And I knew he needed too, for both our sakes, after he came home on Tuesday and told me he had filed the paperwork with the attorney. It was hard to have him living downstairs. One day I would be pleading with him to reconsider, don't throw all those years away and the next I would be unleashing my anger at him for his selfishness and the (2nd) affair. Our 17 year old D was caught right in the middle, agonizing over which parent would it hurt less when she decides to go to live with one. The emotional strain of having him downstairs and knowing I should have no contact with him was killing me. I even invited him upstairs to watch TV or a movie with us. Even after the hell he has put me through and all the LIES, I couldn't bear to think of him all alone down there.
He had an aire of sadness about him tonight. I think the finality of his decision was hitting him. May it haunt him for a long time. I went downstairs to his bedroom and sat on the bed and hugged his pillow for a long time. But I didn't cry. I hurt, but not hysterically. I wish with all my heart it didn't have to be this way, but it is and I know I can go on. He has told me several times he will not consider staying married to me, so I know there is no chance of a reconciliation, and I'm angry to be so disposable. At 8:50 pm tonight he walked out the front door of our home.
Thanks for letting me....vent.

((((((((((((((broken x 3))))))))))))
The start of a new life and a new you. I cried reading this because I can tell it hurts deep down. And probably cuz my day is comming, as neither of us has filed at this point
I have a 16 yo D at home, but for her, there is no choice cuz of the way her Dad treats everyone.

I gotta get off, YS needs computer to finish a project....

God Bless,D.

I too add my hugs. (((((((((broken x3)))))))))))

Sometimes when we don't have the strength to do what needs to be done, GOd helps us out a bit.

Of course it hurts. But you will be able to work through the hurt and be able to rebuild a stronger and better person, not only for yourself but for your kids as well.

May God Bless You Today, K

Thanks you two, for understanding so well. What's that Reba McIntire song, "I guess the world ain't gonna stop for my broken heart??" Pretty accurate. Got up this morning, stumbled around a bit, got dressed, went to the health club and worked out for a while, but all the time all I wanted to be was home. Still I stuck it out. Now do a few things and go to work from 12 - 7. That will keep me somewhat busy. I won't have to be here when he gets the rest of his stuff in the U Haul. He keeps saying its been so bad, its been such hell....all our friends are in shock, they say that we were the last ones they'd expect this of. He was always so devoted and loving, we both were. And yet he believes himself to be in love with this OW soulmate and eventually they will be together. My mind just can't wrap around it. But one section of one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Thanks for your support.

Broken X 3 - I am so sorry - I want to tell you it gets better and you know sometimes it does and other days you are right back to feeling like crap - and you know I think that is ok - I think you should get a good therapist - And what everyone tells me to not blame myself - which I try to do but then I talk to him and he has himself so convinced that are marriage was so bad that he sometimes has me believing it - Everyone around me was also completely shocked and you know what as they well should be because I was completely shocked - But sometimes I feel ok - I mean really ok - but it still hurts - I feel discarded and just sort of thrown away - it tends to put one in a tailspin - but you can do it - it helps to read peoples stories that are like a year ahead of us - and they are better than ever - so their is hope - Good Luck....

Broken X:
"And yet he believes himself to be in love with this OW soulmate and eventually they will be together."

Reading this line really got to me....my H is in the exact same fog. He told me he wanted out a week ago, and has been talking to his lawyer.
His A has gone on since May with OW who is also getting a D.
OW lives 7 hours from us, so the evenutally get together part is accurate....eventually could be a long time.

I'm also pregnant now and due in May, so I'm hoping not to deal with the D or selling the house, etc. until after the baby is born, but he is quite determined.

I don't know what it takes to break them out of this fog...I guess sometimes they don't.

The thing I think about is that such a small percentage of marriages work out between people who came together as a result of an affair....less than 25% at least I believe.

Hang in there and take it a day at a time....I really feel for you!

I am so sorry for your pain. I wish that there was something other than time that could mend your heart. If there ever is anything that is found, it will be the best and worst thing that has ever happened to us all. The best because it will allow the pain to be lessened. The worst because it will make the meaning of the pain so much less.

