Well, with all our in-law problems, we atleast can learn from it. It gives us far more insight into what we want to be for our children's marriages.
I am not raising my children to live for me and I want them to be tied to their spouses-w/o apron strings to me. For some reason, mothers seem to have a tougher time letting go of their sons. I want no mama's boy's for sons!
Now, on a lighter note.
Here are my top 5 tackiest mil stunt's so far:

#5 mil encourages h to date hairdresser while I am six mos pregnant!

#4 mil provides car, townhouse and money for H and threatens him with his future with the company-all he needs to do is divorce me( he comes back eventually)

Above by ex mil. below by current in laws

#3 First week we are married(I am still moving in) new mil comes for 2 week visit and brings the ex wife.

#2 Next visit, everytime my husband is out of the room, mil talks about how good h was to ex w and how much he had loved her

AND THE #! TACKIEST, RUDEST, CRUELIST STUNT IS TO DATE.......Two days after my mother dies suddenly, MIL INSISTED H FILE FOR DIVORCE(W/O EVEN REMARKING ABOUT MY MOTHERS DEATH)

There you have it. I am past the hurt of these things and only find humor in some of them as I wonder if my in-laws are human or cattle!

Anyone else have tacky in law stories to top these? I love a good sense of humor. Come on and share-

Ezra,
You should be recommended for sainthood! I don't see HOW anyone else can come close to your top 5 list!

before A, inlaws lived 2 miles away, didnt come over to our house but on our son birthday. X had to make them come to see their grandchild. what seem like the perfect grandparents to outsiders was just a front. son didnt want to go to their house. Children know when someone doesnt like them. They did nothing but brag about X-sister 2 kids to our son. After A & D, havent heard a word from them, they did change their phone number so their grandchild couldnt call them. Took OW kids camping, never ask our son to do anything with them in 13 yrs. they knew about A, small town, son was caught with MOW while working as cop. They were mad at me for not lying about A. told people the truth when they ask why we were getting D. Im now hearing that X while working on our m had MOW at his parents house. X told our son that his parents didnt like me because I didnt make enough money. OW is a nurse, I was a homemaker. X-parents had been trying to break us up since 1st M. I was older & had been M before with a son. X grandfather had A & D, x-mother told me she knew her H had women you just keep it quiet. They wanted people to think I just D their son & he fell in love with this MOW. Its like they D our child, X hasnt phone, email, or wrote son since 5-01. got joint custody but would only see him on Sun. for a few hours. Last time our son saw his dad he wouldnt talk or look at him. son is saying he hates dad & OW. town knows what really happened, x got nothing more than another mans high priced whore.

m-17yrs. 9 mths, 12 days
d-5-02
c-13,29, 8 gd
x-43, me-48

mow-32
c-3 under 10
m-10yrs
d-7-02

Avondale25, Thank you-I thought I was just a moran!
My family, Does it ever make you wonder where they got their morals?
If I had any advice for someone who is not married but wants to be, I'd say-get to understand the parents of all prospects before you fall deeply in love. And one thing is a myth-A man that treats his mother respectfully will treat a wife respectfully. This is not always the case! He may just be a mama's boy!
Actually, your son may be better off without them as role models and if they are cold-you're right, he'd pick up on it.
Sometime you may marry someone who has good morals. There are some still out there(I think)
It's a little comforting to know that I am not the only woman with rude in laws. We will survive!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As far as I can say, you have to divorce them also. Blood is far more thicker than water. They knew he had pushed me down before. Knew I had been hurting from his affairs and still they want to believe something must be wrong with me to "push" their beloved son to behave in such a way. Pure fog. But they have their own infidelity fog to deal with too. Just glad I don't have to wake up in the morning knowing I've spent over a quarter of a century with a man who totally disrespected me in private while pretending to be someone else in public.

