I can not find anyone who will address this issue for my husband and me. <P>After 15 years of dealing with an emotionally disconnected husband who has premature issues, I finally gave up and had an affair. Now we are trying to rebuild our marriage but no matter how close we get, we know that our phsyical relationship does not work well. This leaves both of us frustrated. I feel very angry that my needs will never be met and very afraid that because he does not function sexually I will eventually feel the need to "supplement" again. <P>Everyone tells us this is an easy problem to fix, but after now 16 years of marriage it feels hopeless. I do not have the emotional strength to help him overcome his problem and he does not believe he can do it on his own. So we live in this state of being stuck... wanting to fix our marriage but no way to fix our physical intimacy problems. <P>Our counsellors also have this idea that if we fix everything else that will be fine, but I do not believe they are accurate. This has been an issue since day one of our marriage and it drives such a wedge between us that even if we are terribly close, as soon as we try to be physically intimate we end up very far away again. <P>Please... please.. help us!! We are on the verge of divorce now. He feels it is hopeless and so do I. He has finally given up believing he will ever be able to meet my needs and honestly after having a function sexual relationship I don't think I will ever be able to accept this again. I just spent so many years hurting in silence, but saying it was fine.. I loved him regarless of it all. <P>Where or how does one deal with an issue like this and resolve it to the satisfaction of both partners??? Can anyone help me??? I do not want to be a statistic just because this got the best of both of us. We do love eachother.. we just don't know how to fix this.<BR>Shebs<P>

If the main problem is premature ejaculation, there is a technique to work on this. One of the male posters wrote on this in the Emotional Needs forum a while back...try posting there.<P>

thank you kam.. I will try there.<BR>shebs

Dear Shebs, the more you focus on the sexual aspect of your marriage, the less that will be accomplished. You two can make love to one another without intercourse. Life is too precious to sell out a 16 yr old marriage, due to sexual dysfunction. For a man, the fear of not having the capabilities to perform sexually are huge, yet for a woman, (most women) it's the emotional attachment, so to speak, that is missing. Take the pressure off your H and allow him to feel comfortable making love to you in other ways and you do the same. <BR>Love is big enough to see you through this.<BR>Talk to you soon,<BR>Lynn<BR>

Psychlynn's advice is very sound, if you would like amplification on this, a very good book to read is David Schnarch's "Passionate Marriage", which really explains the emotional dynamics behind what are often thought of as purely sexual problems. But which aren't. Good luck, and hang in there- and I can't recommend "Passionate Marriage" too highly.<P>Best regards,<P>Jon

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JonMarsh:<BR><B>Psychlynn's advice is very sound, if you would like amplification on this, a very good book to read is David Schnarch's "Passionate Marriage", which really explains the emotional dynamics behind what are often thought of as purely sexual problems. But which aren't. Good luck, and hang in there- and I can't recommend "Passionate Marriage" too highly.<P>Best regards,<P>Jon</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Thank you Jon! ;-)<P>