I know the pain you feel. I felt it twice in the last year. But now I understand that although I wish it was different, that life does continue. I can make the best life that I can without the person that I wanted so much to make that life with. I will not be alone, although I have no design on anyone at the moment. But 11 months ago and 5 months ago I couldn't have said what I say now. All in all, I tell you the pain will lessen, although at this point nothing makes sense and you will not be able to see the better times. I know, because I thought I was so special, and that NO ONE could feel as bad as I did. But you know what, everyone here feels horrible. Otherwise we would all be out at the bars looking for Mr./Ms. Next, which is what our spouses did.

All I can say, is that as badly as I felt 5 months ago, when I literally didn't think that I would be able to physically make it up the stairs. Now I am able to run, laugh, smile and all in all be happy. Am I happy about my family's situation? Absolutely not. Am I happy about anything in my life? Yes, I have two wonderful boys, and if my wife never contributes anything else to this world, she has given me two of the greatest gifts that I could have ever asked for. My boys will continue on, and I am making it my goal in life to teach them better than I was taught. To make better choices. To understand more sooner. To love, but not only to love, but to choose to love every day with all their heart.

That is my goal. I am living the rest of my life. And not only for them, which is how I started almost a year ago. But for myself. A little more and more each day. I recognize that although my wife thought that I was not worth her time and energy. Not worth her love and respect. That I THINK SHE WAS WRONG !!!! And I will make myself worthy of some other woman's love. I will make someone proud to say that I am their husband. I will make them proud to say that they love me. I will make them proud to say that I am the father of their children. I will make them proud to say that I am their lover.

That is what I want. I want all the things from another that I used to think about my wife. I understand so much more now. I know that now, you will feel devastated. But let me tell you, and please at least hear if you can't currently believe, YOU will improve. You WILL engage. You WILL make it, no matter how hard it is to continue on. You will persevere.

I write these things not to tell you that I am doing and want. But to let you know that I have personal experience with what you are dealing with, as does most that might be reading these posts. We all have stories, and are at different stages in this process.

Take heart and take care. We are heren for you and for each other.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{broken}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I know how you're hurting. I will pray for you today and check back in later when I have more time. Gotta go to work. Be strong and do something JUST FOR YOURSELF today. Pamper yourself, you deserve it

I sat here reading the posts back to me with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. How wonderful to have people you've never met before out there cheering you on!! I'm only sorry it's because we are all going through different stages of the same misery...I have to say, I cried before I went to sleep last night, but for the first time in weeks I actually could dream again, and felt much better when I woke up this morning, more rested. MAW, I know what you mean when you say your H has himself so convinced that your marriage was bad, that you start believing it too!! They look at every little thing for years back and point at it, despite changes in your lives for the better, or circumstances that were beyond control back then. It's like to justify themselves they must rewrite history with their slant. FC, your statement that your W thought you weren't worthy of her time, energy, love or respect really hit home too. How many times I've heard with a sarcastic edge that I am a "saint" and "so pious", everyone feels sorry for me. I feel like screaming I'm no saint and you KNOW it!!! I just believed, and still do in "till death us do part". I told him he'll take my love with him to his grave....and that's true. He'll always have my love in some form. But you all are right, we ARE worthy of so much more. My counselor would say I'm in an "acceptance" mode right now, and being as I've battled with this issue since last January, it feels good to be here, however briefly. There will be much back sliding and second guessing as the D process continues, I'm sure. My teenage D and indeed my two older D's are of great importance to me. The younger one feels like she will betray one parent or the other and still hasn't cried about this, to my knowledge. For her sake I try to remain as civil and non critical as possible. The other two feel like they lost the Dad they always knew and loved, and feel a different kind of betrayal. The dad they knew was never all consumed with himself, to the point that no one else's happiness mattered. So I know, as all of you do, that it is an ongoing effort on many fronts, with your heart out there for the world to see. I'll be leaving for work shortly, just a temp little part time job I have. I've given up alot of good jobs over the years to follow him and support his career - now I'm scared for me. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers all of you - please know that you have mine. Hugs to all and an angel on your shoulders!!
patti