And apples don't fall too far from trees. They have supposedly even helped him with offering money to help him with our settlement agreement. He is a non repentant man, my stbx. And I have a better word for those parents who support the negative actions of their children, especially when it is harmful or morally wrong--they are ENABLERS.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NotPeachy.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> your right on couldn't have put it any better...Wow I've heard alot of the same words come out of my inlaws mouths what did "You" Do to make him upset?!
I would never want to live in there shoes they might seem all Happy and in Love but something is wrong,how could they have raised a son like this!?
He's a Mommy's and Daddy's Boy,he's not sorry either..wow this is scary <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Depends on the state of the heart of the IL's I think. Mine claim to be Christians but are instead masters of denial, blame, and enabling.

Mine even do Marriage counsling for there church..and they did our pre-marriage classes.
They did an awful job though...I would not consider them True Christians...although I shouldn't judge, but there fruit is rotten~and as far as i'm conserened there sticking up for evil,what there son has done is not in the best interest of our family.Even though they think we need to give up.

And if the parents, the IL's don't enable, I think reconciliation is much more possible. Lost cause here probably.

Same here.....the day WS hits bottom i'll fall over in shock cause I don't beleive he ever will.They always help him rise above his mess.

Boy,
I am in the same boat. Though I loved and supported their son through 25 years of fiascos--and raised his kids, and supported his career---my inlaws fully support their son in his devastation of his kids and wife.

Interesting...she came here for my oldest daughter's graduation in May. Spent a lot of time at my house. Then she saw him in his true colors. She even left the area a week early to go home because she couldn't stand his behavior. I haven't heard a word from her since. She and her husband fully support my ex--even tho he has been a complete a**. Amazingly, the year he retired from the military, she made a huge scrapbook for him and in it she highlighted all the love and support I had given him. Totally amazing.

My MIL is now trying to re-establish a relationship with all of my kids-through cards and emails. She never calls to see how we are doing. She never mentions me or writes to me. At graduation, she hugged me and said she hoped that we had been friends for 25 years and she hoped that we could continue our relationship. But she hasn't followed through. She doesn't call, she doesn't want to hear the truth...she doesn't want to know what he has done to us. She just wants "Jimmy" to be happy.....oh...my heart is breaking.

She wrote to one of my kids last year that "wow wasn't it neat that she got to have 2 Christmases...how sick is that"

She is in complete denial...and stands behind him no matter what. Jim's father has always been a self-centered, angry man. He also supports what his son has done.

According to one of my exH's brothers--they are sad that they don't get to hear from the kids like they used to. What a joke...I have never interferred with them calling here. They never have. How sad is that? Oh well--it hurts tho. Pat

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But my ex-husband kept minimizing and lying all the way through, and they kept falling for it. No parent wants to believe bad things about their child. Even highly intelligent ones, like my inlaws, who always liked me and continued to throughout this ordeal (and even post divorce), kept falling for this.

Second, parents that tolerate infidelity in their children are telling you alot about their style of parenting and their own values. There really is only one acceptable way for a parent to deal with infidelity in their child, especially when there are children involved. They have to take a direct stand about it being wrong, and not tolerate it. Parents that know about the infidelity and choose to deal with it in any other way, are frankly, weak parents and are unlikely to ever be helpful to the betrayed spouse. Parenting is not about being friends with children when they do bad. The element of setting boundaries and enforcing them, while still showing caring, is critical. It is hard to be a great parent. Not coincidentally, children that come from parents that don't take stands and enforce limits, have the same problems about boundaries and fall into affairs to begin with.

Unfortunately, I view your situation with his family as something beyond your ability to work. I think you're best letting go of all of them and focusing on giving your children the best life you can. If the inlaws choose to engage themselves later, you can welcome them in. But it's their choice, and ultimately their loss, if they don't. It's best in life to focus on the things you can control and to do your best with them.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Distressed

Thank you for your Wise advice......

day by day
What a sad story,I will never keep our son away from his family,I just Hope they come around sometime to visit.Instead of going on Cruises and vacations.
I live in G.R not to far from the Lake .

ezra

Ohhhh MY GOSH HOW AWFUL,your story tops anything i've heard!!!!!!

myfamily avondale25 miserynmissouri

Thank you for sharing your stories...keep posting I wonder what the holidays will bring.Will IL grandparents write call anything....only time will tell.If they care it will show.

