It has almost been a week my H moved out. I have been emotionally driven and desparate to try to get him to talk to me. As a last resort I drove 1 hour to our cabin where he is living at 10:00pm when I drove up he was leaving and I stopped him and he rolled down the window and said to stop stalking him you psyco. He told me he was going out and to go home. My heart went numb and I told him that I loved him and he said go home I don't want to talk about this now.

I went home and got some advise from the friend he went out with who himself, a counselor, said he really doesn't know what my H is thinking, he said that his responses are too quick and he is rationally not thinking because I haven't given him time to. He told me that I need to not contact him or talk to him in any way because I have given him power, I have let him know that I am suffering and that gives him power over this whole situation.

I recently found out that he forged my signature on our tax returns and deposited the 13,000 check into our saving the same day I asked him about it and he said he hadn't recieved anything yet. Then the next day he took out 16,000 out of our checking and put in in another private account.

I don't know how do deal with not contacting him. I'm scared he will like being alone and relieved that he is not with me. But as his friend said everytime I contact him I push him away another day.

The hardest thing about all of this is he is making me feel like this is all my fault. I do admit that I have some part but all of this stemmed because of his lies and he doesn't want to explain himself to me. I have no right to be angry everytime he lies to me? I have never ever recieved any apologies for any of his lies, I always wind up apologising because I blow up at him and he clams up.
He has the kids this weekend and it has been hard without them.

I feel numb and helpless

CJ

Sounds like you need to take some legal action to PROTECT YOURSELF FINANCIALLY.

Yes, it is the hardest thing in the word to be REJECTED by the person who we vowed to be true to for the rest of our lives, and which person made that same vow.

But I have to tell you FROM EXPERIENCE. You need to protect yourself financially because it doesn't sound like he will one day wake up and say, Oh, I'm sorry I did those things, here's your money.

And if you can't do it for you, DO IT FOR THE KIDS, because he won't take care of them with that money either - NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS.

In some states you can file for a separation to protect yourself financially and even if you had to file for divorce - divorce is only dissolving the property agreement that you both made with the state - it's not like you are dissolving your marriage before God.

Sometimes tough love may be in order - you may want to read James Dobson's Love Must Be Tough, and if you find that you've already received this advice, really think about why that is.

And if you can't handle things emotionally right now, at least go to an al-anon group for 6 weeks minimum to build your strength.

Remind yourself that you are doing this for the children. They need to be taken care of.

And when they are older, do you really want them being treated the way you are being treated by your H? You are setting an example for them for years to come.

(((((((((((camjon))))))))))))

my heart breaks for you. I know you are in INCREDIBLE pain, but if you want to be released from that pain then you have t oprotect yourself emotionally and now finanically.

Just do it! Like the Nike commercial. Get a counselor, friends, family, church group, prayer, al-non, whatever you need. This is a growing experience for you too, and if H is acting irresponsibly like a child - do you really want a child making the decisions for your family?

I have just been there and done that and I don't want you to get hurt anymore than you already are.

My prayers are with you. K

In agreement with GIIC. My stbx is probably hiding $$$ too. I would say that is a sure sign that there is a pending divorce and more than likely, someone else. Rash decisions like this one are usually because someone else is involved. You need to get to your bank asap and freeze stuff and hire attorney asap. Also, you need to find out where those assets are transferred to. Were there direct deposits into another account??? Find this out. Quit focusing on him and worry about you and the kids. He is cheating probably on all three of you. The kids are innocent. They need protection and love from a responsible parent. You feel your world is swirling outta control but you are in control of that. Also, go see your family practice doc and see if anti depressants or anti anxiety meds are needed to help you really focus during all this stress plus the pending holidays.

Again forget about him for now. The issue is you and the precious kids. A divorce is a legal document that is like GIIC says, just divides property and things. Not marriages. God is only one who can dissolve it. So quit focusing on the now. Worry about the things you can control and that is the security of you and the kids.

We've got another foggy WS here folks. You need to implement plan A or B immediately. Focus on you. Work on you. Attack immediately this and work on those real areas, not the imagined ones your foggy spouse thinks you need to work on. Think of this time apart as a chance to grow into a more amazing woman.

Camjon - you have got to protect your money. When my husband and I were counseling with the Harleys here. That was the first thing they said to me. Get the money out of the bank. In my situation, my H had people write checks out to his name and he would cash the checks and send the money to his other woman. This is the beginning of a major upset in your family. I would suspect, that he has another person on the side. With the respect he is not giving, which all of us WS have received, you are in a vicous circle.

Your husband is doing damage to the whole family, and of course you are the recipient of the major damage. This is hard, and it will get harder.

I am divorcing, and my husband still bashes me with name calling, by my trigger points. I don't call him a name, just once a few days ago, but not hardly ever. I feel sorry for him, I pray for him and have him in prayer at the church I attend, and he doesn't attend. Of course, I am the one that forces the ugly name calling out of him, I am the one who triggers, I am the one who is always in the wrong. My husband does not see anything wrong with himself.

This is an example of where my life is at now. So be prepared, it may get really ugly, and it may not. I hope your husband comes to his senses soon. May God bless you and your family, and I will put you in prayer for Wed, night prayer session at church. I will pray for you tonight, I know this hurts hon, it really hurts. I am experiencing it every day of my life in the last 2 - 2 1/2 years.

Lord, help this woman, give her strength to see herself as not the one who is in the wrong. Help her to be the best mom to her children. Help her to smile to her children, help her in her state of depression. Lord, there is a reason for this situation, and only you know the answer. Please help her husband, he is in desperate need of your hand guiding him. Thank you Lord, for all that you have done. Amen.

H called tonight at 7:00 and asked if he could keep the kids. I was very upbeat and cheerful with him and said I thought we agreed you would bring them home tonight we have been expecting them. He said ok I will bring them over and with all the cheer and upbeat voice I said ok bye.

Was I wrong not to let him have them? The cabin is over 1 hour away from our home and my daughter has school in the morning.

this is the only time he has made any contact with me since he moved out with out me calling first. It has been so hard not to call and ask how the kids are doing.

Thank you for the prayers I really need them and our family needs them.

God bless you all
CJ

Camjon,
Good going! Thats a great first phone call! You didn't back down and weren't rude and didn't get personal.

His friend the counselor has good points.
Remember the way he will miss you is to be pleasant, hard to reach and rarely available.
Then the brain starts wondering..Whats she doing?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Whats she thinking??

Some other things you may try - you may want to read Divorcebusting or the latest book by Michelle Wiener Davis - The Divorce Remedy or there was somoeone on this board in the last week I think who offered to e-mail people the book Stop Your Divorce.

The more knowledge you have on what's going on the better able you'll be to react in the right way.

Still read all the info. on this site too and pretty soon you'll start to see some similar concepts and ideas that may help you.

K