I had written on another thread but I needed some advice. Here is my situation. I copied this from the other post.

Hi. I am new here. My H left 3 weeks ago. He says he is not happy. This is actually the third time that he has left since the end of July. The previous two times were for 2 nights. Back in Sept. I found out that he was talking to someone. I caught it very early on. They had only known one another for about a week. She lived 2 hours from us. He stayed gone for 2 nights and we agreed to work on our marriage. For about 8 weeks everything seemed to be going really good. The out of the blue, he wasn't happy anymore and left. We have a 17 month old son. I am really down because I want him to come home more than anything. Please pray for me and that God will restore our marriage.

I wrote him a letter and put it in a card along with a family picture that we had taken 6 days before he left. I asked him to please think about coming home. He said that he has thought about it but things will just be the same. I guess he is talking about on his part. He has told his family that I have done everthing that I can do.
I just dont know what to do from here except to pray. DO I try to continue contacting him? or leave him completely alone. I really want my family back. Please someone help me. Please PRAY for me and my son. Like I said he is very young but I am sure he senses something. Please pray that God will bring him back home to us.
I feel so hopeless and like a failure.

hurt,

I know your pain all too well. I thought I was going to die from the pain. I had no hope. No on gave me hope not even my Christian friends.

I cried out to god for His will for my marriage and to know His word. He sent me to this site.
www.restorem.org

I found my hope there. My divorce has been stopped and I know God did that. My relationship with my husband is good now and I know he will home in Gods time.

Don't contact your husnand any more, it will only push him further away. Lead on the Lord. I really recommend the above site if your are serious about restoring your marriage. It is not an easy road but one that will bring you closier to the Lord.

I will pray for you,

gentle

I agree with Gentle. Please do not contact your husband anymore and visit the site mentioned. I too have been given hope from this site. God will heal in His timing.

Gentle-please email me..morriggs@yahoo.com

((((((hurt620))))))))

I am so sorry for your pain.....

Please try to get a support system for yourself consisting of family, friends, a counselor or an al-non group, church group, priest or minister and of course God.

You are going through such emotion right now that it is probably hard to think straight. Try not to make any life changing decisions and just take each day ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Please read the info. on this site about Plan A and Plan B. You may want to print out the questionaires about EN's (emotional needs and love busters) and fill them out as if you were your husband. Remember that Plan A is about working on you and if you have questions, please feel free to ask.

Your husband is confused and is in what we call the fog and obviously isn't making sound rational good decisions.

However, YOU CANNOT CHANGE THIS - ONLY GOD CAN.

And although we want a flash of lightening to knock H off his horse like St. Paul, God usually works through humans and lets them face the consequences of their actions before any change is effected. This is only from my experience.

Continue to pray and work on yourself and your spiritual life and God will look after H.

Yes, it is a horrible thing that he is doing and doing to your child, but remember, that we all have free will and God respects our free will, so pray for his conversion but also pray that you have the strength to do God's will no matter what it may be.

Please take care of yourself and your child.

May God Bless you. K

Thanks for all your replys. Do I need to order the workbook or just the book?
I just dont understand how he can walk away from everything and go to nothing. How can it be that easy for him, or at least that is the way he makes it look to me.
How long does it usually take them to hit the bottom and realize what they have done is not right? Or do they ever?
He honestly just doesnt seem to care. He has been gone for 3 weeks today and has seen his son 4 times. He does not spend the night with him at all. He just gets him for a few hours at a time. I have heard that he has said that he doesnt get to spend a lot of time with him. That is not my choice- HE is the one that left. I have cried ALL day. I am tired of crying. I pray all day long. How do you know when God is talking to you?
How long were some of you seperated before your H started coming around? How did it happen? I am so confused.

hurt620-

You can print out the questionaires from this web site and basically read all the information that you'll need from this website too.

If you want to talk to Willard Harley - go the the radio link above and you can call in on his wife's radio show on Mons. and THurs. at 1pm CST.

Be prepared to be sad for A LONG TIME - months - at least 6 months. It can take years for the spouse to hit rock bottom and some never do.

There is NO RHYME OR REASON for H to act the way he does.

I mean who would not want to see their children?

But it does happen in these situations and what you have to do is to take care of YOURSELF while H is acting out like a child.

Don't try to make sense out of it. You can't. No one can.

But if you read the info. on this site you may get some answers that you need to make some informed decisions.

PLease hang in there. K

hurt,

If you can't afford both the book and workbook then start with the book. If you have the money for both , then order both it will save on shipping. You will have them in 3 days. You will
be very glad you did. The promises I found in
God's word (thru this book at Restore) gave me hope and helped with the intense pain I know you are going thru. The book will help you understand why your husband is confused. Confusion comes from Satan. He comes to kill, steal and destory our marriages. Please order the book as soon as possible. It helped and still is helping me so much.

gentle

<small>[ November 17, 2002, 11:56 PM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

When does the crying end? When will I be able to sleep all night and go one day without thinking about him every second. I know that there is no easy answer or everyone would do it but it feels like at times I am not going to make it through the day. I teach school and it is so hard to face those children, scared that I am going to cry in front of them. I just would like to see him hurt like he is making me hurt.

I, too, found Restore Ministries helpful. Your story sounds so much like mine. H and I said the same things to each other. I gave him pictures to remind him of what he had and encouraged him to come home, but his reply was always that nothing will change and he wasn't happy.

You do need to take this time to work on yourself. Try to lay your marriage at God's feet, and then focus on your relationship to God. One of the things I have found so helpful is reading through the Psalms, like today is the 18th, so you'd read Ps. 18, 48, 78, 108, 138 and Proverbs 18. God wants to change us so that when our spouses come home, we will be prepared. Also, pray for an opportunity for your H to see the changes in you when the time is right.

At this point, I think you should refrain from contacting your H, but when he contacts you for any reason, be pleasant without asking him to come back.

Hurt,

I feel your pain. I was the same way when my husband left. I knew I was going to die because no
one could hurt that much and not die.I could not even breathe. I am still her and breathing.
I know it is hard to go to work. I lost the job I had when I was served papers. I was so upset at work and no one understood. If a spouse dies no on exspects you to go to work or sell your home and move. You have a period to grieve. But when your spouse wants to divorce no one really wants to hear about it. Even the people getting a divorce didn't understand why I ws so upset. They were all glad to be getting a divorce. Us that have hurt like you are hurting now, know what it is like and will listen and encourage you.

I have promised God I would do all I could to help someone that is as hurt by divorce as I was. I do all I can to encourage them to wait on the Lord to restore their marriage. There is no quick fix but, if you put ALL your faith in the Lord, He will help you thru this pain.

I had one Christian friend that gave be hope and ecouraged me to believe in God's promises.I am so grateful for that or I may have died. I didn't find any real peace until God led me to the Restore Site. The book will help to comfort you because it is all about God's power in His word. The scriptures will come to life for you.

Please email me if you want, I will not grow tried of listening to or encouraging you, as long as YOU don't give up or in.

gentle

tpatter4@aol.com

Thank you all so much for your support. Some people have told me that it will probably hit him around Christmas time. I dont know. He seems to be enjoying himself right now. I just want my family. Is that too much to ask?

Jlove- DO you have children? Do you still have any contact with your H?

Gentle- Thank you. Your words of encouragement really help. It helps to hear from people that have been through this or that are going through the same thing. Sometimes I feel I am all alone.