I very much agree with the ones who stated they wouldn't want to get involved with anyone who has been unfaithful.
But... how can you know? Who would tell on the first date "By the way, I cheated on my wife(wives!)/husband(s)." Or even later down the road of dating.

How would you find out? Talking to a former spouse(s) or relatives?
I am not dating anyone. Just wondering what kind of women get involved with my H , do they know I'm wife #3 H has cheated on? H claimed he's been honest this time with OW#2. Well if she knows the truth, she must have pretty low standards. There's no way I would want to date 3 times D'ed guy. H can easily charm pants off from a woman. I think I'll stay clear from the charmers in the future.

And for dating too early, H hasn't been without a woman since he turned 16 and fell in love with his wife #1. He's either overlapping or jumping straight from one R to an other. You see what happens. He was told by one C to be on his own for a while. He agreed, but didn't go through it. His life's just heading from one disaster to an other, and every time it gets messier.
Some of us just never learn.

OMG Bears! Hi honey ... how are you? I see from your sig line your H is still living in Fogville. I'm sorry for that. I hope you are well and strong, regardless.

Lv,
Jo

I agree with you CJack to a point. I don't want to go into a relationship with a pen and note pad, making checkmarks next to little boxes as I interogate her. But, there are certain things that I know that I want in a woman. And there are certain things that I know that I don't want as well. These are actually easier for me to know about.

But I think for myself, that to start a relationship with someone that I essentially in my heart believe cannot share my future would be folly. I know that in many instances, I try to hard to overlook things that in essence, I don't believe that I overlook, but sublimate. I think that I tell myself that 'going to the bars' doesn't bother me, but it did tremendously. That led to decreased feelings for my wife. I think that also trying to 'not care' about something that I truly care about won't work for me either. That is, for me to pretend that seeing my lover doing immoral things, or making poor character choices is more than I want to deal with.

Now I understand that stopping the relationship is the option. And that the question arises that "Obviously you wouldn't want to be with her anyway, therefor the discussion is moot." And although she might be wonderful in so many other ways, I think that for me to have no expectations for the relationship to progress would again be my folly. Not yours, you obviously know yourself and who you are, but I also know myself.

I don't want to date to find a wife, but I know the love that I have, and if I find someone that I end up loving, I want her to fit the other things that I desire in my life as well. I would rather never meet the most wonderful woman that I wouldn't marry, than meet her and fall in love, then either marry with problems, or have to break off the relationship. I just know myself, and while I am incredibly emotionally strong, I can't do everything that I would like to. And I would feel bad if for instance I fell in love with a woman that loved the penthouse life. No matter how great she was, because I would have to give up my love of horses or vice versa, she would have to give up what she loved.

I don't want to fall in love with someone that doesn't want children. Simple thought. The most devistating thing I can imagine is the loss of my children, and I would never put them away in any way. Therefor, I don't want to meet the most wonderful, compasionate, caring, horse loving, educated, daring woman in the world that just doesn't really like kids.

I don't expect to marry everyone that I will date. But for me to go into the date, knowing that she isn't someone that I could see myself with, is not something that I am capable of. I guess that I could just go out with some of these young women that have been presenting themselves. But I know that it would only lead to problems for me. I just know me, and I know what I want.

haha,

This obviously doesn't encompass everyone, nor do I pass judgment on those that prefer a different course. In fact, I applaud you. Perhaps if I was able to look at a date as just a date, nothing more, then I would be able to see things differently. I guess, maybe after I start, I won't have the fear or lack of trust in myself, and maybe I will just go out and have fun. I would like that in some ways. But in others, I only would like to meet one more person.

This thread has been so interesting. Thanks again for asking these questions and to everyone who has so openly shared their experiences. It's quite nice to be able to honestly share my experience and not have some one come right back at me telling me how wrong I am and how my new relationship is doomed to fail.

While I've always been open to all opinions and both sides of the story, it seems that some people on this board have developed a "my way or the highway" or "I'm right and you're wrong" type attitude.

Once again, thanks to everyone on this thread for being open minded and supportive.

As I read through the post, there are some great questions asked. How do you know without taking some risks? How do you protect your heart from leaping uncontrollably at the first person to met emotional needs that have been neglected for a long time? Are dates just dates or do they have to be able to lead to more? All great questions.

Again my opinion is just that, my opinion but by using a screening service I got to "blindly" find out the basics. Like others here I had a standard that I wasn't willing to compromise on. I wanted someone tall, slightly older than me, someone who wasn't looking for a soul-mate, instant wife, golf-partner, or substitute mom for his kids. He had to be employed, a non-smoker, love dogs, and be a Christian actively attending church at least once a week on average. He also needed to like sports and movies but not be a couch potato and not want any more children(babies, that is).

This eliminated a lot of people. Through this process of reading hundreds of profiles of potential singles, I got a good idea of what I didn't want. In fact, I had just about decided that there would not be anyone in my life for a long time because I wouldn't just settle. It doesn't cost anything to read the profiles and it really helps open your eyes to the types of people out there. I strongly suggest anybody who is wanting to start dating to read some profiles, even if it's just for the entertainment value. I often laugh my head off at some of the things people write ( ie. your own teeth and hair a plus <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). It also gave me some great ideas on questions to ask. Even if you don't want to date anytime soon, I'd suggest reading a few just to confirm your own belief that you are doing the right thing. There are some real wackos out there.

I must be tired tonight because I normally wouldn't just ramble on and on about this. I totally respect everyone's right to do what they are comfortable with. I don't mean go out and live a sinful life just for fun. I mean that everyone knows what God wants for them and each one of us should continue to pray for His strength and guidance in our lives.

For me, I'm thrilled to have a standing dinner date and a little snuggling on the couch every Wednesday night. I know what my limits are and I've been blessed by meeting someone who is open and honest, even when he doesn't have to be and that I am truly starting to care for. Taking it slow has never been a strong suit of mine so I really appreciate the stories of those who moved too quick. I do see the potential for disaster if I set my expectations too high. It takes a while to develop a relationship but I'm really enjoying this "getting to know you stage" The more I know, the more I like. Scary, huh???? It's only been a month... something I have to constantly remind myself of.

Thanks for letting me share. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Good night and God Bless!

PP