: camjon ]</small>

Hello cam~~Though I'm not in the same situation I can identify w/ the pain and sickness, as I went through it only 3 weeks ago. I have only been married a little over a year and 1/2, no children--so a little less invested than you, but I did go through the sick and crying stage. UGH! I will uplift you and your entire family in my prayers to God. I am sorry for what you are going through. Do not be afraid. God did not give us the Spirit of fear. He will provide. I will watch as you post and see when you want to reveal more details about your situation. RE: why you yell at him all the time. Yelling is not good, no matter what is going on. As I was sifting through some Scriptures on some Bible Software that I have I came across a very appropriate Scripture for myself (unfortunately) and I will share it w/you--I don't think that I'll be able to find the same translation (I'm at work, software at home) but I'll try to give you the gist of it--> Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife...I thought that was very deep. Are you still in love w/your husband? Do you want to reconcile your marriage? Would he want to reconcile if you changed the way you spoke to him or is there more beneath the surface here? I hope you do not mind my input or questions. I will pray for your situation! God Bless You!! Min

(((((((camjon))))))

First off, WELCOME to our little corner of the world and I'm sorry that you are here. There are a lot of great people here that understand just about every issue out there because they have lived through it. There is also some great advise out here about how to HELP the children deal with the situation, again because we've been through it.

So OK, I'll bite......

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by camjon:
<strong>I will leave it at that and you can then ask me why I yell and get agry at him all the time.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why do you choose to yell and get angry with him all the time?

Hugs, Thougths, & Prayers

I've been there. My husband told everyone I was the Angry person. I've since learned that Anger comes from Frustration. And I now realize the frustrations I dealt with. I've read quite a few books to understand this.
The book that helped me understand best was "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. It was an eyeopener. It really described my marriage. And it shows how to deal with certain actions.
I've also read "The Dance of Anger".
I highly suggest these two books, but also suggest individual counseling (IC). My IC was the one who helped me understand my anger, and explain that it was situational, and showed me how to change my responses.
A great deal of my problems stemmed from my H's conflict avoidance, which led to his lies rather than try to resolve things.
I hope this has been helpful to you. I strongly suggest you speak to your doctor about anti-depressants (ADs) to get you through this difficult period, you'll need them.
Reach out and talk to people, find a local support group, and take care of yourself - which will help you take care of your children.

Many people project their anger onto others. Depression is Anger turned Inward, and I realize now that a great deal of the anger was projected onto me by my H.

God Bless you and your family throughout this process. I pray now more than I ever have in my life, and know that God is watching over my family to help us all through this time.

Thank you all for responding. I thought I wouldn't make it through the night. I was so sick and couldn't stop crying.

I have alot of hurt and anger. I have been to this site in the past two years. Two years ago my h was going through going out 3nights a week with the guys, not telling me where he has been, lying, then I get a letter from somone saying he was cheating on me, he totally denies, there were no names so the situation was never resolved, I told him that he is going to have to rebuild my trust again. Well he kept lying, I caught him in lies big ones. Sneaking around, saying he is doing something for me but I never see anything and when I question him he just walks out then I get mad because he always walks away and has no excuse. I have been lied to over and over again by him.

I hurt badd.

camjon -
Welcome to MB! This site will be very helpful for you, although there are many ways to try and lessen the pain besides MB. I know exactly what you are feeling as many of us do...

I am near your age, no children but have been married 1 1/2 years, the whole time my WH has been having (or had) an A with his co-worker, (which he insists is over but they still work together so I'm doubtful) I found out close to 3 months ago and up until recently, was experiencing everything you have emotionally and physically: the sickness, dry-heaves, not eating, feeling depressed...etc, the only time I felt good was when I was asleep. I agree it is the worst feeling that anyone can ever experience and must be worse with children to take care of, but let me tell you what has helped me during this most painful process and it may help you?

If you are a stay-at-home mom, is there any family or friend's home you can go to with the kids and stay awhile? I know how hard it is to be in your own home, because its filled with ghosts of memories w/ your H, so is there a way for you to go stay somewhere else for awhile? You really must surround yourself with support, like friends, family, a counselor and the church, if you're affiliated with one, pray and put your situation in God's hands because I've learned that none of us have any control over another's emotions (and that really hurts, not having that control). Pray hard, God is there for you.

I know how you hurt and its okay to be angry and cry and you will experience so many emotions! But you must try to stay healthy too. This was the hardest part for me because the pain at times is unbearable, but one day you will awaken and find that you are so much of a better person and perhaps your heart is too big for this man? I hope in my situation as in yours and all others, that the WS comes out of the "fog" and chooses reconciliation and it may be too early to tell at this point? But you must not be alone during this fragile time, find a way not to be alone if you can, go somewhere else or go be with your family and clear your mind. There are no guarantees but at least it may help you to calm down and begin eating again and feeling a bit better, good luck.

Camjon,

My first thought upon reading your letters, is that you really need a counselor right now ASAP... whether it is a pastor or Godly friend or professional counselor. Go talk to someone! Do not be afraid to reach out. Call your church or if you do not go to one, look in the phone book and call a church to ask about counseling because churches will provide that at no cost. Ask for prayer.

I think one of the worst things about divorce, is the aloneless and fear. It is almost unbearable. Would you mind me asking what city & state you live in? I can use the internet and look for you to help you find some resources (counseling, prayer, support) to help you through this so that you don't have to worry about that. Please let me know and I will look for you. I am not working right now and have the time and resources to do that so please let me help in that way.

Peace be with you!

Lord, help this woman. Give her peace and strength. Wrap your loving arms around her and keep her safe. Lord, keep Satan far from her for he wants to destroy her and her family. Bring to her people who can love her, comfort her, and uplift her. Give her rest. Give her wisdom to know what to do.

Camjon, relationships are never one-sided. There are many dynamics and things that both people have done. Try not to focus on your failings or his failings right now. Do not beat yourself up and also do not beat him up either. Allow God to take care of him & his sin... and also accept God's forgiveness for your own failings (yelling, etc). There is nothing either of you have done that is not common to man! God is greater than your sin. Receive his forgiveness and repent so that you can also change and receive His strength to help you to not yell EVEN though you have just cause to be! God has a better way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Go to God and pour out your hurt to him. Do not lose hope. If your husband has truly lied, God will deal with that. Pray for wisdom. God wants to do a good work in both of your lives and in your marriage! It is not over by any means!!

Again, please let me know where you are located so I can help you if you would like help finding resources to help you if you do not currently have that.