Hi, my marriage is looking like it's heading
toward a divorce. I've never been involved with one before and don't know anybody that has been through one. What is the process in doing this.
I assume I have to get a lawyer, or do I? How expensive is this process, the legal issues I mean? Does it matter who files or not?
How do you cope? I've been with the same women for 7 years, never been with anybody else.
Not looking forward to this. I guess nobody would...

Married 4 years,
Lived with, 3 years.

Hi Unhappy Guy
Sorry you're here. I hope you've read all the material available on this site. It's a lot to assimilate and will help you make a plan, whether that is to try to restore your marriage or not. The majority of us on these boards are hoping for restoration but that isn't always possible.

Divorce laws differ from state to state. If you need divorce information I would recommend visiting these sites first:
Divorce Source and Divorce Net and Divorce Info . They have specific info for each state. Read them before visiting a lawyer. That way, if you do decide to pursue divorce, you will be prepared with background info and not spend more time (and money) at the lawyer's office.

Sometimes it DOES matter who files, sometimes it DOES matter who stays in the house, etc...it depends on your situation (and I don't know about yours). So do some homework first. Good Luck!

<small>[ November 16, 2002, 04:54 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

U Guy - sometimes it matters who files first. In my situation it made a difference. Also, did your wife had an affair. That will make a difference in the settlement, more towards you. But then, yours is a short term marriage. I was married for 24 years, next month will be 25 years, and we are going through a divorce which should be final in January.

Anyways, I would look at the site provided to you and check around for a good lawyer. If you 2 don't have many assets, or children, it should be quite easy. Also, if you don't have any underage children, the divorce can be settled quite quickly.

Has your wife been hording money on you is another problem. You have to find evidence, and that can be difficult too. My husband was taking money from us, and giving it to his OW to use for the expensive phone bills the two of them accumulated during their affair. She gave the son and dance that she didn't work, didn't have money, but didn't mind spending my hard earned money on herself. And husband didn't mind taking my money to give to her.

Also, if there are any debts, you will have to look into that. And there is the insurance policies, safe deposit box, vehicles, who name is on the vehicles, and who is responsible for the payment. Also, the income you bring in and the income your wife brings in if she works is another factor.

Also, when the issue of the house comes up, this will all be helpful in discussing who gets the house.

Lawyers are expensive, and my walkaway husband has procrastinated with discovery, which is putting on paper all assets of any kind. My Husband has an order by the judge, he has had 2 1/2 months to do this, and he told me yesterday, that his lawyer got on him about getting this stuff done. This is costing me money, which we are placing on Husband to pay.

Of course if your wife is just lost it, that is going to be hard to deal with. Also, pets, I am left with all the animals, and I enjoy them, and I would not leave them with my husband, cause they would not be taken care of properly, so I have them, and I have requested that my Husband pay for their medical needs, and food.

So much to do, it is harder than getting married. You both start from scratch, but when you are together, you brought everything both of you had into one, and then try to split it up is hard. I know, I am having a hard time boxing things up for my husband.

He wants a divorce, and talks MLC talk, so that is it for me. I quit, and am just doing what my lawyer says. Husband still bashes me verbally for my lawyer, but this is what he wants, and seems if this is what he wants he would be working full force on getting the paperwork done.

Sorry, for the pain you are experiencing. This is difficult, and you will never forget this pain. It is worse than someone dying. We are here for you, and read the sites.

Good luck, and keep a smile on your face, whenever you think about it. You are a good man, a good person, God made you, and look at yourself as not the one leaving a christian marriage. Look at your wife has having her self mixed up. But give yourself a pat on the back, and say you are a good person. (((Pat, Pat, Pat,))))