Hello-

Were do I start? I'm a 26 yr old male and have been marraied for 3 mounths now to a woman I have know for almost 9 yrs. For the past 2 mounths we have had lotts of problems. The main problem she feels is that I am a hurtful and emoutionally abusesive. She left me a long letter explaining that she was leaveing and that I am not to try to contact her. She says that I have fooled everyone into thinking I was good and have reverted back to old ways. (we have had problems in the past with the same issues).
I know that we have had some bad fights, I also admit to saying things that were not kind,like if she thinks she can do better then go find that person.
I have my faults in this but I know too that there are some things that I cant change. She has a very low self asteem and when she is down I dont do enought to bring her up. She goes to her Mom and sister about things I have done or said that upset her before she comes to me. This is my fault as well, she says ,because I never value her oppion.
She suggested talking to some one but will not go herself, She clams I'm the one with the problem and the only resson I want her to go is so I can convince her and the consoler that she has problems.
I have talked to someone in the past about this, and we even had 6 weeks of pre-marrage work.
I dont dought for one second that I have help this along to were it is. I also feel like that I am the only one to blame. Her Mom and her sister dont care for me much and I have been told that I can not talk to her alone at all. They will have to be there (this includes the phone).
She has not used the D word yet....but the letter seems pretty convinceing that she dont want to work on it anymore.

What do I do??? I have not made any attempt to contact her for fear it will make it worse. I also dont wnat to give up unless this is truly what she wants.
I have talked to our pastor and he wants to talk to her and wants to see her frist before me. My wifes sister told the pastor that she was going to call him in the next few days because she wants to talk to him I guess (thats what he told me).
Do I walk away?? Can we both get though this and grow??? Or is it to late??

Bob

BS-

Sorry to read about your troubles but you've come to the right place if you're looking for advice on possibly working things out with your W. My advice would be to seek out a good MC if you can swing it and both of you are agreeable. You may have to look around to find someone you like.

Good luck!

First, read the Concepts Section on this site. And ask her to do the same. Even though you are not living in the same household, you can take the tests and discuss them.
If you really want to make the marriage work, let her know, and ask her what it will take.
Good Luck.
There's a wealth of information on this site. Use it wisely.

I would love to do the things suggested. I want it to work. Unfortunately her family will not let me talk to her at all. She has made no attempt to talk to me and I found out yesterday that they are contacting an Attorney. I only found this out by talking to her mom. Her mom refuses to let me talk to her and says her daughter is thought with me. I have talked with our Pastor and he said he was told that she was going to call him and when found out what her story was that he would call me. He say to lay low and make no attempt to call her. He calms that even if my intensions are good that it will only make them believe more that I am trying to influence her to come back.
Does this sound like a wise idea; I feel if I do nothing she will think I don’t care. I also feel if I try to hard that she will resent me more for trying to influence her and I don’t want either.

Thanks all of you!
I hope that everyone on here finds what they are looking for!
Bob

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