I copied this from reply I put to Jlove but it summarizes my miserable little life pretty well.
My H began affair with coworker of all of ours. He still denies it. I went thru the worst kind of turmoil & pain & abandonment & betrayal last year. He filed last November '01. Was hanging around for small things like paperwork or working on car on weekends. He did not even have plan to move out until I asked what was he thinking. So he
moved out. . .it lasted about 6 weeks thru the Holidays. By the end of January he was asking himself questions out loud. he would say often "I dont want to fight". Our state is "no fault" & we dont have kids. So it was just division of assets. He was going to sign house over to me. But I hesitated in signing trying to delay, convinced he would be
back. We had 60 days before it would go before judge if not signed by then. On the 59th day, he filed for dismissal & came back home. But I found him with OW twice that first week or so. AFter only 3 days of being together, shopping, bedroom, etc. He started sleeping on floor of other room & yelling at me again. He told me "I can always
refile, it will only cost me $800" many times.
I believe now that he may have only come back to get me to file against him so he could blame ME; OR get me to sell the house. I did neither. But it has been a very painful 10 months more and I have been thru so much. He says "we were over a long time ago. . . . .ohwell, it just didn't work out ( I HATE this one!!) . .. we're just not
compatible" etc etc. He adamently denies everything though I saw his truck at her place SO MANY times, saw receipts of things he bought, an email/yahoo messenger, phone calls etc. And what he doesnt know is that OW's now ex-husband called ME after christmas last year & filled in a few details!!!
I went thru surgery & 6 weeks recovery with him not around except to come home at 11pm & sleep on floor. He did bring me to Hospital & home again & was there in between but argued with me alot over money & stupid stuff as soon as I was out of surgery. He had been so kind to me the days prior. (Cancer was a possibility until they
opened me up). Thankfully, it was not cancer, only endometriosis. So he went back to his old ways. We never did anything together for almost 2 yrs now! He griped about me going back to work all thru my 6 week recovery. As soon as I did, he searched for apartment & moved out last month. He is filing again. The papers will be ready next
week. AARGH. All this is so rotten.
I can see you not signing til the last minute to try & stall things, and you have every right. Mine fought this yr with me over my hiring attorney last time saying I must have been going to fight him & he could "throw me out on the street". Well, I own house too & know otherwise. Mine still waffles back-n-forth so much. Mid life crisis & depression thrown into the mix. He went out & bought motorcycle. Well, he's in his early 40's/ no longer 20 & in college!! But some days he would look so sad & lost, I wanted to cry. I begged & pleaded & turned mysellf inside out trying to please him, but he would tell me my tears were "crocodile tears" & that I was manipulative etc. Still,
he has refused to give me his address. He has not signed up for phone service - has only a cell phone. I have that #, but always get his voice mail. He said its cause I would be "spying on him". I told him if he were doing nothing wrong, he would have nothing to worry about. I am 100% confident that OW must be over there often, wherever it is.
I know how tough it is not to grab onto him during those times he is feeling guilty & acting nice. Is he at a point in his life where he feels its not what he thought it would
be? Wanting to relive his college days? That seems to be why so many of us find ourselves here!!
I would feel like I needed to reiterate the fact to him that - I don't want the divorce - but I know that is what you want and I am not fighting you on it - but that this is an end to our marriage and understandably upsetting and I need time to work through all these emotions - kind of a thing.
I still dont want mine either & keep thinking that my H will eventually realize his mistake & want to come back. But too much time has past without any effort to earn my trust or work on the marriage by now. Plus he refused to promise me that he'd never contact OW. Said he'll do what he wants, when he wants & I cant tell him what to do. (this over the last 2 yrs almost.). The last few months have sadly been quiet. A standstill. He wants it & is happy knowing I have no resistance left in me & will sign the papers & he'll be free. He is signing the house over to me and has not taken any of the stereo stuff or nothing. What kills me is when he's at the house telling me he has no
clock radio/stereo etc & asking me so softly & quietly if he can take some item with him - something that was his to begin with. It still makes me want to cry. I am still very raw inside. If only. . . .if only. . . if only . . .. This is what kills us. But I have been thru enough & almost everyone thought I should file against him. I couldnt do it. So
I have to sign, for my own mental health. But there are still nights I smell his pillow that remains & cry myself to sleep wishing he were here. Both our parents are deceased. We did not have any children - so now Im screwed. I had an ovary removed in that surgery & am 38 yrs old. Neither of us had relationships prior to our marriage.
(virgins etc). We knew each other for 5 years & this yr was our 10th ANniversary. We used to be each others everything.
My H told me once "People get remarried all the time". I asked him why get divorced then?!! No response. I am so pathetic I wait expectantly for the few minutes he'll be in the house (to sort out documents). He always asks me how things are going, if the house & car are ok, if I am okay for money etc. It kills me that "Divorce" is so casual
for him now.
CLG (used to be "cantletgo" on here).
Thought I was letting go for a while, but haven't been able to.
