I was served with the papers last week and do not as most of the people here want it to proceed. Wanted to pick the brains of those here, I'm in Texas, and I want to contest it, any idea how I would do it?

Jonah,

I can't tell you what to do in Texas but, I can tell you what happened to me when I contested the divorce. It pushed my husband further away. He said you never did care what I wanted you won't even respect what I wnat to do in the divorce. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time to save my marriage. I was so wrong I had to let him go. When I stopped fighting and gave it to God, the divorce went away. That was almost three year ago and we still are not divorced. Don't even have anything pending. Our marriage is not completely restore, but it will be. I see me husband a lot and he takes us to church every Wed night. He comes home 2 or 3 times a week to help with the girls.

When I tried to hold on by contesting the divorce,
he would even come in the house. He put their basgs at the door. It took a lot of prayer and obedience on my part to heal our realtionship.

I found out what God wanted me to do by going to this site www.restorem.org Have you tried it?

gentle

So you did nothing? Seems that by doing nothing you are agreeing with your spouse for a divorce.I want to be with my wife and family and will look further into the site, just don't know what to do.

I'd spend about $200 and get a consultation with a lawyer. If Texas is a "No-Fault" state then contesting will only delay the process.

The one thing that I would caution against is that a lot of states are really pushing for Mediation agreements rather than a Judge have to make rulings. These agreements can be benifitial to you depending on the judge you would be going in front of.

I'm definately "pro-marriage" but you also have to deal with reality. And the reality is that if she is going to divorce you then you need to try to make sure that you make the best deal for you and your family. So talk with a lawyer.

After almost a year of hell, my H filed against me last November '01. No kids. A "no fault" state. (He has been involved in affair with one person this whole time, STILL denies it all). He moved out then when he filed. 6 weeks or so later was the last day before papers would go before judge for "status" check. H filed for dismissal on the 59th day (out of 60). I had not signed any paper as I had it in mind that I had till then to do it & he dismissed before I signed!

But, though he came back the end of January '01, he made no effort for communication or anything between us. Slept on floor, stayed out all evening etc. I saw him parked at OW's place numerous times, so he would hide the truck nearby in the neighborhood and walk over to her place thinking I would not see truck!!! IN May he went on trips for work & said would be gone 1 more day each time - "catching up on work" in city where he works by airport. The 3rd time he said this,I drove to her place & he was there. (Wouldve had me believe he was in other city working!! ) @#@#

But all year he fought & screamed at me. I had ended up hiring a lawyer to look at the paper & so the lawyer entered a response for me. He kept screaming at me that since I got a lawyer that I "must've been going to fight him" on it. We have house together. Dated 5 yrs, married 10 this yr!! He was signing it over to me. What on earth was to fight about that! I didnt sign cause I didnt want divorce. He would NEVER see it that way. Said I was selfish & greedy & fighting him etc.

So now after I returne to work after 6 weeks recovery from surgery, he found apt. & moved out. He refuses to tell me where he lives sayss Ill be "spying" on him. I told him if he was doing nothing wrong he had nothing to worry about.

So, yes. Often times things get more sour. Are you contesting because you still love her & want the marriage saved OR because she beat you to the punch & filed first??
It really doesnt make too much difference who files first, in the end. Well, she'll have the terms set out with her lawyer. If you agree, sign stuff & wait the time period & you're done. IF you dont agree, it will drag on and on until you do agree. The lawyers will meet & do phone conferences with you & judge etc. When it comes down to it, if you cant agree on the division of assets, the judge will do it for you and that will be that!! I think in our state, the petitioner will eventually be granted the divorce either way.

Do seek the free consultations with some lawyers and see who you get along with & like. Some wouldnt hear what I had to ask - just said hire them (on retainer) & they'd take a look. The guy I ended up with was very nice & gave me alot of info & answered a lot of questions without ever mentioning money or retainer till over 1 hr later!! I could've left without retaining him & been much more informed. But I didnt want to deal with hassles. I was prepared to have lawyers haggle it out if need be. This time, I thinkmy H will stick to how it was the last time, though not without threatenting all year to sell the house or throw me on the street.

I am sorry to say, I think you may have to let her go, for now. It is the most peaceful, less heartaching way. This past year has been beyond hell for me. When H began to realize that I had not retained lawyer this time & was not trying to go against it, he became much calmer & quieter. THough I have cried myself to sleep some nights, it is better having him quiet and agreeable than vindictive spiteful angry & almost violent. I have been thru enough pain this year when last January I had been full of hope.

If you contest it & drag it out by disagreeing on stuff, your W will be more pissed off & aggressive & want to hurt you back if she feels hurt. It will NOT bring her closer to you, just maker her run the other way. It is a rotten lesson to have to learn, but we cannot coax or entice, do or say anything to bring them back when they want out. Dont talk about it over & over again or in person either. You'll just fight more. Let the lawyers take care of it. Find out when is the last day you can sign these papers & if the terms are reasonable, sign it then. If you dont, she may change her mind and start fighting over every single possession you have & get really nasty with it. Mine kept telling me "I want MY share" "You have to sell the house" etc. You dont need that pain. If your wife wants out, nothing you say or do will make her change her mind. She'll fight against it more. Its taken me 20 months to heed my own words.

Jonah, What AGTW said makes alot of sense. The harder we fight, the more they dig their heels in. Sometimes I've felt like I'm dealing with a small child who wants it ALL NOW - and we all know what happens to small demanding children. Believe me when I say I know all to well how you feel - I've been having those same feelings myself. I love my H inspite of his actions, the OW he's been with for the last four years, the affair before this latest one, the one night stands along the way. He is not the man I married, I feel that man disappeared many years ago, but it is so hard to let go of the one he once was. The harder I fight, the faster he runs. Gentle is right - let go and let God, hard as that is for us to do. If you know in your heart you have done all you can to save your marriage and work with your spouse, but they will not cooperate, what more can you do??
Cyber hugs and prayers to you from me.

Can you tell us more of the details of your marriage and reasons for divorce?
A friend of mine requested couseling I suppose it depends on the state and the judge big time.
I don't blame you at all for not wnating to break up your family forever. Anyone can work it out if they can get past some things,what ever is in the way that is.