BBMBF, I'm in GR too! We should get together if you want. I know I'm older than you but we can still support each other. I'm on the North side in Plainfield twshp. Let me know, I'll give you my e-mail if you want. DBD

For the in laws that were decent and are now distant, maybe they are so embassassed that they don't even know what to say. Or maybe they feel that there dil does not want them in her life anymore.
I don't know. Just trying to figure out what NOT to do in the future as an in law as two of my daughters are getting married this winter.
After the in law experiences I have had-I will be very careful! I don't want to hurt my kids spouses or their marriages!

Day by day

Ohh that would be wonderful...I live in Kentwood...my older sis lives out that way.Wow it's a small world <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

my email is maryslittleangels@yahoo.com

I can only say, that I will SUPPORT my sons til the day I die. Whether they are right or wrong. I will certainly let them know when I think they are messing up, but that will be just between us. To the outside, I will support and love them always.

Are you going to be any different with your son?

Many times, in situations such as these the parents get caught in the middle and don't know what to do. If they extend too much to the in-law or grandchildren, their CHILD feels like the parents are "choosing sides." In some situations, grandparents might feel that the relationship with the grandchildren would be more trouble, harm than it is worth. They may even feel that stepping back is best for the grandchildren. I have seen it where there is so much animosity that a relationship is not healthy for anyone.

Could it be that you are sitting back and waiting on them and they are sitting back waiting on you. That happens also.

Remember, this is an awkward situation for them. If you feel like it is a good idea for your son to maintain his relationship with them. Call and talk to them about it. But DON'T ASK THEM to or make them CHOOSE between you and your spouse. (their child).

They are parents first and foremost. Grandparents next, and in-laws last.

Here's my story with inlaws and them being not supportive at ALL

Inlaws would call quite often because they always wanted to know how we were doing.I told them WS left and wasn't coming home for days.

IL* Well maybe he just needs sometime to think,a break from all the fighting.

(at this time he would yell and scream at me for no reason,he was angry abusive)

I'm not fighting with him he yells at me,if I leave the room he fallows me gets up in my face"says you will listen to me don't you walk away!"

IL* Well it takes TWO ya know,what did you do to upset him!?

I asked him what time he was coming home!!

Then after I KNEW ABOUT THE AFFAIR HAD SOLID PROOF.I called them,I called everyone!!
Friends and Family

At first his parents were upset He's very confused right now,just stay there hang in there.
Mean while utilities were being shut off,he was taking her to all the high end hotels and resterants.

Then after two weeks they finally got ahold of there son...WHO TOLD THEM Marys' lieing we are only friends,i'm staying over at my buddies houses.

They now BELEIVE HIM.....And will not talk to me or there only grand baby.

The only person who calls(first time tonight) is the great grandparents....
And they echo the words IL say "THIS IS SAD,BUT IT TAKES TWO FOR A MARRIAGE TO FALL APART!"
They commented on how nice it was the OW(HIS FRIEND) Gave him her sports car.
I was about to vomit...

I will certainly let them know when I think they are messing up, but that will be just between us. To the outside, I will support and love them always.

I will always support and Love my son unconditionally..BUT,If he were to ever hit a women,abuse drugs,leave his family for Ow.I would not pretend to the World that he didn't have issue's.I would still Love him,but I would not enable him to keep on that path.

Make no mistake about it, my child would know I was disappointed in them. But I would not be out on the town telling everyone that wanted to listen how sorry he was. NEVER. I have told my boys numerous times in private that "I am disappointed in this or that, but I still love you."

When it comes to grown children, a parent is not enabling an affair by not discussing it to the world. If I rented him a shack palace, I would then be enabling. Maybe I am a very private person and don't believe in airing the dirty laundry.

You will learn this, and believe me it is HARD. As a mother of older children, sometimes you can do nothing except sit back and let them walk down the wrong path. It hurts because you can see the future and they cannot. I have not had to address anything too serious, but my standard phrase to my husband is, "It is a bad decision, etc. but there is nothing we can really do about it. He has to learn." But you know what - look back, we learn more from our mistakes than anything (and faster).

I am not saying that your in-laws are right or your husband is right. I think infidelity is about as bad as you can get. I was just hoping to give you a different perspective and something to think about from their side.

Please, if you want your son to have a relationship with them, encourage them but REFUSE to talk about your relationship with them and tell them that is off limits. Of course, they are going to be defensive and take up for their child. It is a human trait that all parents struggle with.

I want to pass along a phrase that has had a profound affect on me and helped me through the rough times with my children as well as other loved ones.

SOMETIMES THOSE THAT DESERVE LOVE THE LEAST NEED IT THE MOST.

That is so true. For me, that was one of those light bulb moments. I have followed Zorweb's latest crisis and everytime I read it, I think of that phrase. I know at times, it must be hard for them to feel any love for Jack, they may not know the phrase but they are practicing it. With all the bad, she and her husband are still trying to save him from himself.

I know how devasting the betrayal of a friend is.
It happened to my son (not married but had 2 years invested in the girl) and my mother when I was 18 or 19. It is the worst kind of infidelity. Please go through your bitter stage but don't stay there. It will destroy you.

BC

Is this my Mother in Law,If not you sure soundlike her!!
Chill out..I don't know why your saying i'm bitter.
I'm sorry you feel that way...i'm not judging you !!!!!I'm giving my opinion.
What I would do,no teenager is perfect my child will make mistakes. I will not go around gossiping about it.But I will not Pretend that there an Angel either!

Rest assured, I am not your mother-in-law. Anger and bitterness are parts of the process. I just thought I detected a little bitterness. My Bad. I didn't know I needed to "Chill Out", but if you feel that I do, I will. In fact, I will do one better and apologize for offending you.

Everything I posted was in an effort to help you, but I see it has had the opposite effect and I will drop it.

Good luck and best wishes for you and your son.

Betrayed,

When I posted to you about this being a spiritual battle and your husband being taken captive by Satan to do his wiil, you seem to believe this also.If you do then fight it in the spirit.

I told everyone what my husband and in laws had done to me. When I cried out to God to restore my marriage, He first made me look at my sins. None of us are without sin and sin is sin. We are not to say which sin is worse than the other. We are all sinners and struggle with our sins everyday. I know I do.I found I had a lot more sin in me than I had believed.I had to repent of so many things I had said about my husband and my in laws. I also learned that I had to look at my sin first and leave my husband's to God. We are saved by God's grace alone.

I like so many wanted to believe that what my husband had done or was doing to me was far worse than I had done to him. You know, I could not find anything to back this. We want to believe that adultry, drugs or abuse is far worse than anything else. I have not found scripture that supports this belief. We all have sinned and fell short of the glory of God.

TO fight this in the spirit look at what the bible says the friuts of the spirit are. If you are fighting it any other way then you are not fighting in the spirit. Look at what the bible says love is...then say you love someone. Love does not count wrongs. Boy, that is a hard one. God really convicted me on that one and still does sometimes.

I do not meant to affend you, I am telling you what God showed me. It was a hard leason for me to learn but, I am closier to the Lord because of it and my relationship with my in laws and my husband is much better. A lot of healing has taken place.I had to let it begin with me.When I started showing and giving love I got love in return. We can not look at what others are doing wrong, we have to look at what we are doing wrong. God is the only judge. No one can say your sin is worse than mine. Someone's sin my hurt you more but, we still cannot judge.I am just trying to speak God's truth as He has shown it to me and it has been a hard lesson.

I pray this will help you find peace.

gentle

<small>[ November 20, 2002, 12:43 AM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

These are 2 cities i wish i never have to visit again, yet these are the places i will never be able to forget. I grew up in VA, moved to kc after getting married. 3yrs in kc, came to visit parents, then thats when my stbx started having an affair with his bestfriend's gf in st.louis, he use to go see her every weekend, now the live together in kc, and the judge is making me fly back and forth so that H can have visitation with daughter. guess who's responsible for the tickets, me! my h makes 3x what i make. anyone got any advice on that. why am i responsible for this.

sorry posted in the wrong place.

Becontent,
You are more than likely very much like O.J. Simpsons mother or someone in his league.
I don't know who would want you for a mother in law, and as far as a mother-O.J. would probably appreciate someone with your value system and USE YOU.